Never is a dangerous word

We use this word when we are highly emotional. Or when we feel life has not treated us fairly.

“My son died and I’ll never get over it.”

“My daughter has relapsed so many times, she’ll never get her act together.”

“I’ll never fall in love again after my husband left me.”

“I’ll never get that promotion.”

“My life sucks and it will never get better.”

Besides being a self-fulfilling prophecy, it can make others feel hopeless and undermine their potential. But hey, you feel what you feel right?

You can do two different things when you catch yourself saying it.

You can decide that it’s your fate and believe it.

Or you can identify the tendency and recognize it for what it is—a roadblock to joy. A big giant wall to moving forward.

You are allowed to be pissed at life for making you go through hell. You can scream at God, or whatever deity you label as your higher power. But the word never is too negatively permanent. It’s doesn’t move, or adapt. It siphons hope and keeps you imprisoned in an ugly place.

You can yell and scream it and then feel relieved to have it gotten out of your system. When you catch yourself, take a deep breath. And then another one.

In that pause, ask yourself, “Do I really want to make myself feel so awful with that declaration? Is that helpful to me?”

If you are in love with your bitterness and relish basking in the glow of your own misery, who am I to come between you and your anger? Stay married to it if that’s what you want.

But if you want friends who like to be with you, family who doesn’t dread your presence, as well as a life worth living, consider dumping the word “never” and never use it again.

Was I a failure as a mother?