How to tell someone I want to kill myself

I know you want to tell someone but you are afraid to. It’s hard to know what to say or to whom. And it’s frightening to think of baring your deepest darkest hurt to another human being. You may even think you’ve been leaving clues that seem like flashing neon signs and no one is picking up on them which makes you think they don’t care. However, what you think is obvious just is not to others.

This is a PDF you can download and keep. You will not have to enter an email.

Your fears

Will the person you tell freak out? Will they think of you as weak or selfish? Will they believe you? I won’t lie. They might.

That’s why it’s important to choose the right kind of person (section below on how to choose the right person). If they don’t understand right at first, it may be because they can’t believe your life would be so bad you’d want to end it. They don’t understand those feelings–how persistent, invasive, convincing and life-threatening they are. So that’s why you have to be very direct and bare your soul.

There is fear sharing your thoughts of suicide. But the alternative is that you might die if you don’t. And you have sunsets to see, people to fall in love with, and lives to save with your story. So keep reading.

1. Make the decision to tell

You looked this up. You are reading it now. You can do this. I know you have the courage because you have endured and fought these thoughts. You’ve managed to live through those episodes and you know how difficult that was.

Telling someone is how you can ask someone to help you save your own life.

2. Who should you tell?

Choose someone who is compassionate. Ask yourself:

  • “Is the person you are thinking less likely to judge others?”
  • “Are they a person who listens?”
  • “Are they less likely to lecture or try to fix you?”

The person you choose could be a parent, aunt, uncle, minister, doctor, coach, therapist, partner, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, co-worker, human resources manager, or friend.

If you are a student, you could tell a teacher, school counselor, or visit a counselor at college.

You can also tell a stranger at a crisis line. You can practice telling me here. Make a list or mental note of 1-3 people you would tell. And then commit to telling that person you chose.

3. How should you tell?

It’s hard to know what to say. If you do tell someone, you worry people will think you are joking. That’s why it’s important to be very direct.

Don’t use phrases like, “I want to hurt myself.” You must be clear because the human you are talking to will not take it as seriously. And this is serious. It’s life or death.

Say something like:

“I have something very important to tell you. This is not a joke. Can you listen? I have been thinking of killing myself and I need help. When I have these thoughts I feel like I don’t have control. I don’t understand these feelings of suicide and they scare me.”

Add your own personal struggles. Be open and heartfelt.

You can tell someone in person.

You can tell someone in a message, on the phone, or write it in a note and hand it to that person while you are there.

My son Charles died by suicide and after his death, I realized he wanted to tell me he was thinking of killing himself in that last phone call. I will always regret that I missed the opportunity to ask.

4. How will the person you tell react?

The person you choose to tell may say something like, “You have so much to live for!”  Or, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” It’s not the right thing but be patient with them. It’s a reactionary statement.

Right at first, the person you tell will probably feel scared because this is so serious. And it is. But once they absorb the news, most people feel honored that someone trusted them with such personal information. And they feel thankful they could help you. So never underestimate how your sharing your soul with another human helps another person.

You can call a local crisis line together (741-741). You can go tell someone together. You can ask someone to tell another human on your behalf. However, you do it, don’t give up.

If you are really feeling like dying by suicide right now, do not wait. Call or tell someone now.

If you leave us, then you take with you the gifts that we have not even realized you have.

You looked this up which is the first step. I congratulate you on that. Make a comment here if you want to practice or have a question. Your task today is to tell someone so you can get the help you deserve.

Article on The Mighty: How to tell my parents I want to die.

USA Suicide & Crisis Lifeline call 988
USA Crisis Text 741-741
Suicide & Crisis Lifeline for Veterans call 988, press 1
USA Crisis Line for LGBTQ Youth, call 1-866-488-7386
USA Crisis Text for LGBTQ Youth 678-678
USA TransLifeline call, 1-833-456-4566
USA Suicide Prevention Lifeline & Chat for the Deaf or Hearing impaired. Or dial 711 then 988
United Kingdom Samaritans 116 123
Australia Crisis Line 13 11 14
Canada Crisis Line 1-833-456-4566
Canada TransLifeline 877-330-6366
International suicide hotlines

Published by

AnneMoss Rogers

AnneMoss Rogers is a mental health and suicide education expert, mental health speaker, suicide prevention trainer and consultant. She is author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind and co-author of Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk with Kim O'Brien PhD, LICSW. She raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost her younger son, Charles to addiction and suicide on June 5, 2015. She is a motivational speaker who empowers by educating and provides life saving strategies and emotionally healthy coping skills. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now that's the legacy she carries forward in her son's memory. Mental Health Speakers Website.

122 thoughts on “How to tell someone I want to kill myself”

  1. thank you so much for writing this, anne, and for all that you do to help people affected by suicide and suicidal thoughts. this helped push me farther away from it in the moment, and made me reach out to my therapist for an early appointment. i will try to write down what i want to say to my parents. i’m 28 but i still want and need their help and love and suppirt. thank you again x

    1. Wow. You are so brave. And thank you so much for taking the step to send me this sweet note. And yes you do still need their support and we want to offer it too. Let me know how it goes if you would. I am here. I will listen.

  2. All I wanted was a way to tell someone how much I want to die without saying the words because I literally cannot speak them. But I guess I do have a little something to write-

    I feel like I gave these last couple years my everything to just hang on a little longer. I’m tired now. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve tried to die and how many times I’ve managed to talk myself out of it. I’m done. I quit, forever this time.
    I just wanted to make it through the police investigation because everyone told me I’d be doing my part that way- protecting other girls. It took more than 2 years and he did get put in prison. I did my part, but no one really seems to care about the toll that took on me. Two years of constant reminders that now I’m a statistic, of not being allowed to talk about what exactly happened, of crying my eyes out wishing he would have just killed me himself. My life was utterly derailed, I don’t have the energy to put the pieces back together.
    I’ll be leaving this life satisfied with my 22 years. I think it will be nice to leave on a good note. I got my degree. I did my part in helping society. I just visited my friend I hadn’t seen in several years. I’m supposed to go home tomorrow. I’m not entirely sure if I will get there. I’m ready to disappear.
    I do not have it in me to talk myself down, so whatever happens, happens and I am at peace with that.

    1. Chloe. Sexual assault victims are still treated like criminals. I am so sorry. I was attacked at age 18. The first thing the cops said to me as I stood there with most my clothes ripped off, my face streaked with tears and red hand marks in my neck from being strangled, was “there is no skin under your fingernails” and I heard them laugh and saying I had a fight with my boyfriend. I never had to face my accuser because they never found him. I am so sorry you had to endure that. I care. I give a shit. I know it’s hell. I know that doesn’t matter much since you do t even know me. But I do know the toll it takes. That book “know my name by chance miller” was a great description of what it’s like to be the victim of an assault.

      Tell me more about the friend you just visited. What is she like? How long have you known her?

      1. I wish it wouldn’t have gone to the police. The only reason it did was because a few weeks afterwards, I was trying to jump off a bridge and they found me crying.

        I met this friend when we were 7 at an international school and she spoke no english. We became best friends very quickly, but then we both moved and at first we managed to visit each other every so often, but then life got crazy and it had been almost 10 years since I’ve seen her.

        Shes going to be a doctor. I’m very proud of her. There isn’t anyone else in the world that I could go that long hardly speaking to and then all of a sudden go stay with them and expect it not to be awkward. But it wasn’t awkward at all. It felt easy and comfortable and we laughed so much.

        The higher the high, the harder the fall, as they say.

        1. The despair and helplessness after an attack is so overwhelming. How you have suffered. After my son died I thought no one understood but my suicide loss group did. I am so grateful for that group because I had never felt pain so intense.

          Thank you for telling me about your friend. That is so lovely that you have had such a friendship. There are few people you can reconnect with like you have her. Does she live close enough to visit? Do you stay in touch through phone, chat or social media?

  3. i am 14 years old i tried taking my life on 11/7 failed got help form the hospital but i still feels like shit i been really down and not able to do thing i used to love now i need to tells someone i am with and who i love so much that i try to kill myself and now i do not know how this is going to work and i still feel like i want to die . got releases on 11/12 and i lied my way out of the hospital i still fell like i want to die but i do not want to go back it sucked

    1. Oh man Nick I am so sorry. You have had a rough time of it. Thank you for posting and trusting me. I really am honored.

