How I feel a year after my husband’s suicide

by Marylyn

Still heartbroken.
Still in disbelief.
Still in anguish about how desperate he was.
Still feeling guilty in whatever part I may have played in creating that anguish.
Still mad that he left his son.
Still seeing blood.
Still reliving the phone call I received from the officer at 9:18 am on January 30th.
Continually wondering what this life is for
and why live through it if it doesn’t really matter in the end anyway.

Wondering if the me I used to be is gone forever.
Deeply afraid I’m not doing my best for our son.
Wishing he hadn’t … Read more...

Has your loved one’s addiction made you angry?

We know intellectually it’s a disorder. There are many studies now that prove that. The behavior makes us angry still.

At first, when Charles was misusing substances, I’d regress to yelling which was unproductive. Those were not my proudest moments but I caught on that it was only adding to my child’s shame and driving him to use more. His drug use started because of his sleep disorder and also numbed his feelings of suicide.

I didn’t know any of that. And finding out the underlying cause of his drug use took years. He never sat down and told me, … Read more...

Be the captain of your emotions not captive to them

by Dana

Emotional stress, discord, confusion, can get so deep and out of control, you cannot find a way out. That torment can lead you to think the only way to end this torment is to end it all.

A person can learn some emotion control.

It’s like learning how to become your own counselor

It’s like a one-step program. You learn to see your emotions, you separate each one, and you start asking, I know I am angry, I’m ok with being angry, why am I angry? Is there a way I can change the situation I’m angry about? … Read more...

Audio version of Diary of a Broken Mind

Voice by Lisa Williams. It took a while but the audio version of the book is out. And of course, paperback and kindle as well. Audible audiobook is on Amazon.

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Autism, social struggles, and suicide

by Abby

There is something that’s been weighing on me lately. I was diagnosed with depression about 3 years ago, and it got better for a while but it recently started to come back. I keep having thoughts that everyone would be happier without me, and unfortunately, it’s starting to seem more and more true every day.

I’m on the autism spectrum so it’s already hard to deal with a world that wasn’t built for someone like me, but feeling like this all the time makes it harder.

I keep having a hard time at work and disappointing my boss, … Read more...

How can I help a friend who lost her child to suicide?

One of the most frequent questions I get is, “How can I help my friend who lost his or her son (or daughter) to suicide?” And so I’ll answer that here with some explanation of how those parents feel. I can’t possibly touch on everything. I have a 280-page book that does that.

I remember a friend who lost his Dad to suicide in the 1970s. No one came by. No one called. And then two days after, a neighbor dropped by but didn’t come in. And he brought with him a bucket of chicken and handed it to him … Read more...

What I put in my self-harm safety kit

by Ayushree

Note from Anne Moss: A self-harm safety box is a kit that a person puts together as a self-help strategy. This was sent to me by Ayushree and she details the contents of her safety box which she has so far found helpful in breaking her self-harm habit.

Self-harm safety box

To make my own self-harm safety kit, I took a shoebox, covered it in white paper and made doodles all over it. I didn’t write anything on it because otherwise, my mom would know.

Doodles are one of my hobbies and it helps me to relieve stress. … Read more...

‘My family wouldn’t be surprised if I suicided’

Dear those who struggle with thoughts of suicide,

No matter how many times you’ve said it, we could never be “prepared.”

It is always a shock if that’s the way a loved one dies. To us, we think you won’t really follow through. Because you love us so much or you made a promise you can’t possibly keep because you are not in full control of your actions at that moment.

That sort of thinking does reflect our gross misunderstanding of what those struggling with thoughts of suicide go through. But we family members and friends tell ourselves you’re not … Read more...

I wanted to die. But I didn’t.

Trigger warning: Strong emotional content and suicide method mentioned.

by Devon

Devon

Growing up I’d always known I was a bit different. I was an introverted, shy, creative, and intelligent child. I felt that I was special in a way, almost as if I was from another time or place. I never felt like I belonged, therefore fantasized a lot growing up and had a vivid imagination.

As I got older and gained more insight into the world, my mental health slowly began to decline. I had just recently started middle school so naturally, I thought I was just anxious … Read more...

Shirley Ramsey tells her story

My dear friend and co-facilitator for RVA Survivors of Suicide Loss Group tell her story on this podcast. Shirley started the Virginia chapter of the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention. She has stepped down from that role although she is still on the board and serves as head of Loss & Healing.

She lost a son to suicide, Jackson at 15, her mother, her uncle, her nephew, and her grandmother. And yet she has found a way to move forward, give back, and be at the forefront of this conversation. It will be worth your time.

Imagine living with a
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