Category: Suicide

To all who have lost a loved one to suicide or overdose

use-your-voice

I’ve made a commitment.

I need one from you.

On behalf of my son Charles who died by suicide, I am carrying on a tradition he handed down to me and that is to reach out.

Survivors of suicide loss and those who have lost a child or loved one to overdose need to say the words suicide, mental illness, addiction and drug overdose.

Don’t soften it, sugar coat it or hide behind it

If we do, we carry on a tradition of shame instead of acknowledging our loved ones struggled from an illness. Those illnesses will continue to carry stigma if we don’t … Read more...

Should you talk to your children or friends about suicide?

Yes.

Of course there is probably an age at which it needs to be handled differently. I will leave that to those experts but I would think that 11 and under is where you might seek guidance from a professional on how to approach the subject.

Suicide will continue to stalk our kids, our teens and our young adults if we keep turning our backs on it.

Already, it is the number one cause of death for college students in the US. It’s the number 2 cause of death for those 15-25.

So how did suicide get such a promotion?

an elephant calm in a restaurant interior. photo combination concept
Get rid of
… Read more...

The long arm of the law reaches down Charles’ pants

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Supporting Files:

  1. Mp4 – Internal Affairs interview -This has the most accurate account of what happened from Charles’ point of view. Just hearing him on the tape triggers a crying episode of despair.
  2. Word Doc- Transcript of police stop above on the Mp4
  3. Word Doc – Charles account of the original arrest
  4. Mp4 – Police stop with Charles and 6 officers 
  5. PDF – Breathalyzer

One of the incidents I have had a hard time with was one that happened in late February 2015 in Chesterfield County Virginia, just 4 months before Charles died by suicide.

Charles was driving home and was stopped by … Read more...

To all of you

What I didn’t expect from all of you was the outpouring of support when I write publicly about all the stigmatized illnesses we suffered through with Charles– as well as my own grief. And I didn’t expect to be encouraged to keep writing about it.

I was not rejected or ostracized. I was not “unfriended” for bringing up unpleasant subjects. Maybe some have unfriended.  But I’ve gained more than I have lost.

love-letter

But I’ll be honest with you, I did not think it would be that way. I was fully prepared to be written off as the person always posting depressing … Read more...

Is tough love the right way to treat an addict?

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This is such a hard question. And no one knows the definition of this phrase. Everyone thinks they know it but it shifts and bends depending on the situation. What’s right for one family, isn’t right for another. But one thing’s for sure, you’ll get an answer one way or another when you set your boundaries.

Someone asked me if I felt like I should have approached my son’s depression and addiction differently?

Is tough love the right thing to do?

Keep in mind that I encouraged her to ask the question she was wanting to ask because she hesitated. It’s … Read more...

Dear Charles. My letter to heaven

man-of-steel
Charles was wearing these shoes when he died. Ironic even in death

Strong emotional content and suicide method referenced. If you are in crisis, text “help” to 741-741 or call 988

I bet I am not the first mom to write their child in heaven. But this is my first letter to you since you died. I hope you get it because I am not sure how to have something sent to heaven.

It’s been about 8 months since you left us and I miss you. All the time. Every day. And I always will. There are days I wake … Read more...

Imagine living with a premonition that your child is going to die?

I can’t predict things. But I do get premonitions. They just hit me like a lightning bolt. Most the time it’s just random stuff. Usually not a death although those are the ones I remember the most. I’ve actually had only three death premonitions and one of those was Charles.

I had no clue how he would die. That wasn’t part of the premonition. The suicide was a complete shock.

Often my premonitions are mundane enough–like I am going to win a prize or a friend is going to have a flat tire. My mom has always called me the … Read more...

You may think you are not guilty of stigma

Addiction. Depression. Suicide. Our family suffered the triple stigma, all of them with our son Charles. He didn’t want to admit depression due to stigma and was even more hesitant to accept help.

What characterizes stigma?