      So let’s think through. First, being in the hospital sucks and most don’t feel great when they get out. But they should have had a plan to keep up with you at school. Do you know who your school counselor is? If you can find that out maybe ask a friend to go with you?

      Look you have already taken a first step here. Such a brave step. It’s ok to live right now because you feel obligated to live but it does take time and strategies to work through this.

      Let’s start with maybe you telling me more about what led to your attempt. Do you know all the issues that may have pushed you towards suicide? I am here. I am listening. I will answer.

  4. Talking to others will not help. They just want to get away and put the problem on someone else, or when I talked to my doctor it was drugs to help. I’ve tried to talk to others and they say there not able to help for many reasons. They are afraid of helping. This year I lost my home, lady, equipment, vehicle. One step from living on the street. People know this and never even offered a place to shower. People are so fake. I don’t trust anyone anymore, nobody, doctors included because after my doctor visit for being in crises they never even followed up to see how things are going. Even my dogs vet called me to see how she was doing, but my doctor didn’t. This comment is to say nothing will help because people really don’t want to, it’s all fake help. If

    1. The lack of follow up is amazingly lax. I emphasize that at every one of my trainings and thanks to you who have validated this i will continue to do that.

      I am so sorry you have gotten such crummy support. It sucks so much how you have been treated. I wish people understood that just listening helps. But they feel like the problem is too big to solve not understanding they don’t have to solve it but really just hear you.

      I hear you saying you feel desperate because everything around you is crumbling. Let me know if I have that right or not.

  5. Am Tracy destiny I live with my single mother and my other two siblings …am 16yrs..my dad left us when I was 2yrs and was always mom around to take care of all that we need…all she do is local Brewery…which cast about ten to twenty dollars a month…am the wise one so my elder sister Sacrifice her own education so that i study and bring my small family to glory but mom has been acting lately she doesn’t have money to pay for my school fee anymore…my boyfriend who At least provide for other small things or my school requirements left me and I don’t have anyone who can help us or feed us..has grown thin and I hate seeing my family like this…have been thinking for killing myself lately and I feel scared…today I wanted I wanted to look for away to write my last letter that is less scary for my family 👪..then I came across this

    1. I know you must feel so desperate and full of despair too. I am so sorry. What has happened to you is so difficult. And so unfair. All you have to do when you feel that way is to tell yourself the feelings won’t last long although it feels like forever and the pain is agony. One day at a time and if that isn’t working one hour at a time.

      Since you mentioned her, tell me more about your sister who has sacrificed for you.

  6. Hi Anne. I came across this website, and instead of writing my suicide letter tonight, I’ll just tell you a few things I have going on. I’m 27 years old, the youngest of 7 kids, and am struggling daily with suicidal ideation and severe anxiety. It’s been keeping me from being able to hold a job for more than a few months before it feels unbearable and I have to quit. I also can’t drive due to my anxiety, so this limits my availability for jobs. I’m barely making enough to pay rent. I will never have a job I like, and I will never contribute to society. I feel like a complete waste of space and resources. I can’t do anything, I’m completely useless. I feel like a complete disappointment and huge failure.

    I know where all my poor self esteem comes from, it comes from my abusive parents and siblings, how they treated me and didn’t take care of me. I feel like they absolutely failed me as parents. I was never allowed to express my emotions, and so now as an adult I have no coping mechanisms, no social skills, and just constantly go back and forth between feeling so so so angry and then immediate guilt, even if I didn’t say or do anything. I feel like I’m drowning in guilt.

    I just feel like I’m too far gone at this point. Everything is too difficult, and I am so so painfully lonely. My inner child weeps.

    1. Abigail first I am honored you opened up here. Very touched. And it does sound like you have had a lot to deal with in your life. Unfair stuff. You don’t fix things all at once. You take just one step. And this comment to me is your first step. I am so sorry. Did it feel better to type it all out and let it out? Tell me how this first step feels to you.

  7. I am in a very dark place. I have an amazing job and great kids. I love my husband but he is not there for me. He doesn’t work. He doesn’t do anything. And 2 of his lazy adult children live with us. All we do is fight about these kids. I am severely depressed and ashamed to talk about it. I cry at the drop of a hat and am mad every morning that I actually wake up. I feel like a complete failure and fell like that if I admit that I’m depressed then people will think less of me. If I told my husband I’m not sure he would care. I hate this life. I hate being mentally in pain all the time. I’m tired of not sleeping and of snapping at people all the time. I don’t know what to do. I’d love to just fall asleep and never wake up again.

    1. Oh Kelly you are in a very dark place. I sense you feel it’s all insurmountable, particularly in your state of mind. Let me know if I got that right or not. Having someone just leech off of you and with his kids is so miserable. I had that situation a while back. How long have you felt this way?

    2. Yea, I get that Kelly. Even when you reach out to try to fix things it just makes matters worse. I am in the very same place. I just reached out to my wife saying I loved her and I wanted to do something to make our relationship better. That turned into a major argument that lasted into the next day. So, why even bother. I’m so tired of this existence. Oblivion is sounding real good.

  8. I hate the fact that I’m only 14, but I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts and tendencies ever since my girlfriend passed away (from suicide) when we were both 12. I want to tell my current partner that I feel this way, and he knows that sometimes I can become very unstable, but I don’t want him to leave me. I know he cares about me and all but I really can’t do this anymore. I go to school and get chewed out by bullies, and then I have to go home and face my family. It’s just so.. so tiring. No one knows what I’m going through and no one knows my thought process (I’m very smart academically, and I’m more mature than kids my age) and I just want to let go. I’m sorry I’m ranting on this page that I’ve only ever visited once (just right now) but I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t know what to do with myself. I wake up tired and lay in bed all day, then stay up until 2 am, crying because I tend to overthink. It’s so difficult to pick myself up from the comfort of my bed, because frankly, I need a break. I hate being taunted for my weight and my short hair (I’m a girl) and everyone calling me a lesbian, although I moved to another school presenting as straight, although I am unlabeled. I don’t know when my next attempt will be, but I know it would be soon. My last one was only a month ago, and I’m ready to try again. I’m so sorry.

    1. Hey Oliver. I’m listening and read every word. Twice. First, oh my gosh you lost a friend to suicide at age 12? Holy cow that has to have been so devastating. I am sure you didn’t even know how to process such at loss at that age. And you are mature enouogh to understand that your grief made you suicidal. That is not unusual by the way.

      But Oliver, some part of you doesn’t want to die. I imagine another part does. I can tell you are smart. And kids are so cruel. At this age, they pick on people who are different. I was different so I know. Are you questioning your orientation or gender identity? No judgment here if you are or are not. Or have you simply struggled since your friend’s death?

      I am here listen, OK? I will reply.

    2. I hope you still here and I just let you know that if someone bother you is not you that have problems is the person bothering you is okay to feel sad because we loss someone but that person now regret that decision if you want to talk I’m here I can help you I had bad childhood but I’m good now I was like you at your age now I’m 45 years old and I see I’m a beautiful person is nothing wrong with me so we can talk sending you hugs

  9. I’m am 53 and I keep going on off my meds cause I feel they don’t work..im married with 4 kids 3 grown 1 ..17yr son..he is the reason I feel I won’t kill myself cause I dont want him to deal with what I had 2 when my dad killed himself. But I’m sick and tired of the emotional roller coaster..im up and down. No baths in weeks…not eating sleeping I just want the pain to stop…im tired of being a burden and feeling sorry 4 myself..so dying will only help the pain to stop as long as im living im going feel this..

    1. Aretha, all that sounds so hard. What I’m hearing is that you want to stop the pain and you want to get better at the same time. But the depression is sucking all your energy and you are finding it hard to find your way out of the darkness. By the way, it’s OK to feel obligated to live until you can again feel you want to live. It sounds like you are and have fought so hard. I think you are a warrior. I also admire that you looked up how to tell. That is really very brave.

      It’s so freaking hard to tell someone else the deepest darkest pain in your soul. I don’t think people realize that. How much courage that requires. I am here to listen. And if you want, here to help. Either way, I will respond. Because you deserve to be heard.

