How to tell someone I want to kill myself

I know you want to tell someone but you are afraid to. It’s hard to know what to say or to whom. And it’s frightening to think of baring your deepest darkest hurt to another human being. You may even think you’ve been leaving clues that seem like flashing neon signs and no one is picking up on them which makes you think they don’t care. However, what you think is obvious just is not to others.

Your fears

Will the person you tell freak out? Will they think of you as weak or selfish? Will they believe you? I won’t lie. They might.

That’s why it’s important to choose the right kind of person (section below on how to choose the right person). If they don’t understand right at first, it may be because they can’t believe your life would be so bad you’d want to end it. They don’t understand those feelings–how persistent, invasive, convincing and life-threatening they are. So that’s why you have to be very direct and bare your soul.

There is fear sharing your thoughts of suicide. But the alternative is that you might die if you don’t. And you have sunsets to see, people to fall in love with, and lives to save with your story. So keep reading.

1. Make the decision to tell

You looked this up. You are reading it now. You can do this. I know you have the courage because you have endured and fought these thoughts. You’ve managed to live through those episodes and you know how difficult that was.

Telling someone is how you can ask someone to help you save your own life.

2. Who should you tell?

Choose someone who is compassionate. Ask yourself:

  • “Is the person you are thinking less likely to judge others?”
  • “Are they a person who listens?”
  • “Are they less likely to lecture or try to fix you?”

The person you choose could be a parent, aunt, uncle, minister, doctor, coach, therapist, partner, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, co-worker, human resources manager, or friend.

If you are a student, you could tell a teacher, school counselor, or visit a counselor at college.

You can also tell a stranger at a crisis line. You can practice telling me here. Make a list or mental note of 1-3 people you would tell. And then commit to telling that person you chose.

3. How should you tell?

It’s hard to know what to say. If you do tell someone, you worry people will think you are joking. That’s why it’s important to be very direct.

Don’t use phrases like, “I want to hurt myself.” You must be clear because the human you are talking to will not take it as seriously. And this is serious. It’s life or death.

Say something like:

“I have something very important to tell you. This is not a joke. Can you listen? I have been thinking of killing myself and I need help. When I have these thoughts I feel like I don’t have control. I don’t understand these feelings of suicide and they scare me.”

Add your own personal struggles. Be open and heartfelt.

You can tell someone in person.

You can tell someone in a message, on the phone, or write it in a note and hand it to that person while you are there.

My son Charles died by suicide and after his death, I realized he wanted to tell me he was thinking of killing himself in that last phone call. I will always regret that I missed the opportunity to ask.

4. How will the person you tell react?

The person you choose to tell may say something like, “You have so much to live for!”  Or, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” It’s not the right thing but be patient with them. It’s a reactionary statement.

Right at first the person you tell will probably feel scared because this is so serious. And it is. But once they absorb the news, most people feel honored that someone trusted them with such personal information. And they feel thankful they could help you.

You can call a local crisis line together. You can go tell someone together. You can ask someone to tell another human on your behalf. However, you do it, don’t give up.

If you are really feeling like dying by suicide right now, do not wait. Call or tell someone now.

If you leave us, then you take with you the gifts that we have not even realized you have.

You looked this up which is the first step. I congratulate you on that. Make a comment here if you want to practice or have a question. Your task today is to tell someone so you can get the help you deserve.

USA 1-800-273-8255
USA Crisis Text 741-741
USA Crisis Line for LGBTQ Youth 1-866-488-7386
USA Crisis Text for LGBTQ Youth 678-678
USA TransLifeline 1-833-456-4566
USA Suicide Prevention Lifeline & Chat for the Deaf or Hearing impaired. Or dial 711 then 1-800-273-8255
United Kingdom Samaritans 116 123
Australia Crisis Line 13 11 14
Canada Crisis Line 1-833-456-4566
Canada TransLifeline 877-330-6366
International suicide hotlines

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind and co-author with Kim O'Brien PhD, LICSW of Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my younger son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide on June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, coping strategies/resilience, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

74 thoughts on “How to tell someone I want to kill myself”

  1. I’m sat here now with a note written and a rope at the ready. My wife left me several weeks ago and I just can’t cope with how I feel. I can’t sleep because I’m constantly thinking of her. I’ve lost appetite too.
    I have a constant feeling of anxiety and I want all this to stop. 💔😥

    1. Scott. That is so so painful. You must really love her to feel such despair and it illustrates your capacity for love. I am so sorry. I know your heart is crushed. I can’t fix the situation but I can respond. Tell me more about you.

