Not exactly a suicide note

escape-cloudsHere’s how I understand the why of his suicide. His brain telling him he wanted to go, had to go. It would be better somewhere else. It was too painful here.

It is through these songs, as painful as they are to read, that I understand his depression. I wish he would’ve given life here another shot.

Run Free

Problems just pilin’ all around me
Wish I could just wilin’ in Hawaiian islands
Taking shots of crown
Let the alcohol drown
Take a look around
All this bullshit surround got me down
Wish I could just run free fun free, … Read more...

Looking at the other side of addiction

demons-addiction

I sit in this warm room surrounded by the bravest, most passionate people I have ever seen. I am now a familiar face and certain gentlemen greet me and ask me questions which I welcome.

Just a short time ago the man speaking had been sleeping under a bridge. Hard to imagine. He is articulate and emotional. This guy could be a motivational speaker.

He’s about 45 and moved to tears he’s so thankful to be alive.

He expresses how grateful he is to the other brothers in the room, fellow addicts, for taking him in once he made that … Read more...

A Rap Song from Charles about Snack Time. #humor

Charles loved sweets. Loved snacks. Loved little convenience stores. He would stand at that aisle and take forever to make a choice.

His earliest addiction was sugar. I can remember finding a bunch of packages of candy under his bed when he was around 8-10 years old and then sitting on the bed crying. I knew it had to be a precursor to addiction. Then I thought I could do something about it which I couldn’t.

Although he was the funniest human being I ever met, he doesn’t have many funny or lively songs.

The Rap Diary after all, was … Read more...

Charles’ Diagnosis from Wilderness

Document attachments are at the very bottom

05-21-12 CR
By this time, Charles had softened a bit. He was showing us the picture we sent of his dog Andy. Still our dog.

Many of you are currently dealing with a child (however old) with an mental illness. It was difficult for some reason to get a diagnosis in writing.

Time and again someone would start to treat him without a true assessment. Wilderness, 2nd Nature in Clayton, Georgia gave us that.

During his stay there, we had weekly one hour meetings by phone with his counselor. We also received letters from Charles … Read more...

Grief and daylight savings time make me a noodle head

Is my new normal about being stupid?

14787bfee610be209d37056b46883436Nothing is worse for your grief than lack of sleep. You know if you don’t sleep you are weepier and more prone to sinking into the black hole of grief despair.

And nothing kicks that up like that “spring forward” time of year. Not that I have any past experience with grief and spring forward.

I had started to get up earlier and felt a little lift with spring coming when seeing that sunshine come through the blinds. That was prior to Daylight Savings Time (DST).

Adjusting for me has always been hard. … Read more...

Grief: Is that a visit from a ghost?

I feel like I’ve gotten weird and I know some of you might think that my experiences are desperation by a grieving mom.  Maybe they are. But I don’t really know how to explain some of them especially this one.

So here goes.

I’m walking the dog on Wednesday around noon this week, and it’s like 80 degrees F and suddenly out of the blue I feel this very cold, concentrated breeze for lack of a better description. Probably more like a blast. And then it’s gone.

So I look around to see if I’m on a grate or near … Read more...

Grief and Suicide: It was not my choice to reinvent myself

Since Charles’ death June 5, 2015, I am a different person. With a different life. And a different purpose.

I have always been passionate. But I am propelled forward now in a different way than ever before.

For years we suffered with Charles through his struggles with depression, anxiety, ADHD, addiction and the sleep disorder. And I wondered what my purpose was. I always had faith there was one, I simply didn’t know what it was.

I wondered if it was to get this young man to adulthood as a stable adult who could take care of himself.

Unfortunately, that … Read more...

The lollipop land of shiny faces and perfect families is a dangerous facade

perfect-family

We have created a fake world presenting only the best side of our families and friends and rarely sharing pain or struggle.

We created it in social media, in-person, and at social events.

I’m not proposing we go all newspaperish by being negative and presenting only bad news. But it’s time to strike a balance.

We are a society obsessed with accomplishments

We are quick to pass judgment on those whose children are not currently succeeding by our standards. And our current fast-paced society breeds anxiety, depression, and dysfunction.

We are a sharing society. Only we choose to share only that which … Read more...

Upcoming speaking, workshop or panel events

microphone_318-50712Scheduled speaking events are now located on this page.

If you know of someone looking for a speaker for mental health and suicide prevention, contact me.

My speaker proposal is here. … Read more...

Young people, you are not alone. Here’s what you have been sending me

feedbackHere is what I am hearing from young people 17-25 about what I am writing and you are sharing from Emotionally Naked.

The fact is these young people have suffered through a system so broken and in a society so unaccepting of their struggles, is heartbreaking. And reading these brings tears to my eyes.

It’s utterly amazing they have done as well as they have. So proud of all of you. One day you will get support and acceptance. Help me work on that by sharing these posts.

I am honored you wrote me and I thought you’d be … Read more...