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Thank you to Denise for suggesting a weekly update. I love your feedback and I … Read more...

Grief Glossary. Add your definitions!

Having some fun with grief. And you didn’t think that was possible did you? Those of us in the “club” can relate.grief-sculpture

Grief – The price you pay for having loved someone and lost them

Grief Ambush– When you are minding your own business and wham, grief hits you from behind and takes you down. You didn’t even see it coming. You feel the weight of it in your heart and all your limbs. It sticks around a while before it lifts slowly allowing you to breathe again. “Grief attack” is a synonym

Grief anxiety – Worrying that you’ll … Read more...

Hindsight Heart – #griefheart number 64

When a loved one dies by suicide, you think of all the things you should have, would have, could have done. Even if it’s not a suicide, you blame yourself. Hindsight is always clearer.

At first, those coulda-woulda-shouldas haunt you until you learn to let them go. Not that you ever release yourself completely but you do let go enough to find peace. I’m not perfect and I have to accept his death and know I didn’t cause it and I couldn’t cure it.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so … Read more...

Shredded heart – #griefheart number 63

When you lose someone you love to suicide, your heart literally feels like it’s gone through a shredder. More than once.

Healing your shredded heart emotionally is a complex process of ups and downs. A year after Charles’ death, I am healing, adjusting, accepting. One day at a time. There are days it feels like it’s in pieces.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

Read more...

Classic heart – #griefheart number 62

I was shopping today and hoped I’d run into some inspiration for my #griefheart. I was walking back to my car, disappointed I had not seen anything that inspired me and I stopped in a store that I like.

While I was making a purchase, the sales lady happened to mention that Panera had given her the wrong soup. I can’t remember what I said that prompted that conversation but I saw she was alone in the store so I offered to take it back and get her the kind she wanted. It was just next door.

So when I … Read more...

Why didn’t I ask, ‘Are you thinking about suicide?’

I wish I had asked charles this question. Why didn’t I?

One, because honestly, it didn’t occur to me to ask it.

Given the number of evaluations he had that indicated he was “high risk” I should have. But again, no one defined what that meant exactly and I am guilty of never asking for specific clarification. Fear of the answer?

If I had the opportunity for a replay how would I ask this question?

I am not a mental health professional and this blog post is a personal reflection on what I wish I had done

• If you

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Cradled heart – #griefheart number 61

Coming to terms with Charles’ suicide–heartbreaking.  Figuring out how to move forward without him? The biggest challenge I’ve ever faced. For the rest of my life, I’ll carry his heart with me. And that will have to be enough.

Thank you Mary Don Shumaker for this gift.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

Read more...

Has a loved one’s suicide made you angry?

anger blinds and burns strong suicide

I do understand anger as it relates to suicide.

I didn’t feel very angry but I do know that Richard, my oldest son did.

I wrote this article on The Mighty and in one of the comments, Marie states how angry she is that her husband killed himself and left her to raise two children.

suicide-anger

I would never try and invalidate her feelings and I can understand why she feels the way she does.

Then Diane, one of the followers here, sent me a note about being angry that her mom killed herself when she was 8. She is currently in her 50s and … Read more...

Martin Heart- #griefheart number 60

Just 3 weeks after Charles died by suicide, there was a family less than a mile away that also died by suicide. The same way. Death by hanging. His name was Drew Martin and at that time, I didn’t know his mom, Pat. But I know her now. We don’t think it was a copy cat incident for a number of reasons. Just a horrible coincidence.  

From Pat Martin:

“I saw this carved in the sidewalk while walking around Lake Michigan. Not only did the initials stop me in my tracks because they were Drew’s, but the handwriting is so … Read more...

Grief: Going all ‘hallmark’ on you

grief quote

Grief and I have gone from not knowing each other at all to knowing each other well. What I thought it was compared with what it really is, are so far apart, I have to laugh. But then did I really want to know?

I thought it was only about sadness.

But it’s so much more.

The hair loss, hot flashes, memory losses, sleeplessness, shock, numbness, tiredness, daydreaming, memories, helplessness, pain, isolation, fear, heaviness and waves of despair are part of it.

Then there is that craving for just one more something from the one you love — the unfinished business that a suicide … Read more...