So you see a post online. Maybe it says, “I just want to die.” Or it sounds like a goodbye note, “I love all of you and just want you to know that…..”
Or maybe it’s dripping with despair. Like one of my son’s last tweets.
Regardless of the specific words, it’s the feeling you get when you read a certain post.
Let’s start by what you say or post
So take the ones above as examples. Here are some ways to reply by DM if you can. If not, you can post this on the post because it is an “invitation” asking someone to reach out. These are for friends you know.
“I care and I’d like to talk to you now. I’ll DM you for your number.”
“I’m concerned about you and I want to listen. I promise. No toxic positivity!”
“I’m worried about you. Can you talk? I’ll send my number. Please call. I want to listen. I promise not to try and fix.”
“It sounds like you are really hurting right now and I want you to know I”m here for you.”
The rule is: Meet them where they are! You are not going to “fix” this but you can listen. You don’t want to post things like, “Hey bro, you got so much to live for!” or “What about your sister?”
In private, you can ask, “Are you thinking of suicide?”
If they say “yes,” say things like, “Tell me more,” or “How long have you felt this way?”
Talk with compassion. “I’m here. I’m listening. Please talk to me.”
Connect with the pain. “I’m so sorry you are hurting.”
Don’t try to fix. Focus on them and be there. Take every threat to life seriously.
Other examples
“I’m honored you trust me enough to talk to me about all this.”
“Just keep talking. I’m here. I can’t fix it but I am here and I can listen.”
Try to keep them on the phone or on the messaging system. But sometimes they don’t answer consistently. Stay calm. Stay focused. Encourage an answer. Encourage friends to find a loved one who knows where the person is and can intervene if possible.
What do you do?
If you know someone well enough, reach out to their loved ones and tell them your concerns. Insist that they take the threat seriously. If they don’t, you need to stick with it and make more calls like 988.
Remember if you do not have the connections, the phone number, or any names of relatives, reach out to friends who you think might have them. Let a school or university crisis know. Call 988, explain what’s going on, and ask for their advice.
If he is part of a friend group, one of you might know the person’s loved ones.
If you receive a message by phone or on any social media platform and a suicide death seems imminent, such as someone saying they have a gun, call 911 and let them know the information you do have. But do know that 911 is a last resort but sometimes it is your only choice. I do know a young lady who called 911 and it did save the young man’s life.
What someone else does is beyond your control. All you can do is your best. Suicide can be preventable but it doesn’t mean it always is.
I’ve noticed that teens now post immediately when a friend cries out. It wasn’t always that way but people are now more aware. It’s important to tell a trusted adult.
Guidelines from #Chatsafe of Australia
More information from this podcast: Meet Them Where They Are At — Social Media and Suicide Prevention for Youth: Interview with Dr. Jo Robinson | Episode 96
USA Suicide & Crisis Lifeline call 988
USA Crisis Text 741-741
Suicide & Crisis Lifeline for Veterans call 988, press 1
USA Crisis Line for LGBTQ Youth, call 1-866-488-7386
USA Crisis Text for LGBTQ Youth 678-678
USA TransLifeline call, 1-833-456-4566
USA Suicide Prevention Lifeline & Chat for the Deaf or Hearing impaired. Or dial 711 then 988
United Kingdom Samaritans 116 123
Australia Crisis Line 13 11 14
Canada Crisis Line 1-833-456-4566
Canada TransLifeline 877-330-6366
International suicide hotlines
Other posts that might help:
- ‘My son has admitted he is suicidal. What do I do now?’
- What is the “wrong” thing to say to someone thinking of suicide?“
- Suicide Resources
- To those who think, ‘I’m not qualified to talk to someone who is suicidal’
- A friend posted a message online that sounds suicidal. What do you do or say?
- Should I tell someone my friend is thinking of suicide?
I just keep getting suicidal and I feel worthless. I also feel alone and unwanted a lot. What should I do?
I’m so sorry. I know this is scary and distressing.
Can you talk to a friend? Usually a trusted adult. That slightly annoying adult who doesn’t take “fine” as an asnwer for “How are you?” It’s the person who doesn’t sit around giving you adviee all the time but listens. Here’s why this helps. It’s all stuck in your head and the more you keep it in there the more brain real estate it takes up until it’s all you can think about. Talking just let’s it out. Whether or not it will keep happening is not something I can answer right now but that first step will help. Here is a blog post to help you know what to say and who to say it to. That’s a good place to start.
Let me know if you are willing. And then we will go from there to find where you are most comfortable.
https://annemoss.com/2020/02/26/how-to-tell-someone-i-want-to-kill-myself/