  2. Hi I’m 22 I’ve recently was fired and now work some where else I have covid and my job won’t pay me I’m getting in to credit card debt to pay the bills, I have a 1 year old son and a wife we have been married 2 years, I just can’t take it any more all I think about is wanting to sleep and never wake up, I don’t even remember what it’s like to have a good day anymore.

    1. Oh George. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. The despair must be awful. It’s so unfair they won’t support you and I’m sorry for the lousy turn of events. Since you mentioned your son, tell me something about him.

  3. Should I tell my family about my impending plans at all, if I’m not interested in getting help or surviving?

    I’m mainly interested in trying to keep their grief to a minimum and maybe giving them some heads up since, they’ll have to take care of the cremation.

    1. I think it is so thoughtful of you to want to lessen the blow for your family. Unfortunately they will suffer. There is no way around that. I wish I could tell you otherwise and I hope you are ok that I am direct and don’t sugarcoat things.

      I would, however, tell them. At least that opens up the conversation.

      But I do want to know about you. How long have you felt like killing yourself?

  4. I have been battling with depression for a really long time now. I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and bipolar. I have had very vivid daydreams about killing myself. I’m always sad and I will be “okay” for a bit and just go back to being very very sad (sometimes the sadness comes on with no triggers) and have those thoughts all over again. It’s a cycle that doesn’t seem to end or get better. I know how to hide what I’m going through from everyone, I don’t want to worry them. But the feeling is becoming more constant. I have looked up assisted suicides because I know I would never be able to follow through on my own. I feel stuck but I feel like I know to keep going on for my son and family. I know suicide is a very selfish act and I would never go through with it because I would never want to affect my son and his life in that horrible way. But I would choose to die in a heartbeat if I knew they would be understanding and accepting with my choice. I want to stop living like this.

    1. I hate that you are suffering like this. And thank you for you post– it is so genuine. I will argue that suicide is not really selfish but it is desperate.

      It also sounds like it is wearing you down. I can understand that. Let me know what you have tried if you would.

      1. Hi Anne,
        I’ve tried a couple different therapists, who I would stop seeing when I feel I have it under control. But after some time I always fall back into the depression. I’ve tried calming apps, exercising but no medications.

        1. A peer group helped me the most. And they are free and I never have to make an appointment. I just show up. Being with others who knew and had been through my pain was helpful to me. I don’t know if that would be your jam. But I can say that people have shared all kinds of coping strategies from beekeeping to rock climbing and woodworking to things like walking in The woods. Many tell me that the combo of— medication, some kind of peer group and coping strategy works for them. So a trio. There is a podcast called the mental illness happy hour. He talks about how he copes with depression and has different guests on the show. Maybe hearing those podcasts might give you ideas that work for you. He also reads surveys from people on his show. I think it’s particularly hard for men. They just are not given many outlets to express themselves and share their feelings. It really bothers me. I guess because I lost a son.

  5. I want to die…… my life is a living hell for me anymore. I am in constant chronic pain from a car wreck many years ago. My mind is screwed up from the wreck. I have ptsd from time I spent in prison… and I still get harassed by cops even though I have not been in trouble in almost 12 years. My biggest problem is I don’t know if someone really cares or loves me. They can say it. But I read people. I pick up on subtle things very quickly and just because when someone says it don’t mean they mean it. I get about 2 to 3 hours of sleep a day. I don’t eat. I’ve went from over 300 pounds down to 175 pounds. I have lung and stomach issues and I’m just tired of everything anymore. I don’t want to fight with my demon’s anymore. I have been struggling with depression and suicide for awhile. And I am at the point of ending it all. And making everyone better since I won’t be around to bother them anymore.

    1. Steve- Thank you for commenting and trusting me. I’m honored you have told me your story. I’m also sorry to be answering so late. I was ill last night (migraine) which has put me behind. But I made answering you first a priority. I hear you say that due to life circumstances and pain from an injury you are feeling like life is not worth living.

      I can’t say one way or another if those who love you and say they do are faking it or not. But I can tell you that when our brain is in the place yours is, it’s hard to see the good parts or that those who love you are genuine in their declarations. Suicidal thinking tends to skew reality making it hard to sort between what’s real and what’s not. Most report constant ambivalence and confusion. That only adds to the isolation.

      My son had a sleep issue. It’s so disruptive to mental health. I’m so so sorry for that. I didn’t get much last night, just ONE night, and I’m not functioning well today. But if you are only getting 2-3 hours per night, that is really exacerbating all your issues. It’s misery not to sleep. My heart goes out to you.

      I am sensing that you are also having doubts about suicide. Am I wrong about that? And you can correct me on anything because this is about you. So I wonder if you’d talk about what your reservations about suicide might be. I will read. I will respond.

