by Mary-ellen Viglis
Grief has no words
It isn’t tangible
It is inexplicable
It is something I wish I didn’t know intricately
Yet I do…
It is made up of
And all the love we have settled into this one word- such a small word – GRIEF- for such a heavy load to bear.
Such a tiny word for such an enormous emotion.
One word seems not enough.
But yet it is the word that describes my existence.
It is Longing for – Just one more moment
A bear hug
A song he sung
A messing with my hair time
A sitting in quiet time
A walk time
A cooking time
A joke after joke after joke time
A sweet word time
An I love you Mom time
A text time
A funny meme time
A holding him time
A sharing space time
A laughing uncontrollably time
Just a moment of time
Just one single moment
Yet this is not possible.
Not at this time
So for now- I close my eyes and I remember each time, every single time every moment of time that I shared with him.
And I talk to him.
And I remind him of each time.
And I know he hears me.
Just this time I can’t hear him back.
So I tell him I love him
And I tell him I’m proud
I tell him I miss him
Time doesn’t matter so much anymore. I can’t go back in time. I ache to. But I can’t.
What matters is the time we had together and all those times will fill the rest of my time.
And there shall be no time that he and I shared that will ever be anything but pure love.
The absolute unconditional accepting love of a
Mother for her son. And a son for his Mother.
That is timeless.
Love is timeless –
And so is grief.
I wish they didn’t have to exist at the same time. But yet they do.
9 thoughts on “What is grief?”
Such a beautiful expression of pain and profound love for a child. We lost our son to suicide six months ago and I feel so much the same way.
Jenny- I’m sure Mary-ellen will also reply if she’s up to it. Six months is still so raw. I’m so sorry. I lost my son to suicide as well.
Thank you for your love and kindness.
I hate that you understand what this type of grief does to a Mom. I am holding space for you in my heart. And sending you love and light. My heart aches for you as well. I’m so sorry for your loss.
This is a pain that only another Mom could understand.
Mary-Ellen, a very true picture of ALL that grief is. I’m so sorry you lost DJ; your shared love is felt through your words. Although memories don’t begin to fill the ache and loss of things that will never come again; thank God we have them. My heart goes out to you… from another mom sharing this unwanted path. 💔
Thank you so much for your love and kindness.
I’m sorry this is a journey your are familiar with. 💜
I’m sorry, Mary-Ellen. A beautiful picture of you and your son DJ. Your words are so very poignant. They capture each and every day in the life of a mother living w/ grief.
Thank you so much.
I’m so sorry. I can see the love you have for each other in the picture.