  10. Today my life is honest and true. I don’t have
    nearly the material things I once did but what I
    have today is a reflection in the mirror that I can look at and feel good about it.

  11. I’m 48 and I’m in a very dark place.. I been married 10 yrs and the last 2 has been hell but I stayed.. now we are separated. I was staying at my job til he started mess with my boss and now I’m jobless and homeless. He says I need help and when I get back to being the person he met then our marriage can be saved. I plead beg etc.. I can’t take anymore of the name calling. Being belittled etc.. I might as well die because I have nothing to live for. He was my life.. I put off going to the hospital in hopes he would talk to me.. comfort me and tell he will be there for me thru my journey and when I get out and he refuses… I love him .. idk what to do… I didn’t want to give up 10 yrs

  12. I need help. I started medication 2 years ago at 29. I’m bipolar. Nothing has ever worked and I feel really tired and hopeless. I feel like nobody is listening. I feel like eventually I won’t be able to fight it and I’m really scared.

    1. Of course you feel scared. I have heard thousands describe their suicidal thoughts and it’s terrifying. To sort of feel like you are in a place where you have less control has got to be very difficult. My niece is bipolar and I know finding a med that worked for the depression was really hard. So I am going to ask if you have ever considered a support group? To start with. NAMI has one in all states in the USA. They are facilitated by and attended by those who also have depression, bipolar and other brain health issues. It’s not all kumbaya but they know all the good docs and resources there. And they have lives what you have so it’s like you are connecting with people who understand. So if you want I will post a link and you can find a group near you. There are also virtual ones too. I am so sorry this has been such a struggle. I am here ok? To listen and respond. Because you deserve it.

  13. I first wanted to kill myself when i was 11 and that’s the first time I self harmed as well. My mom doesn’t believe in mental illness and thinks it’s a choice. The only reason she said she would stop someone from killing themselves is because it’ll inconvenience her if it happened in front of her. I never felt supported in important things, only what benefited the ‘future’ I ruined in my depressed period. I can’t feel emotions right, I can’t see faces the same because whenever my mom makes a grimace when she’s mad it looks so disgusted cuz she used to yell a lot and sometimes hit me in an argument. Her type of love is ‘tough love’ and she thinks the best motivation is making someone feel bad so they will ‘revenge’ their pride by completing a goal. Some of my friends shared same experiences and it’s considered ‘normal’. Whenever I was bullied I should have sucked it up or fight back because no one would do it for me when I grow up, I was 5 at the time. I’m sorry I used you for ranting and I’m sure you have your own problems but can you please tell me is this normal? I was confused for 3 years now and I’m 13.

    1. What you say here is so important. Some of the responses from parents are at the link below and a handout that I give them. I explain what suicide is–not a choice. Like who would pick feeling suicidal? And the “they are just trying to get attention” remark? Makes me so mad but I tell parents what we are saying when we say that. So I get it. I speak to parents often. And I show a lot of the comments I get on this site. And I share a lot of what you all are saying. (anonymous of course) And they do get it when I present. So keep talking to your friends.

      So I am so sorry you got this response. I always encourage kids to pair up and tell another trusted adult. A coach, a teacher, a school counselor. Being a teen is HARD. Very hard. I have not forgotten it although it’s been decades. And it’s harder now. But I know you can make it. Because you posted this comment you want to figure it out and you will. I am more than happy to help. OK? You answer, I will reply. But I can also just listen and respond and let you know you have been heard. Thank you for the guts to post a comment. To let an adult know that other kids are struggling and not getting the response they need to hear.



  14. I’m 20, last year I was made homeless by my abusive mum and put into a hostel, my fiancé left me when I needed him the most, I was sexually assaulted twice, and just last month I went through an abortion I’ve come to regret. Ive been so suicidal and depressed I don’t even see a point in telling anyone anymore. I’m scared. I feel like whoever I tell will think I’m crying wolf because it’s been just as bad before. I think I’m building up the courage to do it and the more I isolate myself and pull away the better I feel for the aftermath; I don’t want to hurt my family or my partner. They try to help, they do, but when it’s inside, outside can only be changed so much.

    1. Evelyn- I wish so badly I was talking face to face with you right now. I’d give you the biggest, warmest hug. The postpartum alone would put someone in that state of mind. I’m so sorry. Isolating does intensify the feelings. Connection helps dispel them. How do you know how they would respond? Have you talked to anyone about it other than me?

  15. i was trafficked when i was younger. i was gang raped. i was hurt. many abusive relationships in my life because i know im not worth anything more than that. im slowly dying by anorexia anyway. why not just expidite the process. i cant take it any more.

    1. Oh my gosh what cruelty! You have been treated horribly. I wish I was there with you now to wrap you in a warm mom like hug. It’s the most awful human being to take advantage of you like that. Tell me your situation now. Do you live with someone? Are they kind to you? If you answer I definitely will. You do deserve support. And you have mine. I am here ok?

      1. Everything I do always ends up going wrong. I graduated University but yet have nothing to show for it. I’ve attempted suicide before and couldnt even get that right. The only thing currently stopping me is the fear of not achieving it. I fail at everything else I do. I feel like I’m walking round in a trance. Going through the motions. I let everyone down time and time again and I cant take anymore. I just want to die so badly it hurts.

        1. I feel your utter despair. What an awful place for you to be. Tell me who you feel you have let down most recently? And why do you feel that way? I just want to fully understand the scope of your feelings. So I’m listening. And if you reply, I will, too.

          1. I feel I’ve most let down my family. My sister is a drug addict. Shes had 4 children who have all been taken into care. My Mums disabled so unable to go for custody. The other 4 I was too young to look into it but shes recently had a 5th child. It breaks my heart to see her keep doing this and see these babies get taken into care. The social worker asked me if I’d be willing to be assessed to go for full custody of my nephew (this was last June, 6 month after being on a drip for 3 days after attempting suicide). I said yes because I didn’t want to let anyone down. The day before the initial assessment i freaked out and said i couldn’t do it. I hadn’t yet seen my nephew at this point due to him being in intensive care. The second I changed my mind the social worker stopped giving us updates on him and we couldn’t contact her to sort out with seeing him (which we were supposed to be seeing him until he got adopted). He recently got a new social worker who has got in touch with us and said we can see him for the first time to say our goodbyes as hes being adopted. We did that last week and seeing his little face tore my world apart. I had the chance to let him be with family and I feel so selfish to have turned down that chance. I just dont feel I can live with the guilt anymore. I’m sorry for this being so long. It’s a bit of a complicated situation.

            1. I so appreciate your sharing the detail. Thank you. And I’m honored that you trust me enough to tell me the story. I mean this is all heartbreaking- your mom, sister, nephew. It’s all coming at once and at a super vulnerable time for you. I mean still on the drip is not exactly an ideal time to take custody of a child. I can understand your agony now. That is so very hard. And as you said so complicated. I think you made a “self care” decision and what’s best for that child right now and not a selfish decision. I am so sorry this is happening to your family. To all of you.

              I also understand that danger is here right now with regards to your suicidality and I’m so sorry for the despair you feel. If you want to work on a safety plan, which is up to you entirely, I’m willing to do that with you by email. Just let me know at some point if you come back again. And I hope you do.

              You mentioned your mom. Tell me something special about her if you would.

  16. I’ve been in a verbally abusive relationship for awhile now. I feel suicidal but I can’t tell him because he wouldn’t care, I no longer live with my family so I have no real support system. Im going numb, and I don’t feel myself. I never thought this would happen to me. I want to leave him but I my mom wouldn’t understand, she loves him and thinks he’s just the greatest. It’s all a show he puts on. He’s a pathological liar, and has a huge ego. Probably has a mental disorder. I’m not sure but I don’t want to feel this way anymore.

    1. Oh my gosh you don’t deserve this kind of treatment. I am so sorry and I can understand why you feel helpless. If you are in the USA call the domestic violence hotline 1-800-799-7233. Or text the word “start” to 88788. If your husband is like you say he is he won’t care. Your mom will but it looks like she is under his “spell.” Another thought is a friend of your moms who might be sympathetic to your situation. But if you can start with the hotline to find out your options. And I will respond to you here whether you call or not. I am listening to you.