  6. Hi Anne, You seem like an incredible person! I’m pretty desperate for help; over the past 6 years I’ve been honest about my struggle with suicidal thoughts & depression with 2 PCPs, my OBGYN, a psychiatrist, 2 counselors, and my husband. But the response from everyone are “sad eyes” or a knee-pat and “but you’re ok, right?” The psychiatrists even said I am not depressed because I have kids, a marriage, and a job and I’m not as bad off as others with whom they help. I’ve told my husband 6 times that I think about killing myself; each time he listens but there is no conversation and I feel dumb afterwards for bringing it up. I’m afraid to confide in anyone else now, but the thoughts are getting more frequent. Since professional help isn’t working and confiding in someone I trust isn’t working, is it possible to move away from suicidal thoughts alone? I’d like to enjoy life, I’d like to not fight the urge to jump out of a moving car, but I can’t seem to find the missing link to get there. Seeking answers from the internet isn’t usually my style but I broke down tonight and begged for help from God and now I’m writing on this website because I don’t know where else to go. Thank you for all of your insights and knowledge on this website- Taylor

    1. Wow Taylor I’m in tears. I am in shock you’ve not gotten more support. People just do not understand that you are serious. So yes, there are self-help guides. And one I read recently by a therapist that’s very good. So I’ll post a link to that. The Suicidal Thoughts Workbook.

      It appears you are in N. Virginia. So here is a NAMI chapter. They have support groups and if you attend one, they usually can help you find a good therapist and the help you need. I can’t tell for sure this would be the closest one.

      But I want to make sure you are safe from suicide. So there is a crisis text line 741-741 and some emergency measures you can take when you are really feeling it. And you probably can see the triggers that lead to the brain pain. If you plan now to use them, then when you are in crisis you will. So here is the video for emergency responses. Your safety plan needs to match what you are comfortable with.

      I’m in Virginia, too. (I can tell by the ip address in the admin panel. Sometimes.) I can tell you want to live and that will help. I’m sorry again you are not getting the support like you deserve. It’s not lack of love that’s driving their lack of support but just not being educated. It’s OK if these don’t work for you or something is too far away. You can be honest.

      I’m here. I’m honored you trust me and you posted here. I will help you find help. OK? It might be a back and forth process. But it’s doable and I have done it before with someone much farther away.

  7. Please can someone help me .
    I just want to die.
    I’m not a teenager I’m 52 years old .
    I have 2 sons
    Both of them have a son of there own
    I have been pushed aside after being with my grandson for 15 month.
    I cannot come to terms with the fact that I have now been pushed on one side
    I did everything for my grandson.
    And now I have nothing..
    I’m told I cant see him and they don’t want me anymore
    What is my life without him.
    I don’t want to live any more .
    That little boy was everything to me and now I have nothing
    I want to die because I have nothing left

  8. I have been thinking of suicide constantly the 2 weeks now, I even looked up ways on how to end my life and I picked one. There’s one person I wish I can tell him but I’m afraid he will think that I’m making this up so he get back to me. He is my ex boyfriend, we have been separated for 7 month but we used to talk regularly till 2 weeks ago when we had a big fight. I see him everyday & I tried to tell him but I’m scared he won’t believe me or report it at my work.

    1. Amy that must be so stressful to feel as you do and then in conflict over whether to tell him or not. That fear of how it will be received is paralyzing. So let me ask you this, if he doesn’t take it seriously and doesn’t have a good reaction, how will that feel? I imagine you’ve thought through this or rather worried about it already. So given that, since you’ve probably survived that imagined scenario in your head could you survive it for real? In other words, would it be as bad as you think? And given that, would it make sense to have a backup person just in case? I kind of doubt he’d respond that way and usually the catastrophe we dream up never comes true and we make things worse on ourselves. I also think since you have a history of friendship and as a couple, he still cares about you. You do have to be very direct when you do tell someone. People just don’t understand hints. Is there anyone else you feel you could trust?

      1. Thank you so much for what you are doing and for taking the time to reply. Unfortunately there’s no one else I can trust and even I don’t fully trust his reaction and I’m afraid of him reporting it to my work place thinking he’s helping me.
        I have no one and I feel so alone, I tried to tell him so many times, I tried to talk to him, I told him I want to speak to him but he was always getting angry asking me what’s the matter and this scared me to tell him. I feel that everyone’s life will be much better if I disappeared and maybe this life is not meant for me to live. I don’t remember a day that I was actually happy, I really wish to sleep and never to wake up 🙁

        1. I think he had a normal “man” reaction which is how one acts when they are feeling emotional and they care. It’s frustration I think you were seeing. Given your emotional state, you took it personally. I mean frustration is the result of not understanding what’s right in front of him (I know that because I missed my son’s clues) so please give him a chance. It will destroy him I think if you don’t offer him that. I think it is worth it honestly. To tell him. I mean the alternative is that you die and I don’t get the impression you want that 100%. Some part of you is doubting the choice. And since there is some doubt, isn’t it worth a shot to tell him? I mean the alternative is death. That option is always there, right? I do understand how hard this is. Few understand the courage it takes to tell.

