If Charles was still with us, he’d have grand birthday plans. The pandemic we are in right now would have forced him to change the celebration. But he would have found a creative way around it. I wonder what that would have been.
Charles loved parties. Loved people.
He would talk about his birthday plans in January like the party would be happening the next week. It drove me nuts because he was hyperfocused on it and it was so important to him.
Because he exhausted me daily with party details months in advance, one time I laughed and said something about how he was planning his birthday like it was a national holiday. Richard laughed. My regret is that I had inadvertently hurt his feelings. He was crushed and there was no “unsaying” the remark.
After that, I took care not to make him feel I was making fun of him.
His birthdays since his death by suicide are heartbreaking but not as agonizing as they used to be. I can cuddle up with the pictures and memories now and I relish those moments. They are my only tie to the child I lost. My grief is my friend now.
To my sweet boy, Charles. I love you and miss you. Happy birthday.
The song he wrote, performed, and submitted to iTunes that he refers to at the end of this video is called The American Dream.