  17. im 14 years old and im going through a tough time right now and i really am about to do suicide really bad and im thinking to do it tonight and i dont know if people would care if i did kill myself and i really want to die my sister is in the mental hospital because almost committing suicide because of me and i really want to help her she had depression and im going through it too and i really want to tell my boyfriend that i want to kill myself but in scared and i think that hes going to think im playing with him please help me

    1. I am here. I am so sorry it’s so intense. Usually the really intense part lasts only over a minute. I hope you are still here. Tell me what you are going through. And I am sorry about your sister.

  18. I’ve talked to my wife about this several times. She just gets annoyed when I talk about it. She thinks I’m just being dramatic. I have no one else to talk to.
    She’s literally my only friend; especially after Covid. I can’t talk to her about it anymore. She just gets angry and annoyed.

    1. I hear that a lot. Those who are closest to us just can’t fathom that you’d feel that bad. They think of it as a “choice” when it’s really something you are driven to in a moment of extreme pain. Men will usually tell a doctor but don’t always have one. And a local crisis line has a protocol and often call themselves. I am so sorry she does not understand how you feel. If you answer I will too. I can’t fix how you feel but I can listen.

  19. I’m sat here now with a note written and a rope at the ready. My wife left me several weeks ago and I just can’t cope with how I feel. I can’t sleep because I’m constantly thinking of her. I’ve lost appetite too.
    I have a constant feeling of anxiety and I want all this to stop. 💔😥

    1. Scott. That is so so painful. You must really love her to feel such despair and it illustrates your capacity for love. I am so sorry. I know your heart is crushed. I can’t fix the situation but I can respond. Tell me more about you.

  20. Hi I’m 22 I’ve recently was fired and now work some where else I have covid and my job won’t pay me I’m getting in to credit card debt to pay the bills, I have a 1 year old son and a wife we have been married 2 years, I just can’t take it any more all I think about is wanting to sleep and never wake up, I don’t even remember what it’s like to have a good day anymore.

    1. Oh George. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. The despair must be awful. It’s so unfair they won’t support you and I’m sorry for the lousy turn of events. Since you mentioned your son, tell me something about him.

  21. Should I tell my family about my impending plans at all, if I’m not interested in getting help or surviving?

    I’m mainly interested in trying to keep their grief to a minimum and maybe giving them some heads up since, they’ll have to take care of the cremation.

    1. I think it is so thoughtful of you to want to lessen the blow for your family. Unfortunately they will suffer. There is no way around that. I wish I could tell you otherwise and I hope you are ok that I am direct and don’t sugarcoat things.

      I would, however, tell them. At least that opens up the conversation.

      But I do want to know about you. How long have you felt like killing yourself?

  22. I have been battling with depression for a really long time now. I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and bipolar. I have had very vivid daydreams about killing myself. I’m always sad and I will be “okay” for a bit and just go back to being very very sad (sometimes the sadness comes on with no triggers) and have those thoughts all over again. It’s a cycle that doesn’t seem to end or get better. I know how to hide what I’m going through from everyone, I don’t want to worry them. But the feeling is becoming more constant. I have looked up assisted suicides because I know I would never be able to follow through on my own. I feel stuck but I feel like I know to keep going on for my son and family. I know suicide is a very selfish act and I would never go through with it because I would never want to affect my son and his life in that horrible way. But I would choose to die in a heartbeat if I knew they would be understanding and accepting with my choice. I want to stop living like this.

    1. I hate that you are suffering like this. And thank you for you post– it is so genuine. I will argue that suicide is not really selfish but it is desperate.

      It also sounds like it is wearing you down. I can understand that. Let me know what you have tried if you would.

      1. Hi Anne,
        I’ve tried a couple different therapists, who I would stop seeing when I feel I have it under control. But after some time I always fall back into the depression. I’ve tried calming apps, exercising but no medications.

        1. A peer group helped me the most. And they are free and I never have to make an appointment. I just show up. Being with others who knew and had been through my pain was helpful to me. I don’t know if that would be your jam. But I can say that people have shared all kinds of coping strategies from beekeeping to rock climbing and woodworking to things like walking in The woods. Many tell me that the combo of— medication, some kind of peer group and coping strategy works for them. So a trio. There is a podcast called the mental illness happy hour. He talks about how he copes with depression and has different guests on the show. Maybe hearing those podcasts might give you ideas that work for you. He also reads surveys from people on his show. I think it’s particularly hard for men. They just are not given many outlets to express themselves and share their feelings. It really bothers me. I guess because I lost a son.

  23. I want to die…… my life is a living hell for me anymore. I am in constant chronic pain from a car wreck many years ago. My mind is screwed up from the wreck. I have ptsd from time I spent in prison… and I still get harassed by cops even though I have not been in trouble in almost 12 years. My biggest problem is I don’t know if someone really cares or loves me. They can say it. But I read people. I pick up on subtle things very quickly and just because when someone says it don’t mean they mean it. I get about 2 to 3 hours of sleep a day. I don’t eat. I’ve went from over 300 pounds down to 175 pounds. I have lung and stomach issues and I’m just tired of everything anymore. I don’t want to fight with my demon’s anymore. I have been struggling with depression and suicide for awhile. And I am at the point of ending it all. And making everyone better since I won’t be around to bother them anymore.

    1. Steve- Thank you for commenting and trusting me. I’m honored you have told me your story. I’m also sorry to be answering so late. I was ill last night (migraine) which has put me behind. But I made answering you first a priority. I hear you say that due to life circumstances and pain from an injury you are feeling like life is not worth living.

      I can’t say one way or another if those who love you and say they do are faking it or not. But I can tell you that when our brain is in the place yours is, it’s hard to see the good parts or that those who love you are genuine in their declarations. Suicidal thinking tends to skew reality making it hard to sort between what’s real and what’s not. Most report constant ambivalence and confusion. That only adds to the isolation.

      My son had a sleep issue. It’s so disruptive to mental health. I’m so so sorry for that. I didn’t get much last night, just ONE night, and I’m not functioning well today. But if you are only getting 2-3 hours per night, that is really exacerbating all your issues. It’s misery not to sleep. My heart goes out to you.

      I am sensing that you are also having doubts about suicide. Am I wrong about that? And you can correct me on anything because this is about you. So I wonder if you’d talk about what your reservations about suicide might be. I will read. I will respond.

  24. Hi Anne, You seem like an incredible person! I’m pretty desperate for help; over the past 6 years I’ve been honest about my struggle with suicidal thoughts & depression with 2 PCPs, my OBGYN, a psychiatrist, 2 counselors, and my husband. But the response from everyone are “sad eyes” or a knee-pat and “but you’re ok, right?” The psychiatrists even said I am not depressed because I have kids, a marriage, and a job and I’m not as bad off as others with whom they help. I’ve told my husband 6 times that I think about killing myself; each time he listens but there is no conversation and I feel dumb afterwards for bringing it up. I’m afraid to confide in anyone else now, but the thoughts are getting more frequent. Since professional help isn’t working and confiding in someone I trust isn’t working, is it possible to move away from suicidal thoughts alone? I’d like to enjoy life, I’d like to not fight the urge to jump out of a moving car, but I can’t seem to find the missing link to get there. Seeking answers from the internet isn’t usually my style but I broke down tonight and begged for help from God and now I’m writing on this website because I don’t know where else to go. Thank you for all of your insights and knowledge on this website- Taylor

    1. Wow Taylor I’m in tears. I am in shock you’ve not gotten more support. People just do not understand that you are serious. So yes, there are self-help guides. And one I read recently by a therapist that’s very good. So I’ll post a link to that. The Suicidal Thoughts Workbook. https://amzn.to/3AxUmeO

      It appears you are in N. Virginia. So here is a NAMI chapter. They have support groups and if you attend one, they usually can help you find a good therapist and the help you need. I can’t tell for sure this would be the closest one. https://www.nami-northernvirginia.org/

      But I want to make sure you are safe from suicide. So there is a crisis text line 741-741 and some emergency measures you can take when you are really feeling it. And you probably can see the triggers that lead to the brain pain. If you plan now to use them, then when you are in crisis you will. So here is the video for emergency responses. https://vimeo.com/360856983 Your safety plan needs to match what you are comfortable with.

