Happy 25th birthday to my son in heaven

If Charles was still with us, he’d have grand birthday plans. The pandemic we are in right now would have forced him to change the celebration. But he would have found a creative way around it. I wonder what that would have been.

Charles loved parties. Loved people.

He would talk about his birthday plans in January like the party would be happening the next week. It drove me nuts because he was hyperfocused on it and it was so important to him.

Because he exhausted me daily with party details months in advance, one time I laughed and said something about how he was planning his birthday like it was a national holiday. Richard laughed. My regret is that I had inadvertently hurt his feelings. He was crushed and there was no “unsaying” the remark.

After that, I took care not to make him feel I was making fun of him.

His birthdays since his death by suicide are heartbreaking but not as agonizing as they used to be. I can cuddle up with the pictures and memories now and I relish those moments. They are my only tie to the child I lost. My grief is my friend now.

To my sweet boy, Charles. I love you and miss you. Happy birthday.

The song he wrote, performed, and submitted to iTunes that he refers to at the end of this video is called The American Dream.

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my youngest son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

10 thoughts on “Happy 25th birthday to my son in heaven”

  1. Hello Anne,

    It’s Sam Smith’s mom, Karen. We met several times over the years while the boys were in school. I remember Charles was here with a few others for a sleepover. Anyway he could not sleep and stayed up all night and munched on everything, which was fine with me. He was always a quiet boy except when it came to music and sports, from what I can remember. Sam was here this past Sunday and reminded us about the anniversary. I said a prayer over you and your family inspired by God’s leading. I pray as you continue on this journey helping others you find that sweet peace that passes all human understanding and that God will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7b). You are such a generous mother.

    Thank you for letting me share.

  2. Anne Moss, it’s hard to believe Charles would be 25. How can that much time have passed? It seems like not that long ago that you shared his death with us… I hope you will find great joy in the pictures and memories today, even as you grieve not being able to celebrate with your sweet boy. ❤️

      1. Love that you did that! Where can you find Charles’ songs? Is there a particular one he’s referring to in the video?
        Hugs to you Anne Moss!
        Love, Jayne

        1. Yes. I Should have linked to it. https://soundcloud.com/reezintherevolutionary/american-dream

          They were on iTunes. Now he has only one on itunes. https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Wanna-Be-Patient-Explicit/dp/B01CA6PY02/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=Reezin+the+Revolutionary&qid=1587950658&s=dmusic&search-type=ss&sr=1-2

          His soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/reezintherevolutionary
          My favorite is With Her and then Brainwash. But I do think the American Dream is a good song.

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