All Heart – #griefheart number 19

#griefheart
All Heart

Charles was all heart and This is part of a card sent to Charles by his beloved theatre group in his sophomore year (I think) in high school and Mrs. Fretwell, his favorite teacher ever. Charles had cracked his skull, supposedly on a skateboard accident. But later we found out he’d cracked read more

Heart Wrenching – #griefheart number 18

#griefheart

It’s been a tough, tough week. I am not usually punny. But heart-wrenching is how I have felt. Feeling better after lunch with Stephanie today.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

read more

Trail Heart – #griefheart number 17

Trail Heart
Trail Heart

This was the heart that presented itself on our way back from our grief walk on Charles’ birthday. Even after a death, life keeps happening, new life keeps emerging. Important reminder that we still need to live. I never had to think about that before

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See read more

Addiction: The broken reward system

I went to the COBE event at VCU, Virginia Commonwealth University and saw Dr. Kevin McCauley speak (the dude seriously needs a decent online bio).

For many years, Charles and I had a discussion about his “thrill seeking” which I never felt was quite the right phrase since he wasn’t read more

Happy Birthday Heart – #griefheart number 16

16-birthday-heart
Happy birthday heart

Happy birthday my love. You would have been 21 today, April 26, 2016. I will carry you in my heart forever.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

read more

Redefining the meaning of ‘the first birthday’

This is not my son’s first birthday. It’s the first birthday since he died. He would have been 21.

grief, loss, suicide, the first birthday after suicide
Charles’ 20th birthday

Years ago, I dreamed we would be in a better place with Charles–with his depression and addiction. His sleep disorder, his anxiety, his ADHD. We worked so hard at it.

Instead we are read more

Heavy Heart- #griefheart number 15

#griefheart heavy heart

Every limb feels heavy today. Nothing going right either and you tend to take things harder when you are grieving.

You are weighing on my heart today Charles. One of those days I can hardly breathe. Been reading your music and your words. I finally found that song about Cal. Too ironic. Thank you for read more

Can you make your suicide story positive?

And yes I get this question a lot. And no, I can’t. I won’t.

I won’t sugar coat my story. I won’t lie for the sake of saving you tears. I won’t avoid the subject of my son and his suicide.8615555b339ed34ce94880229f47873d

Most importantly, I won’t leave you without hope.

Many times when he read more

Love from Arizona – #griefheart number 14

#griefheart
Love, from Arizona

Charles’ Grandparents, Meemaw and Grandpa, live in Georgia but are currently traveling in Arizona. Myra sent this today. Love to my baby boy, 20, who spent last two birthdays (April 26) with his grandparents. My heart does feel like stone it’s so heavy.

Thanks to the Rogers and Nimocks read more