      I’m in Virginia, too. (I can tell by the ip address in the admin panel. Sometimes.) I can tell you want to live and that will help. I’m sorry again you are not getting the support like you deserve. It’s not lack of love that’s driving their lack of support but just not being educated. It’s OK if these don’t work for you or something is too far away. You can be honest.

      I’m here. I’m honored you trust me and you posted here. I will help you find help. OK? It might be a back and forth process. But it’s doable and I have done it before with someone much farther away.

  25. Please can someone help me .
    I just want to die.
    I’m not a teenager I’m 52 years old .
    I have 2 sons
    Both of them have a son of there own
    I have been pushed aside after being with my grandson for 15 month.
    I cannot come to terms with the fact that I have now been pushed on one side
    I did everything for my grandson.
    And now I have nothing..
    I’m told I cant see him and they don’t want me anymore
    What is my life without him.
    I don’t want to live any more .
    That little boy was everything to me and now I have nothing
    I want to die because I have nothing left

  26. I have been thinking of suicide constantly the 2 weeks now, I even looked up ways on how to end my life and I picked one. There’s one person I wish I can tell him but I’m afraid he will think that I’m making this up so he get back to me. He is my ex boyfriend, we have been separated for 7 month but we used to talk regularly till 2 weeks ago when we had a big fight. I see him everyday & I tried to tell him but I’m scared he won’t believe me or report it at my work.

    1. Amy that must be so stressful to feel as you do and then in conflict over whether to tell him or not. That fear of how it will be received is paralyzing. So let me ask you this, if he doesn’t take it seriously and doesn’t have a good reaction, how will that feel? I imagine you’ve thought through this or rather worried about it already. So given that, since you’ve probably survived that imagined scenario in your head could you survive it for real? In other words, would it be as bad as you think? And given that, would it make sense to have a backup person just in case? I kind of doubt he’d respond that way and usually the catastrophe we dream up never comes true and we make things worse on ourselves. I also think since you have a history of friendship and as a couple, he still cares about you. You do have to be very direct when you do tell someone. People just don’t understand hints. Is there anyone else you feel you could trust?

      1. Thank you so much for what you are doing and for taking the time to reply. Unfortunately there’s no one else I can trust and even I don’t fully trust his reaction and I’m afraid of him reporting it to my work place thinking he’s helping me.
        I have no one and I feel so alone, I tried to tell him so many times, I tried to talk to him, I told him I want to speak to him but he was always getting angry asking me what’s the matter and this scared me to tell him. I feel that everyone’s life will be much better if I disappeared and maybe this life is not meant for me to live. I don’t remember a day that I was actually happy, I really wish to sleep and never to wake up 🙁

        1. I think he had a normal “man” reaction which is how one acts when they are feeling emotional and they care. It’s frustration I think you were seeing. Given your emotional state, you took it personally. I mean frustration is the result of not understanding what’s right in front of him (I know that because I missed my son’s clues) so please give him a chance. It will destroy him I think if you don’t offer him that. I think it is worth it honestly. To tell him. I mean the alternative is that you die and I don’t get the impression you want that 100%. Some part of you is doubting the choice. And since there is some doubt, isn’t it worth a shot to tell him? I mean the alternative is death. That option is always there, right? I do understand how hard this is. Few understand the courage it takes to tell.

          1. I’m sorry for bothering you again but here is the only place I can speak my thoughts without being judged. 8 days ago I talked to him briefly about my suicidal thoughts, he listened & I thought he cared but apparently I was wrong. He made me promise not to act on my thoughts until he come back from his vacation & I promised him that. Now he thinks that I’m not serious about it & I won’t do it, he brushed it off & makes me feel that I said this just for attention. I mean I have to admit that I’m scared of dying & I don’t know what is waiting for me on the other side but I don’t think it will be worse than this. I searched the least painful way to do it & decided that overdosing pills mixed with alcohol is less painful than hanging myself, I just don’t know when will I do it. I wanted to do it yesterday but my cat seemed to feel it & was cuddling & meowing the whole time yesterday & I also have to secure a place for him before I go. My world is very lonely & cruel. I swear I’m not saying this because I’m looking for attention, I’m just so tired & I can’t take it anymore 🙁

            1. One. You are not bothering me. Two. You told someone and that is so brave. It took enormous courage snd I am proud of you. I know now you CAN save yourself.

              And he didn’t say what he did because he doesn’t love you, he honestly believes or thinks, “life couldn’t possibly be so bad my gf would actually want to kill herself.” He has no idea how intense, convincing and pervasive those thoughts are. The number of people who’ve told me that their loved one said “you are just trying yo get attention” is in the hundreds. Of all the phrases I hate that is in the top three. It is so dismissed invalidating it makes me scream. But we can’t convince him and believe me when I say he doesn’t want to figure out later after you are dead that he should have listened. Just as many families tell me “she said she wanted to suicide and I did not take her seriously.” In addition, the suicide contract (that’s what we call it in suicide prevention circles) is not only ineffective but adds shame to what is essentially a brain attack. A medical event! It’s like telling someone not to have a heart attack. Again, forgive him if his ignorance. Honestly it’s just that he doesn’t understand. I am a suicide prevention trainer and I hear these comments all the time and I have the opportunity to correct them and let them know how to answer with compassion.

              Your brain is lying to you and you can let me know how long those episodes last. On average the episodes of suicidal thinking last about twenty minutes.

              So I found out about a book https://www.amazon.com/Suicidal-Thoughts-Workbook-Emotional-Increase/dp/1684037026/ref=nodl_

              Please order it. And you and I can work through it together by email. https://annemoss.com/contact-2/

              There are lots of other options too. And you can reach out by email or answer here. I will help. You have the courage and strength. So I know you can save yourself. You simplify need support. So I will give you one Suicide prevention “homework assignment.” Look for a class or some group you can join and make a commitment to be part of it. So it could be a hiking group, an art or writing class. Check meetup to find groups in your area. Join a support group through NAMI is another idea. So these are long term. The reason you do this is to increase your connections. That really helps prevent suicide.

              If you get the urge call or text the text line at 741-741. Use the contact form and we can work through solutions that work for you.

              1. Thank you ,, I have sent you an email.

                You said that the average thinking about suicide is about 20 minutes but for me is way longer than that, even while I’m at work I’m still haunted my the thought of it. I sometimes start writing letters to my ex-boyfriend & my mother, some other times I google what’s the best easiest way to go, yesterday for example while at work I googled the best choice of medication for overdose so it’s constant.

                Everyday I wake up disappointed that I’m still alive, especially that I feel that probably the only creature excited & happy to see me alive is my cat.

                One of my biggest disappointment is that I know that I’m always an option in the lives of those I love, my presence & absence are pretty much the same.

                1. I see the email and about to reply. I think the specific episodes where the feeling is strongest is usually shorter but it does sound like you are having a really difficult depressive episode. And the worthlessness is something you feel and percieve but is not actually a fact. I know it feels like it but when you have a negative frame of mind, the brain tends to make you think you don’t count. Which really sucks about the process.

            2. I am lost. I stumbled on this as I continue to read and find solace in articles where I can feel the OPs pain and yet justify to myself that “they dont have it near as bad” which only reaffirms the justification in my mind that this is the right decision.

              I know that’s fckn stupid and I dont wish these thoughts or feelings on anyone. But in my world, my pain is far beyond most as its physical and emotional.

              I suffer from chronic pain and to add insult to injury I suffer from horrible anxiety and depression.

              I honestly thought I was past this until 3 days ago when the panic came back and hit me like a fckn Freight train.

              I sit here now staring at my meds and know, if I do it I will never suffer again. Permanent, blissful sleep.

              The thoughts are not new as Ive dealt with ideation for many years. Just never had the courage to see it through. However at this point with recent relationship issues, pain, panic, isolation, lack of appetite, I’m not finding any reason to stay. Ive even lost 27lbs in 5 wks. I wasnt fat though.

              Perhaps this is me “tellling” someone as I dont really have anyone else in my life. I wish I could go on and complete my story, but even that is a struggle at this point. Who the fck cares?

              Thought I had found my second chance at life with a new significant other I met a few weeks back but even now I struggle to get through the days when I dont hear from or even get a text from her, and that feeling of isolation and sadness immediately sends me to the darkest depts of my subconscious debating if there was even ever anything there.