I asked friends about how to raise money to get help for Charles addiction and depression since we were tapped out. When I mentioned that a friend wanted to do a FundMe campaign of some kind, all eyes were downcast. Silence. Squirming. Awkwardness. An uncomfortable feeling overall. That is stigma. It’s that very moment when your eyes cast downward and you sort of freeze up like a … Read more...

Charles’ new Rap is online on iTunes. I don’t wanna be a patient.

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This was the intended album cover for this album. Only 1.5 songs from it and this is the finished one. Photo by Louis King at Imperial Alliance Media in Richmond VA

Charles was a Rap artist among his many talents. His notebooks and music were his salvation while he was alive and probably the only reason he lived until 20.

When he was away at a therapeutic boarding school, they did take his notebooks which made me angry. Writing is therapeutic. I don’t hate the school but I didn’t think taking his writing away because they … Read more...

Did Charles show signs of mental illness earlier in his life?

“I’m the last piece in a broken puzzle
 To a broken puzzle
 Never fittin’
 I’m just sittin’ near the trouble
 It’s difficult findin’ air to breathe concealed within a bubble
 Can’t sleep
 Death is the only way to keep peace from the struggle”
—Charles Aubrey Rogers

I caught his pain here before he "wore the mask of a clown"
I caught his pain here before he “wore the mask of a clown”
Once Charles put his smile on for the camera
Once Charles put his smile on for the camera

Charles never slept well, even as a toddler. He was “always on, never off”. If that is an official indicator of something to come, I am not aware of it but lack of … Read more...

Things I no longer give a rat’s ass about since Charles’ death

Losing my child to suicide has forced me to take another look at my life. And it’s actually liberating to ditch things and basically spring clean my brain and no longer care about…..

1. What others think. I have never been one to worry a lot about this. But once I lost a child by suicide to depression and addiction, I totally let go of caring what others thought of me personally. You either take me as I am or you don’t. And conversely, I’m not going to be passing judgment on others either. It’s probably why I feel so … Read more...

Suicide. The silent serial killer

Grief is painful and heavy. But it can also inspire you to go in a direction you would have never gone and inspire a new sense of passion. To honor Charles’ memory, I will no longer be silent about suicide. Silence kills.

I have submitted this video in my application for a TedXRVA talk. If you want to help, please nominate. Description is below.

Thank you Melanie Murray for suggesting this title: Suicide, the silent serial killer

Short description of the topic would be:

Suicide. The silent serial killer

Title: Co-Owner, Impression Marketing. Board member, Beacon Tree Foundation… Read more...

Did I ever think he might be better off dead?

one of the last photos of Charles before he died
This is one of the last photos of Charles before he died

I know Charles thought this. He wrote it. And my wondering it is not the same as wishing it. I never wished it. But I did have this as a fleeting thought after a particularly difficult crisis. Was my intuition trying to warn me what was to come?

When you have struggled with a child’s mental health issues combined with drug abuse problems for many years –and you’ve watched that struggle, at some point, you wonder if they are going to make it. All those crisis calls and … Read more...

Did Charles show warning signs for teen suicide?

charles rogers

Looking back after my son Charles Aubrey Rogers’ death, I see that he did exhibit signs of being suicidal. Of course I have often asked myself what I missed. I had been a mental health advocate and board member at Beacon Tree Foundation for several years prior to his suicide. Although I had been to one suicide symposium, I still did not connect the dots when it came to my own child. 

Frankly, he didn’t check that many of the boxes on the list of suicide risks they presented that day.

His father and I have been married 30 years and I … Read more...

Grief: Letting go of bitterness to find hope and joy

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If ever anyone is entitled to bitterness, I feel it would be those of us who have lost a child. Frankly, I don’t want to live my life feeling that way. It would be a disservice to my son that died as well as the one that lived.

I think the key to leaving bitterness behind is finding my direction and purpose in the most devastating tragedy of my life. My purpose as a mother was to raise my two boys to be thriving adults. To have one of them die by suicide at age 20 wasn’t part of that plan. With … Read more...