We do not want to experience pain. No one wants withdrawal, wants to lose someone they love, wants to suffer the aftermath of surgery.
However, that pain is how your body and brain heal. While you are in agony, you are healing. The body is adjusting, letting it in, and then lifting it and develops a rhythm with its own cadence. Every unbearable moment you survive is building your emotional muscle.
And your body and brain are recognizing ways to manage the pain so that next time you are more prepared.
I’ve always said the path to real joy is through pain because it’s only after you’ve experienced it that you can truly appreciate what you have and find joy little things. So in a way, pain is a gift.
Someone wrote to me today and told me he took a tour around a beautiful, magical garden. The experience delivered one of the better days he’s had in a long time. This man has struggled through an unbearable depressive episode that has lasted weeks and has fought every day for his life. Resources, where he lives, are not as accessible as they usually are yet he found joy today in this experience.
Had he not experienced the darkness, would he have found such light on that garden tour? Would it have been as enriching an experience?
So if you are in pain or have suffered pain, it wasn’t all in vain. Those cutting marks, dark moments, and surgery stitches are battle scars. That agony after you lost someone you loved has a purpose. It’s not always clear in that moment but later it softens and because part of the tapestry of your life. One in which you endured and persevered and survived so you could move forward.
I am still trying to find the purpose for my pain. I am lost in my purpose. My daughter died a year ago from fentanyl overdose. I am dressing the holidays again. Nothing makes sense anymore even though I am living every day. I get up and work but it isn’t exciting anymore. What is my purpose? How do I move forward. I feel lost even though I am doing what I am suppose to and “moving forward” or on.
Like you I had such expectations for the fist year. I was still a mess. I cried still a lot in support group. I was also very frustrated that I had no real idea of what I was supposed to do although I had spoken once on stage. I deceived I needed to be patient. That things would come to me when I wasn’t hurting so much. My support group really helped and the text string from That group is still active. Even six years later it has softened but I need support from time to time. And I don’t go to support group anymore but co-facilitate the group. I will say I was angry, sad, relieved, hyper happy, and everything in between in grief. Thank you for commenting. It’s always good to connect with another parent even though we didn’t choose this club. Let me know if I can help in any way. I have written a ton here and can post links. I remember most all I wrote here.
Yes my pain has purpose. The purpose is to pull back the scab that has grown over the hole in my heart for 36 years. Did it alone. Would never be willing to peel the scab off , or back, if I didn’t have the support of this group. Now that I have a place to go with my heart ache and pain, any time of the day or night, I feel save. I know that we are all in a sinking ship, but together, I believe we can keep it afloat. Love, hugs and prayer to all.
I love this comment and so humbled by it. It means so much to me that you are part of it and feeling the love.
Thank you, Anne Moss. This is a good tool to reframe my thinking about suffering.