              Fck!!!!! All I wan to do it finish it.

              I dont even know why I wrote this.

              Apologies for wasting everyone’s time.

              1. Brandon. Did it help at all to write it all out? I feel your emotional pain. What is the source of your physical pain? (Although I could argue emotional pain causes intense physical pain.) is your relationship new? Ok. Enough questions. I hope you reply. I wish I could hug that despair away. I will answer if you do. Thank you for posting here.

  27. I have been dealing with PTSD and depression for a very long time since the Marine Corps. I have several therapists and been on several medications. I really dont know how to tell my boyfriend that I have been suicidal lately. July 4 time frame has always been the worst times for me. Back in 2019 I attempted suicide and failed. I keep saying that the next time I try will that I am going to succeed. I want to tell my boyfriend but anytime I try to bring it up he just ends getting mad at me and ignoring. Which when he does that it does not help it brings me closer to wanting to do it sooner. I would love some advice on what I can say or how to bring it up. Thank you/

    1. So I’m going to start by saying that you’ve given your boyfriend an opportunity to win your trust and he didn’t respond appropriately to your cry for help. Most likely it’s a lack of education and I’ll address that in a moment. I applaud you for continually working to find stability and it shows strength and courage that you have worked toward healing and have kept at it. It’s also understandable that July is something of an “anniversary” of your deep despair and there’s probably some shame attached to the attempt that drives your despair to deeper levels. And by the way, I won’t shame you because good God you’ve been making a herculean effort to heal. I also want to say that I’m honored you trust me as a health partner in such an important decision. And given your past efforts, I understand you to be proactive and capable despite what you suffer with.

      So where are we? I think you’re going to have to choose another trusted adult other than your boyfriend to tell because there’s not much that indicates his response would be any different. Sometimes there are loved ones that take longer to come around.

      Can you help me think of other humans in your life you can tell? A pastor, a therapist, teacher (not sure if you are in school) a friend, a relative, support group member, co-worker. If you work somewhere is there an an EAP or Employee Assistance Program, through which you can get help? Someone empathetic and who will listen? It’s very important we think of that person to tell because your risk is higher with a previous attempt and together I think we can think of someone so you are safe from suicide.

  28. i think i’m going to tell my teacher tomorrow. i wish i could feel comfortable telling my mom right now, but i don’t think i’m ready yet. i told my mom a bit of this back in april, but she kind of dismissed it in a way and kept telling me “don’t let your mind go to that dark place” and saying how i should go to her if i felt that way again. i’ve been feeling like this off an on till this day, but the reason i don’t say anything to her is because whenever she sees a tear in my eye she instantly says “you have nothing to be upset about.” i know i shouldn’t let it get to me but it does, and i feel like what i’m feeling isn’t valid. i know what i’m typing sounds like she is a bad mom, but she’s not. she’s amazing, but i feel like she could handle this better. for the past month i’ve gone into a deeper and darker mindset and i have tried to end it one night. i won’t lie, i regret not going through with it, and i don’t know what stopped me. i thought i have been dropping visible signs to my mom, but she doesn’t seem to pick them up. my grades have dropped so much, when i used to be a great student or that i haven’t wanted to go to lacrosse practice (which i used to get so excited for). today she even looked at my grades and got mad at me for them. all i wanted to do was tell her how i don’t see a point in doing my assignments because i’m going to die soon, but she would just call me dramatic. i would write more, but i don’t want to be annoying. i hope i follow through with my plan tomorrow, but as for now, it’s just a plan. (also i’m sorry if my writing is confusing, it’s late and my head can’t focus)

    1. What you have said here is so on target and what I hear from many your age. Parents who don’t take a confession of suicide from their child seriously are not bad parents but because we really do not believe you will suicide and because we think that life couldn’t be so bad you’d take your life, we moms dismiss it. In the mean time moms and dads often tell us not to cry when crying is healthy expression.

      Tell your teacher. I think that is a great idea and one I have recommended. Usually they (your teacher and the school counselor) set up an assessment for you and when they tell your mom. The whole issue sounds more like something important when it comes from an adult. Please tell today. You will feel nervous but tell your teacher you have something to tell her and you feel nervous. If you say that it helps the other person be more understanding and patient. Do come back and let me know how it went or if you need more support from me. You can use this form to get it touch if you want me to call your school. https://annemoss.com/contact-2/

  29. I have a date set when im gunna do it. I don’t know what to do other than this, what will telling someone actually do? Will it change how I feel because I don’t want to tell someone if I end up doing it anyway, I can’t put that on someone thinking they could of done something. I’m so scared that it will be like this forever I just feel so alone and I don’t know what to do.

    1. If you read some of the stories here, they’ll tell you that you won’t always feel the way you do now. I hear those comments all the time. Ones like, “I attempted suicide or thought about it and then I didn’t and I’m so glad now.” Some of them say their life isn’t perfect now but improving. I would never promise “it will get better.” But if you invest in your self-care and work through it and believe it will get better, often it does. It starts with dealing with your trauma, or mental illness and developing healthy coping strategies, a skill that will benefit you for a lifetime. It does feel really awful and just the fact that you asked and said what you did, indicates that some part of you is unsure about suicide. And given that it’s permanent, if there is doubt, you need to set a new date. Sometimes people do that to save themselves. I know one friend who makes the dates and then marks on her calendar the day before to find an excuse to put it off for later, in her case, she asks is she ABSOLUTELY sure and she has never been absolutely sure.

      Actually, just telling and talking to someone does help a lot. Those who suffer often tell me that. And I read that in the comments here. Writing helped me a lot as did running. My niece went through it and she used both those strategies plus knitting, and leaning on the peers in the support group she started at school. Ice cold water on the wrists, telling yourself “feeling like this is only temporary.” Mindfulness breathing.

      For me, talking about my son’s suicide has helped me find healing. It will always hurt. I will always carry him in my heart. I will always miss him. But the grief doesn’t take me to my knees every day as it did for years.

      So choose someone to tell. If you are young, try to tell a school counselor. You can email a teacher. It can’t hurt, right?

      Here is Lauren’s story.

  30. I’ve thought daily about suicide. I need to make it through the holidays and my birthday so my kids won’t have anguish attached to it all. I came up with a plan and a rough idea for a date. It’s a relief to think I only have to make it another couple weeks. I’m sad for them, they don’t have another parent who will care for them or love them the way I do but I can’t keep this up. They all deserve better and as much as I’ve tried I haven’t been successful. I don’t deserve any of them.

      1. They will be fine. In a month we will be homeless so their dad won’t have a choice but to take them in. I don’t have the income or credit required to get a new place, even though I am educated and employed. I shouldn’t struggle the way I do.

        1. I am so sorry you lost your job. In this pandemic that’s an overt place to be. Your despair is real and understandable. You should not have this struggle. Who will take care of your children? Tell me something about your kids. Describe them to me if you would.

  31. I am a middle-aged mother of many. And I have elderly parents to care for and my job. I am overwhelmed and I just don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t know how to tell my husband. He is so good and I am such a burden. I just want it to all be over, but I don’t want to hurt my family. I keep trying to figure out a time that would hurt them less. I don’t think life is going get better, particularly not with Covid and lockdowns.

    1. It is really difficult right now. And I can’t promise your life will get better but I do know things change as do emotions. But is there anyone you know you can talk to. About how you feel? Just talking helps you get it out of your head. And you can write it here too. Writing helps. But people usually employ several strategies. Reaching out fir help to make sure you can save your own life is step one. I am so sorry you hurt. Your pain is real and deserves care. Think of that one person you could tell. You are welcome to reply and we can talk it out.

      1. I ended it up telling my husband…he was very sweet and very compassionate…but he doesn’t understand the depths of my despair and that I am on the brink. He just continued the day as normal. And this just makes me more hopeless because no one will help me.

        1. Oh Maria. I am so sorry. Please don’t think he doesn’t care. He simply doesn’t know what to do. It’s very common for people to “freeze” like your husband has. I am sorry this is more work than it should be. I ache for you.

          Call 911. Now. This is a medical emergency. Wear a mask but you need to go to the ER because your life is at risk. That’s what the ER is for. Or ask him to take you. But I would say call 911. I want you safe from suicide.

