“You’re my mom, the only one I’ll ever have, I’m sorry I was bad, all the tears I could sit in a bath” –From “Forgive Me Momma” by Charles Aubrey Rogers
In the last 14 months, I’ve cried enough tears to make a bath. Tears for my child Charles who died by suicide. Those words were meant to illustrate his pain but they ironically ended up describing mine.
I made a pledge when Charles died by suicide not to nitpick what people said to me after his death. After all, it is so hard to know what to say. I was overjoyed if someone said anything at all.
To be honest, the worst thing you can say is nothing at all. So don’t fret if you have used the “better place” expression.
Here is my issue with it
When we say “better place” we could potentially be glorifying heaven as a destination. Basically you could be promoting an early exit since you are implying the place after death is “better” than … Read more...
So I had this office over the garage that was big enough for two desks. Charles would often be in the office with me playing the game at his Dad’s desk while I worked on a writing assignment.
I was a freelance copywriter back then. I guess he was around 11 or 12.
Charles used to play this game called Roller Coaster Tycoon. And he never played it how it was supposed to be played. In fact there were a lot of games with “Charles rules” that never got played how they were intended.
My friend Bonnie’s daughter got a new pooch. She realized after this picture was taken that she had captured a heart on the dog’s rump. And she sent it to me to be part of the #griefheart project. My late son Charles loved, loved dogs. They loved him.
I asked her the new dog’s name. It’s Charlie. Now that’s ironic.
This one was staring at me from Monument Avenue in Richmond, VA. Charles never wanted to live anywhere else. He loved Richmond. He loved the graffiti, the statues, the cobblestones, the river. Whatever his goals were as a famous rapper, he wanted this city to stay his home.
My friend Laurie sent me this as a “thinking about you” #griefheart. She and I are part of that club no one wants to be in. She and her husband Scott lost their son Dawson to an overdose in 2014 and I am dedicating this one to his memory.
For 4 1/2 years, we went to Families Anonymous and after every meeting, the group says this prayer.
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
This is not to take the place of appropriate mental health care. It is a self-help guide is for those who self harm and want to stop but are not sure how from a woman who has struggled and managed to break the vicious cycle of self harm.
Self-harm is on the rise at an alarming rate, not only amongst teens but adults as well. If you are sitting in a classroom or a school auditorium, glance around you.
Would you think that any of the people you see, be it friends or strangers have self-inflicted scars, bruises or injuries? Statistics … Read more...