Beach Heart – #griefheart number 51

I remember the number of beach trips we took as a family–most great and one disastrous (that story coming soon).  The great memories outweigh the bad. If it weren’t for my family during those years when we were paying so much for care related to Charles’ mental illness and drug abuse, we would not have had any vacations at all. Not that I resent spending the money because I’d do it all over again to try and save my child.

Thank you to both sides of my family giving us breaks. And thank you to Debbie Rosenbaum, a champion of … Read more...

To those who need it now, don’t let that pilot light of hope burn out

through all the terror i can find beauty and a glimpse of hope

Suicide is loss of hope.

And certainly after you lose a child by suicide, your sense of hope is hard to find.  What do you do after you lose one of the people that gives your life meaning?

The pain of losing my child by suicide was relentless at first until I just went numb and catatonic. That numbness is your body’s only defense to the onslaught of unbearable agony.

Yet through all that despair, I desperately held onto that tiny shred of hope that was going to keep me alive, keep me moving forward. I held onto it with … Read more...

Love to live for– #griefheart number 50

I told Richard, my oldest son and Charles’ brother, what I wanted to do for my #griefheart. I had a hard time getting my hands high enough for his tall self so he kept squatting. He is stifling a laugh over my lack of being able to make a decent heart with may hands.

Dante, his roommate, is trying to hold the camera behind me and in front of my hands. Even funnier.

Both of them are more interested in the attractive wait staff and hostesses than my project by picture 12. Like two year olds I tell you! But … Read more...

Top 10 posts in the last 6 weeks on annemoss.com

This is from April 16 until May 28. I started the blog at the very end of January.to 10 taboo posts

Here is the list from last time.

These are ranked by the number of visits from Google analytics so it’s basically your top ten.  I added a bonus #11 because although it’s Charles’ work which is important to me.

The one that ranks #1 is the one I thought no one would ever read or want to read. It was so cleansing for me to let go of it and not have it swirl around in my head all the time.… Read more...

Boardwalk Love – #griefheart number 49

49-heart

Shortly after Charles’ suicide, someone carved or wrote this on the dock at the pavilion at Woodlake in Midlothian Va where Charles grew up. A mom snapped a photo and sent it to me. Sorry but I can’t remember who sent it. We had sold the house 4 days before he died and we had to move. My life at that point was such a blur. To whomever sent it, thank you.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

Get

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To Charles: Letter to a Fellow Goon – by Jay Skinner

I want to laugh
I’ve heard the news
(and I heard it was you)
So I’m waiting for the punchline

I’m stifling certain giggles until the curtain drops
and we take one last bow together;
Cracking on the lines we jumbled,
the cues we missed
(I’ve got a feeling there’s a big one I should have seen)

You are Charles
(I chew the name like bubblegum; sweet)
but life isn’t a stage, or even an act
You are no one’s son
no one’s brother
no one’s shadow

You are not adjectives, or accomplishments
roles or reversals,
potential rap albums, or … Read more...

A video in memory of Charles Aubrey Rogers –by Adam Bloom

Adam Boom, son of my oldest and best friend, put this together for Charles’ Memorial service in June of last year.

Thank you Adam for putting this together. I could have never managed to do it myself.

I love you and miss you Charles. So much. Your mom is trying to find a life after your suicide.

Get updates to this project by subscribing 

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Unloved Heart – #griefheart number 48

I am always doing hearts about what Charles loved. But today, I’m doing one about something he did not love. And that’s broccoli and pretty much any food in the category of green unless it was a piece of candy.

We were cooking broccoli and we couldn’t help but laugh at the memory of all the ways Charles would make fun of broccoli. He couldn’t eat something that looked like trees.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

Get updates

Read more...

Love from Pie – #griefheart number 47

This heart is in memory of Maggie Moyler who died by suicide at the age of 17 in 2011. Above is her signature.

I knew Maggie as a young child because the Moylers went to the same church we did in Midlothian. She was adorable–an absolute light. She looked like a child right out of a Gap ad and I thought the Moyler’s had the perfect family.

Years later, after Charles died by suicide in June 2015, Charlotte contacted me from their new home in Williamsburg and told me Maggie had died by suicide at 17. I had not heard … Read more...

Lipstick Heart – #griefheart number 46

This heart is to raise awareness for the 45% increase in suicide rates in females from 1999-2014.

Middle-aged women 45-64, had the highest suicide rate among women and the largest increase– a whopping 63%. For females 10-14 years old, the suicide rate increased threefold between 1999 and 2014, a particularly alarming statistic.

I believe lack of resources and lack of conversation regarding mental illness are just two of the reasons suicide has gotten this promotion. Chances are your children know someone at school who has either died by suicide, attempted suicide or talked about it.

Please have a conversation about Read more...