  32. I’m 55 my kids are gone. I feel mot needed anymore. My husband works so many hours I don’t see hi much it’s like we live two different lives. I feel like I’m in a lower class of my children. They don’t know I feel that way. I want a dog to love and snuggle up to but my husband doesn’t want one. That dog would love me unconditionally no explanation. I’ve been sober 25 years I achanged my life for the better of my children I haven’t felt like this since I was drinking. Now we’re going in the grey by the sound of it. I’m sure once again if I want to see them it will be only through a window. I’m tired so tired hut lonely and desperately sad. I was looking in my garage wondering will that hold me long enough. I don’

    Cry and cry all the time. I m so sick of our medical system. Waiting and waiting. Life hurts so much I also don’t think anyone lip likes me why would they

    1. I feel the despair in your comment. I wish I was there to hold your hand and sit and listen. Covid is making things so much harder. It is so isolating. You say your kids are gone and I assume you mean out of the house. Have you always struggled with thoughts of suicide? Might that have been why you turned to substances at one time? And when you were in the throes of addiction did it make you feel better? I hope you are ok with all these questions. I am hoping you will tell me more.

  33. I wrote my note this morning. I read this while trying to figure out what I wanted to say and I know I want to tell my friend that I wrote the note and I mean it but he’s already having a really weird and hard time right now and I have no idea how he’ll react. I don’t have all that many friends and he’s the only one I know who probably won’t think of me much different. I don’t want to put him in a hard place right now or have a worse time because I know he’s upset already and has so much going on but… I don’t know anymore. I need to tell someone and an adult will just try to logic it away… I’m scared and confused and I don’t know what to do anymore.

    1. It’s natural to have second thoughts, opal. It’s very hard to tell someone. But I think you can be honest with him and tell him what you just wrote. That you are concerned how he might react but he is someone you trust and it’s a friendship you value. I want you to try and think about how he’d feel if you died by suicide and he never got to hear what you had to say. He’d always wonder what he did wrong and why you didn’t tell him. You can even share this page, your comment and mine. So follow through with telling your friend. I admire your courage. You came here, you wrote the note, you are almost there. I know how much you want to tell. And he might think, “What now?” And I can answer that. He is your partner in finding help or that next step. You need to get a psychological assessment to see what your suicide risk is and what the underlying reasons are and how they can be treated. So it would be a mental health organization in your state or county if you are in the US. So here in Virginia, we have the Department of Behavioral Health. And they have a crisis line locally. So that’s where I’d call for someone in the city. The two of you can text 741-741 which is the crisis text line and ask for resources in your area. (That works in Canada and US). Another option is to call the state chapter of National Alliance of Mental Illness, they usually have a warm line that will help you find resources for that assessment. Having someone with you to help find that next step to get help is just because two brains are better than one. For example if you are in school, maybe he’d go with you to tell a school counselor. So once you have told him and you want to know next step, I can try and help if you give me your city and state. I can see what resources are in the area. You can do this. You’ve endured these thoughts. So I know you have what it takes. I am impressed with your courage. Let me know if I’ve answered your question. I want to help. OK?

  34. I’m ready to die tonight. I want to tell my best friend, but he’s on vacation. I don’t want to interrupt him. He’s the one person I want to hear from the most. He’s the one person I want to talk to more than anyone else–even my mom. I just want someone I love to know how I feel. I want him to know how important he is to me. My pain will never end as long as I’m alive. It just goes away for a while and keeps coming back.

    1. Interrupt him! Please. He would be devastated if you died and never reached out to him. And suicidal thoughts do have a pattern. If you can, start writing down things you’ve noticed. Triggers? Are you alone more when they hit? (and in this pandemic isolation is driving a lot of people’s dark thoughts). Are you in a depressive episode now? How often are they? Typically, they last a certain amount of time. So for example, some episodes are about twenty minutes and it’s an irrational state of mind. It’s scary, too. Because when you come out of it you wonder how you could think like that. But it’s a chemical imbalance in your brain that can be treated. And I want you to get that help, that relief so you can find joy again. Call your friend now. Don’t text. Please call. Then together you guys can choose a trusted adult to tell. OK? Come back. Ask questions, next steps. I’ll answer it. And by the way, I’m honored you’d post this here and see it as a place where you can trust. Thank you.

      1. I got a call from someone before I got the courage to call my friend. We talked, then I called my peacher at church and we talked for even longer. I’m okay tonight, now. I still want to hear from my best friend, but since I’m not in crisis anymore should I wait? I’m not very good at finding patterns and correlations in my behavior like you suggest, but maybe keeping a log will help. I could record a time/date stamp, where I am, what I’m doing (specific), and maybe what I’m feeling? What else will help? What do I do with my log?

        Something I’ve wondered for years… Why is dieing wrong? Don’t I have just as much right to end my life as I do to live it? It seems just as selfish for the world to want to force me to endure my deep emotional pain as it is for me to want to end it.

        1. Your ideas are fantastic. So, yes. As you become more aware, you will see patterns and learning more helps you figure it all out. A therapist can help as well.

          I’m glad you talked with someone. And yes, call your friend. It’s good to call when you are not in crisis, too. And choose a trusted adult that the two of you can speak with. He can be with you for a call or whatever but it’s so important you get help and have support. And ALL OF US need support and help at some point for something. When my son died by suicide I was in pieces. And if it weren’t for my friends I don’t know what I would have done.
          But it’s interesting isn’t it? How that feeling comes on and then it just dissolves. While I’ve never had the feelings I’ve sat with many who have and it’s always like the person is coming out of a trance. So you know it’s a limited time.

          So here’s what I’m thinking:
          1. Call your friend and talk to him. It’s OK to say that you are nervous and it’s not easy. He’s your best friend. You can say it to him.
          2. Choose a trusted adult to speak with about this issue as soon as you can. You can do that together.
          3. Take the notes just like you suggested to look for patterns and triggers. That knowledge will help you understand it better.
          4. List some crisis lines in your phone. There is also an app called My3 that’s good. But I want you to have a plan when and if it hits next. My3 helps you work out a plan. So if your best friend is not available, could you call that minister? Can you text the crisis text line at 741-741? These are suggestions and thoughts. And don’t think for one single second that you are weak. Because if you have endured these thoughts, you are strong. And you posted here and that took so much courage. So I know you have it in you? I hope you can see that. Telling does take a lot of courage.

          And as for your final comment, there is a short book about that subject that is really good. Suicide, the Forever Decision. https://qprinstitute.com/pdfs/Forever_Decision.pdf The idea is that when you are considering suicide, you are in an altered state of mind. And that most who survive an attempt want to live and the entire time someone is in suicidal up until the moment they attempt to take their life there are doubts. And since it’s an irrational state of mind, it’s like you are not making a sound decision. So it’s not that it’s a sin or something like that. It’s just that if you check out, we are robbed of what you could be and you take all your gifts with you. a friend of my son’s wrote me after his suicide. My son saved his life and stopped him and another friend from killing themselves. He wrote, “My family and I are so grateful I am alive today. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be.”

          And I, nor anyone else has control over that decision for you. All we can do is help you save your own life. Please call your friend.

  35. the work you do is beautiful. i’m sure it has worked and will work for a lot of people in need. however, i’d like to join charles. i feel like now he feels at ease. i know it might sound cruel to you but you wouldn’t understand the feeling of wanting to end this life that lays heavy on my shoulders with every problem growing into a bigger one. from the early childhood to this point. i need that. i’m tired. i want to die. all 30 years of my life i was an outsider everywhere i go starting with my family. i can’t take this anymore. i look in a mirror and i see nothing i would want or need to live for. this chapter of my existence must be over. i would prefer a less painful method as i feel i have endured enough pain in my life. i want my death to be as painless as possible. also, please don’t try to report this, i’m putting a fake email. i’m not leaving the his comment just to get attention. i’m sorry if this hurts you, my uncle hunt himself and i remember my mom crying for several years. but again, i’m sure my uncle found his peace when he took his life. i wonder how long it will take me and where i could do it in my apartment.

    1. As painful as this is, it’s beautifully written. I wish I could help, fix it, do something that would help you have hope. But because you have put in a fake email, you are unlikely to see this. I have no way of contacting you even if you did. I can’t call authorities on an email. I can only read and respond and tell you that you matter.

