Grief: Going all ‘hallmark’ on you

grief quote

Grief and I have gone from not knowing each other at all to knowing each other well. What I thought it was compared with what it really is, are so far apart, I have to laugh. But then did I really want to know?

I thought it was only about sadness.

But it’s so much more.

The hair loss, hot flashes, memory losses, sleeplessness, shock, numbness, tiredness, daydreaming, memories, helplessness, pain, isolation, fear, heaviness and waves of despair are part of it.

Then there is that craving for just one more something from the one you love — the unfinished business that a suicide … Read more...

Next speaking engagement about the #griefheart project!

Talk20 -15th Edition

My Topic: The #griefheart Project
When: Tuesday June 14, 2016, 6pm
Where: 201 W 7th St, Richmond, VA 23224
Phone: (434) 906-0374
REGISTER

Description: Talk20 is a gathering of creative people showcasing what’s cool, interesting, and creative in Richmond. There are eight presenters and the only rule is that they have 20 slides and 20 seconds per slide to tell their creative story.

I’ll be taking my 6 minutes to showcase the#griefheart project. What’s the feeling and purpose behind it, what I have discovered and what it has inspired.

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From the Heart- #griefheart number 59

This lovely #griefheart is from Daisy Meadows from my home town. It’s her garden and in the center is a shell, making this one of my prettier #griefhearts. With it she wrote this poem that brought me to tears.  No one should have to take a grief journey alone and the support has made all the difference. This one is truly heart to heart. Thank you for such a lovely and thoughtful gift to this project.

Awakened those in hiding
Given courage to other’s through your own
Helped other’s unknowingly
Slapped the ignorant to a stunning awakening
Created a movement … Read more...

Yellow Diamond Heart- #griefheart number 58

This #griefheart is one in a pair of earrings I bought while working for an awesome dealer/friend in NY.

I was desperately trying to sell them years later to help pay for the support services we needed for Charles before he died by suicide. Treating mental illness and addiction is not cheap and we had gone through $260k in our efforts to help him.

At some point, your money runs out as it did in our case. I had sold so many things. But these did not sell fast enough. I didn’t want to look desperate even though I … Read more...

Relentless

never-give-up

Guilty as charged. Part of my charm.

This one is for those of you who turn away because the subject of suicide  is too much.

You don’t want to read my posts.

You do sometimes with one eye shut.

They make you squirm.

They make you uncomfortable.

They make you sad.

They make you cry.

They are too raw.

You don’t want to be reminded that this awful thing happened to someone.  It’s your worse nightmare and you fear the same might happen to you.

Or you think it couldn’t possibly happen to you. It doesn’t touch your life so … Read more...

Pizza Party Heart– #griefheart number 57

We celebrated the life of my son on his death anniversary of June 5 this weekend Charles’ style. With a party. He loved pizza. He loved his friends and family. He loved parties.

This event was hosted by Beacon Tree Foundation VP and board member, Steve Gennett and his neighbors, part of the Pizza Patio in Richmond, VA.

Lovely event and I do so appreciate family visiting and friends who attended.  Made a tough weekend more manageable. This pizza illustrates the love and compassion I received at that event–from people I know and those I don’t know. So so … Read more...

Death Anniversary Heart– #griefheart number 56

This #griefheart represents all the love and support we have received since Charles’ suicide. It is made up of the grief cards we got after Charles’ death June 5, 2015.

Charles died 4 days after we sold our house, so we moved and I’m not sure this is all of them. But it has to be most of them. It’s a big heart from people with big hearts for a child with a big heart.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart Read more...

Escape Heart– #griefheart number 55

From Charles’ rap song, Run Free:

“Leanin’ on clouds up in heaven with my rap feelin’ free at last
Floatin’ through the present
I ain’t focused on the past”

I hope he has found peace. Still working on finding mine. Thank you Megan for capturing the sky scene I’ve been trying for months to capture.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

Read more...

Video: Forgive me momma – by Charles Aubrey Rogers

Charles would rather Eminem or Cage be performing this rap. But I don’t know their numbers.

Since 8th grade, rap was Charles’ lifeline. He wrote it, performed it and it helped him deal with his depression and his addiction. I’m not talking about the crap rap that is commercially popular, I’m talking about soulful kind that represents the root of the genre.

He never shared his raps with me and other than the ones online. I saw them only after he died. He knew I’d be alarmed. I called his notebooks his Rap Diaries and in those pages, I … Read more...

Cuddle Heart – #griefheart number 54

This was sent to me by another mom, Angel, who lost her daughter to suicide. Their kittens had a litter and three of them were napping and she snapped a picture saying it reminded her of my #griefheart project.

It reminded me what a great cuddler Charles was. More than Richard, Charles needed hugs and reassurance. He always needed more love and compassion than my independent older child (whom I adore, of course). No one gave a better hug than Charles.

Even as a toddler his hug just made me cry it was so full of feeling. I wonder … Read more...