It’s said that in combat you never hear the rifle shot that kills you. When learning of the loss of a loved one, however, the opposite is true – the phone rings, you answer it and then nothing – you just go numb.
We received the call that our daughter, Allison Goldstein, had taken her own life before we read the email she sent– the suicide note with “Things I Couldn’t Say” in the subject line.
The counter on my phone counts it for me down to the seconds, which, at the moment of this writing is rolling over to 11,472,931.
The counter is one of those little things that keeps me going in moments where I really want to throw in the towel–moments where I’m so desperate for relief that I debate whether it might be worth it to reset that clock. Of course, I’ve reset that clock enough times to know that it’s never worth it.
From Anne Moss: Leslie wanted to post this with her full name but some family members were not in sync with that decision so she posted anonymously. She is a regular part of the Emotionally Naked tribe.
I’ve been silent for so long, I’m struggling with the words, but finding it healing.
Without treatment, addiction to alcohol is progressive and fatal, whether from liver, kidney, stomach and brain diseases, cancer, heart disease, accidents, falls or suicide. My Dad’s addiction, which grew to include the abuse of various prescription medications, took about 40 years to finally kill him at … Read more... “My father, whom I loved so much, was an alcoholic”
by Aidan O’Connell, Ireland. The love of his life, Laura, was also Irish
I am not sure how to start this, how to write this.
In 2007, I was in the middle of my ten-year career as a VIP in Copper Face Jacks, a popular night club in Ireland, and had become separated from my friends (easy to do in a club with 2000 drunk people). To anyone who’s ever been there, you cannot move an inch.
I have been asked several times to share my story and to be honest, I always hesitate. To me, my story is getting pregnant at 19, going through a divorce in my mid 20s, remarried at 28, surprise twins at 30, spontaneously opening a boutique in my late 30s and the list goes on.
It has chapters dealing with decisions, growth and sleepless nights. It is filled with both sadness and joy.
On the morning of January 20th, 2011 the phone rang and it was the local dispatcher whom we knew. She said Eric had called and reported a dead body. She didn’t seem too concerned because we all knew Eric was a good, level-headed kid.
However, Eric was not in his room so I went to find him. I expected to sit with him waiting on police. But instead found him about 30 feet from the car.
Late one night I came home depressed. Living with Bipolar is difficult enough, but the depression was getting the best of me. So, I decided I had enough and I took a handful of my mom’s sleeping pills and was excited to be ending my life.
If had to choose a phrase that encapsulates my story and the pain and suffering I’ve experienced, it would be: “collateral beauty.”
Several years ago, I lost my best friend (who was also my roommate) to suicide. It turned my world upside down.
There are no words to explain the devastating grief that washes over you after a complex loss like suicide; it’s as unpredictable and relentless as waves crashing over the seashore. I wrestled with the never-ending questions and the monstrous-of-all questions, “why?” I broke time and time again over the feeling that I somehow failed … Read more... “Putting my life back together after my best friend’s suicide”