  36. I typed in tonight how to effectively hang myself. I have wanted to die more than live these past several years.
    Your website popped up. I am so sorry for your loss and your strength from your grief is unbelievable. You are one amazing family ❤️

    1. I am so sorry you feel so badly and have struggled with thoughts of suicide. I hope you can find treatment. But I also know it’s not really a choice. Thank you so much for your kind words. You can tell me about your pain. I will listen and respond.

  37. Anne,
    Thank you for this incredible resource.
    Thank you for reaching out to people like me.
    I’m sorry that you lost your son, but I am glad that you’ve turned that loss into an opportunity to help others.
    I hope you’re doing OK, too. I imagine this can be hard for anyone in your position. Thank you again.

    1. I am so glad you found this valuable. And thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. You are welcome to come back and let me know how things are going. I am here to listen.

      1. I am doing much better today, thank you for offering to listen. I’m going to reach out to a professional in my area for ongoing therapy, I think it’s time that I did that. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, and I’m beginning to realize how that I don’t have to look at things as all or nothing.

  38. The demon/voice/urge whatever you call it, visits every day, sometimes up to 10x a day. Been happening so long and so often i thought everyone experienced it. Its a cunning bastard, sometimes coy and endearing, sometime raging and violent, always convincing, always looking for an opportunity to steer me toward it. The daily battles have waged for years but now, now Im tired, now Im losing, i’ve seen it. i cling to the last 2 reasons i have but like i said, Its a cunning bastard.

    1. HI, “Not Henry”. Such a battle you have fought. The story of your pain is so beautifully stated. So well said, I actually feel it.

      I want you to look up Frank King. https://twitter.com/theMHcomedian He is a friend of mine who also suffers from almost constant suicidal thoughts. But he found a way to make it background noise. I have no idea how. He and several others have just written a series of workbooks for men who live with mental health issues as he does. It just came out. He says that every single day, suicide is on the menu. He has several TEDx talks, too.

      You are welcome to keep talking here, too. I’ll listen and respond. It is wearing you down. How could it not? Thank you for the courage to post what you did.

  39. I daily plot for killing myself.but had a hope for living.Dr.refered me for rehabilitation but I am not capable to afford rehab..can u help

    1. Nida. I am so sorry you are struggling with this. And I commend you for seeking ways to keep yourself alive.

      So let’s start with you telling me more about your pain and your plot to kill yourself.

      Also let me know where you live. Not your exact address. Just the general area. I am honored you trust me with your darkness.

      1. Thanks, for your concern ..you are following me on Twitter.yesterday we have a Twitter conversation also .I have appreciated u for being a such lovely lady and mom too..so u thanked me their..but I was hassitating to share my issues there.Actually I am a bipolar sufferer and on medications since last 10years.now medicine are making resistant towards my body..and because of my childhood age I have not been morally supported by my family.its a long story .At present I can’t survive because the reason is the financial help provided from my family is insulting me ,because want me to get treatment but don’t want listen my past and did not want be in touch with me.they says if we did wrong so we are supporting you now with money..I rely felt a lady like you who is privileged to be own by their children ,because I also lost my brother like Charles..today I only miss him so badly.but see again I the next member of a family want same from family ,again I became like him .Because he was not also understood by family what he wants,and me too .so if they cannot take stand for me till now ,so I feel to take insulting to take their lovable money..They love their status,money ,society,..though it’s killing someone who is no one but a children a ‘daughter’.so getting suffocated in this society..my husband is not enough to take burden of my expenses so I m getting totally messed with my life..I am from India..otherwise I would rely came to meet to you their anyhow ..the days I never forget of my my brother illness, he use to be very close to me and comes crying on my lap and sometimes hug me ..it rely kills that I couldn’t saved him ,so this gives me strength that not to kill myself,family says why u fight with people for him or for yourself .forget all those incident but he was my elder brother and my family too,and I can’t forget his pain till death..whatever did with him is doing with me infact my case is worse than him.sometimes I link up the things like similarities between both my brother and me.So that time I realise we were both alike that is why we were bonded with other till now also.He always comes in my dream only .so family says why don’t you get out all of this but rely hate those people who did wrong with him and made him a mystery.Well he went from this nasty world but I with my pain keep on fighting to survive but now it’s overwhelming me ,and I can’t bear the pain now.so trying to escape all these judgements and conflicts . I want to go into rehab but financialy but my husband couldn’t bear.its too expensive. When I read your story it rely felt that you are a person who is as determined as like me that wrote a book ” for your son in regret of losing him.please give me your mailing I’d.so could share some more things with you..love you for bieng a lovely mom..because in this world no body lives for anybody and no body take stand for anybody especially when it’s tough .they finaly “they live in present and leave the past”..I started to raise voice against my family so no body is knowing this in my family but husband supports me a lot and “father helps me with financial help but I want be independent but due to my bipolar I drop out the the the things…it’s long conversation ,I would hope that you will understand that I m in severe pain..

        1. Wow Nida. Thank you for telling me your story. I do remember your name so I appreciate your letting me know where I’ve seen it. Reach out on the contact form. And that will go to my email. And today, your job is not to fix everything but to keep yourself alive. I hope writing all that out helped. I am sorry about your brother. https://annemoss.com/contact-2/

  40. I keep thinking about killing myself. I want to tell someone. I told my husband but he is burying his head in the sand. I don’t know who I can tell. Everyone I think of I don’t think they would listen. The one person I texted I needed to talk earlier today still hasn’t replied. I feel so alone.

    1. Oh Kerrie that is so frustrating it makes me ache. And makes me mad. Here you are doing exactly as I would want but people are failing to reply appropriately. I am so sorry. So here is what I suggest. If you send me what your city and state are, I can help you find a local number to call. Or you can google the name of your county and state for the local crisis line. So for example, if you live in chesterfield county virginia, you would look up chesterfield county crisis line. But I can help if you send city and state or county and state. The local numbers are typically responsive. The other thought is to text that friend again. Often all of us miss text messages and it’s not personal when it’s missed. It’s just an oversight.

  41. I know how IT feels like i fight it every day you don’t want to get up every day you have to fight every day TO make it through the day i don’t have anyone to talk to about how i feel i just wish there was books on how to make it through the day for free

    1. Hi Ray. You can talk here. And you can reach out to me at this form. I’ll answer with my email. (I can’t type it here because I get spammed.) https://annemoss.com/contact-2/

      And there is a book. It’s on amazon and free on a library site. “How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person’s Guide to Suicide Prevention”

      Here are the links to that book I mentioned above from two places. This one is recommended by counselors and those with lived experience like yourself.


      Free on this site.

      Thank you for wanting to figure out how to help us help you save your own life. I’m honored you reached out and commented. Many people will google this and see your response and will feel less isolated and also need this resource. So you are not only on the path to saving yourself. You will save others, too. And that’s a pretty wonderful thing.
      Anne Moss Rogers, Owner of Emotionally Naked and mom of a son who died by suicide

      1. Hi,were do I start or begin, if been suffering for years now.it comes in waves and I have no control.i have been to drs n I got medication also a dr n nurse from mental health hospital came out to my house,but I feel a failure, hate myself feel I’m in the way I dont want to be here.its sad for family but I have spoken to them n they watch me as much as possible. I cry daily n I’m weak n tired now.i have great family n job n house n car.but it seems it’s no enough. If I won the lottery it no make any difference to me at all.iv lost 2 stone in weight n I’m very seldom hungry. I could go on and on.but I feel I’m going dw the dark hole.i feel I’m a mouse running around the wheel.the feeling in my stomach is horrendous and my head is wasted.my go and my councillor said my head is like a person in a car crash it’s all over the place. Sorry but that’s a small part of how I’m feeling daily.

        1. Gary. You are really suffering. For such a long time. You have described your pain so well and I appreciate that because it helps me to understand the level of your agony. It’s not fair because you have made efforts. First thank you for your trust. Second is thank you for your effort in making the effort to stay alive.

          I am sharing this article with you. I can’t fix this but I can listen and share what others have written. I am here and I am willing to listen. And I am amazed at how you are still trying and not giving up although your brain is trying to make that happen.


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