by Jessica Donovan Amend
Sitting in my bathroom, with my then fiancé asleep in our bedroom just a few feet away, I sat with tears streaming down my face. I literally fell to my knees praying that God would help me figure this out, help me through this agony that I felt so deeply in my soul.
Now I’m not going to say that YOU need to believe in God and I’m also not going to say that I know anything for certain, but what I do know is that this night, God showed up for me. That night I chose to LIVE. I knew that my life was not spared just a few years before when I had overdosed accidentally and almost died. I knew that my life obviously meant more because I made it through months of treatment working on myself and choosing to work on the important relationships in my life.
My mom fought too hard battling cancer to provide and protect me for me to give up now. My parents have put in too much hard work and love for me to give up now. I’ve fought too hard-working through OCD, anxiety, depression, and ADD to give up now.
What does this mean for you?
Well, when you’re struggling and in this place of wanting to throw in the towel, remind yourself of your hard work and your family. Remind yourself that, “Yes it will be hard as hell to wake up some mornings. But I am here for a reason and I MATTER. I promise YOU MATTER.”
Luckily, the next morning after I tried to end my life, I found the courage to ask for help from a dear friend in the recovery community, Jenny Derr. She helped me find a therapist and was just there for me. And that’s what I needed that day.
Now that I have the tools and resources I need for my mental health, I am in a much better place and I know that when I am feeling like I am in a bad place, I know that it’s time for me talk to someone, or go to a meeting where I know that people want to make time for me.
“I hope that if this message finds you and you are ever in a place of need like I was, that you’ll reach out for help.”Jessica Donovan Amend