Heavy Heart- #griefheart number 15

#griefheart heavy heart

Every limb feels heavy today. Nothing going right either and you tend to take things harder when you are grieving.

You are weighing on my heart today Charles. One of those days I can hardly breathe. Been reading your music and your words. I finally found that song about Cal. Too ironic. Thank you for leaving me the gift of your lyrics. I love you.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.… Read more...

Love from Arizona – #griefheart number 14

#griefheart
Love, from Arizona

Charles’ Grandparents, Meemaw and Grandpa, live in Georgia but are currently traveling in Arizona. Myra sent this today. Love to my baby boy, 20, who spent last two birthdays (April 26) with his grandparents. My heart does feel like stone it’s so heavy.

Thanks to the Rogers and Nimocks clan as well as Godfather Gene for your messages. Thanks to cousin Byll for offering to help orchestrate an art show when the #griefheart project is done. And Charles, Party like it’s 1999!

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on … Read more...

Waves of Love – #griefheart number 13

#griefheart thoughtful heart

This heart was sent to me by Debbie Morrison. It appeared on the beach, she took the picture and sent it by text today with the message, “Thinking of you.”

It represents the waves of love and outpouring of support I have gotten since Charles died. Support which has been so important to my aching heart. As such, it had to become part of my #griefheart project as that support is part of my grief journey.

It’s my first heart that is nature made.

Thank you Debbie, Alison, Sophia, Kathleen and Laura. I hope you have a grand time at … Read more...

Proud Heart – #griefheart number 12

#griefheart project
Proud Heart

The first time we did this, I thought it was #iamnotashamed but it’s #imnotashamed. I’m and not I am.

I am sending this to TeamNotAshamed today so it was only fitting to make it today’s #griefheart. Rachel Griffen, a singer songwriter, had an article recently in the Washington Post. And she started the movement asking those with mental illness to speak up. Thank you Rachel.

If moms and dads, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends speak up about those who died by suicide, we could save more lives.

So we have those with mental … Read more...

Heart of steel – #griefheart number 11

#griefheart
Heart of steel

These were Charles’ favorite shoes. Nanny gave them to him. These were the last shoes he was wearing when he died by suicide. So ironic that he’d be wearing “Man of Steel” shoes.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on the blog by #griefheart category.… Read more...

Heavenly heart – #griefheart number 9

#griefheart 8 -heavenly heart

For whatever reason I’m wondering about clouds and heavens today. Thinking about Charles running around on them. So thinking about heaven as an 8-year-old might. I think the image is inspired by the Run Free song Charles wrote where he talks about leaving earth.

I wonder if that’s the fantasy many have when contemplating suicide. It has to be better than here where everything hurts so much. He is at peace now. No longer hurting.

Part of that Run Free song.

“I am sick of all the hurt and the burn
Ima runaway runaway and never return.
Never COMIN’ back
Leanin’ on clouds … Read more...

Musical heart – #griefheart number 8

#griefheart Musical heart #8
Musical heart

“I found my place amongst these beats
And my passion with these stanzas.”
–Charles Aubrey Rogers, 1995-2015

This one is inspired by two songs I thought were lost forever. Charles loved his rap music. He was rarely spotted without those earphones around his neck or earbuds in his ears.

The iPod pictured is one we got for him in 8th grade. He loved it. It held tens of thousands of songs. These are what helped him cope and inspired his writing. You might think of rap music as “bad” but I think without it, Charles would have exited a long … Read more...

Family Love – #griefheart number 7

#griefheart and grieving heart
Family Love

For months, I have mourned not having this song, “Family Matters.” Charles wanted to record that rap song and publish it to iTunes through Imperial Alliance Media, but he died before that happened. I believe he wrote this one about 10 months before he died. So I pick up his backpack and turn to a page and there it is! I have been looking and looking. And it was here the whole time. What a gift.

Charles died by suicide June 5, 2015 and I think he wrote it in May of 2014 before he was addicted to anything. And … Read more...

Grateful Heart – #griefheart number 6

Grateful Heart
Grateful Heart

I had wondered at one point, “How do I show grateful heart?”

This group of friends added a bright spot to my life in my darkest hour. And they continue to do so. Before Charles died, they listened. Since his death, they listen.

You should see all the contortions we went through to get this right. We tried all kinds of complex moves. But in the end, simplicity won. This one in particular means a lot to me. The group effort a part of that love. 🙂 See the outtakes below.

There have been other special friends (BFFs) … Read more...