The grief of my brother’s suicide

by Nida Fatima (An author living in India)

Farooqui

Today it’s been 10 years since my brother Farooqui’s death. Although it’s been a long time, I have not forgotten him. It’s so painful to remember his last moment. Because I was the only one of the family who was with him, taking care of him.

He lived with major depression and attempted suicide many times. But every time he survived because I was keeping an eye on him every single minute. 

Because he was spiritually bonded with, he always shared his ups and downs with me in the last years before his death. My family was so irritated by him that which was so different from the love and attention he was getting from the family before he became depressed.

So, as I was taking care of him and keeping an eye on him every time because I suffered from the same mental illness.

It was a Wednesday and I don’t know how I got distracted. And he attempted suicide. That day his pain was so intense.  I can’t ever forget his discomfort. I prayed to God to let his spirit free from his body.  

The whole night I cried and prayed to God The next morning on Thursday he died in the hospital. 

I will never forget that Thursday, June 12 when he died. My family sometimes memorializes him on the 12th of June but I cry every Wednesday on the 11th of June. In fact, I remembered the clothes of mine which I was wearing that day because he vomited on me due to the lethal poison. It’s very heart-wrenching. Love you, my brother…

#inspirations 

3 thoughts on “The grief of my brother’s suicide”

  1. Dear Nida, I’m so sorry and I’m so sad that others didn’t recognize the dangers.its so hard for families to understand why and how,I have been the same for a long time.but with Anne, help and commitment life for me is getting better, I dont understand why or how is it just a blip, or wat , but I dont understand it, sometimes its frightening, but I. Praying for you and your family. Xx

  2. Dear Nida,
    Thank you for sharing your story. Suicide happens because of the horrible emotional pain from which the person suffers. After losing my husband to suicide, I know that many do not want to die, but they cannot bear the pain any longer. As your brother did, my husband attempted suicide several times. He tried so hard to fight the unrelenting feelings of self loathing, anxiety, and sadness, but nothing worked. He was so successful as an MD and PhD, but never felt worthy. Mental illness is a terrible disease. I feel we constantly need to reach out to those suffering by asking them to take a walk with us, talk to us, visit with them even for short times, let them know that we know they suffering, but that it WILL pass, let them know we care about them.
    We will never forget our lost ones, but if we can help anyone afflicted with this painful disease, we will honor your brother and my husband.

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