          1. I’m sorry for bothering you again but here is the only place I can speak my thoughts without being judged. 8 days ago I talked to him briefly about my suicidal thoughts, he listened & I thought he cared but apparently I was wrong. He made me promise not to act on my thoughts until he come back from his vacation & I promised him that. Now he thinks that I’m not serious about it & I won’t do it, he brushed it off & makes me feel that I said this just for attention. I mean I have to admit that I’m scared of dying & I don’t know what is waiting for me on the other side but I don’t think it will be worse than this. I searched the least painful way to do it & decided that overdosing pills mixed with alcohol is less painful than hanging myself, I just don’t know when will I do it. I wanted to do it yesterday but my cat seemed to feel it & was cuddling & meowing the whole time yesterday & I also have to secure a place for him before I go. My world is very lonely & cruel. I swear I’m not saying this because I’m looking for attention, I’m just so tired & I can’t take it anymore 🙁

            1. One. You are not bothering me. Two. You told someone and that is so brave. It took enormous courage snd I am proud of you. I know now you CAN save yourself.

              And he didn’t say what he did because he doesn’t love you, he honestly believes or thinks, “life couldn’t possibly be so bad my gf would actually want to kill herself.” He has no idea how intense, convincing and pervasive those thoughts are. The number of people who’ve told me that their loved one said “you are just trying yo get attention” is in the hundreds. Of all the phrases I hate that is in the top three. It is so dismissed invalidating it makes me scream. But we can’t convince him and believe me when I say he doesn’t want to figure out later after you are dead that he should have listened. Just as many families tell me “she said she wanted to suicide and I did not take her seriously.” In addition, the suicide contract (that’s what we call it in suicide prevention circles) is not only ineffective but adds shame to what is essentially a brain attack. A medical event! It’s like telling someone not to have a heart attack. Again, forgive him if his ignorance. Honestly it’s just that he doesn’t understand. I am a suicide prevention trainer and I hear these comments all the time and I have the opportunity to correct them and let them know how to answer with compassion.

              Your brain is lying to you and you can let me know how long those episodes last. On average the episodes of suicidal thinking last about twenty minutes.

              So I found out about a book

              Please order it. And you and I can work through it together by email.

              There are lots of other options too. And you can reach out by email or answer here. I will help. You have the courage and strength. So I know you can save yourself. You simplify need support. So I will give you one Suicide prevention “homework assignment.” Look for a class or some group you can join and make a commitment to be part of it. So it could be a hiking group, an art or writing class. Check meetup to find groups in your area. Join a support group through NAMI is another idea. So these are long term. The reason you do this is to increase your connections. That really helps prevent suicide.

              If you get the urge call or text the text line at 741-741. Use the contact form and we can work through solutions that work for you.

              1. Thank you ,, I have sent you an email.

                You said that the average thinking about suicide is about 20 minutes but for me is way longer than that, even while I’m at work I’m still haunted my the thought of it. I sometimes start writing letters to my ex-boyfriend & my mother, some other times I google what’s the best easiest way to go, yesterday for example while at work I googled the best choice of medication for overdose so it’s constant.

                Everyday I wake up disappointed that I’m still alive, especially that I feel that probably the only creature excited & happy to see me alive is my cat.

                One of my biggest disappointment is that I know that I’m always an option in the lives of those I love, my presence & absence are pretty much the same.

                1. I see the email and about to reply. I think the specific episodes where the feeling is strongest is usually shorter but it does sound like you are having a really difficult depressive episode. And the worthlessness is something you feel and percieve but is not actually a fact. I know it feels like it but when you have a negative frame of mind, the brain tends to make you think you don’t count. Which really sucks about the process.

  9. I have been dealing with PTSD and depression for a very long time since the Marine Corps. I have several therapists and been on several medications. I really dont know how to tell my boyfriend that I have been suicidal lately. July 4 time frame has always been the worst times for me. Back in 2019 I attempted suicide and failed. I keep saying that the next time I try will that I am going to succeed. I want to tell my boyfriend but anytime I try to bring it up he just ends getting mad at me and ignoring. Which when he does that it does not help it brings me closer to wanting to do it sooner. I would love some advice on what I can say or how to bring it up. Thank you/

    1. So I’m going to start by saying that you’ve given your boyfriend an opportunity to win your trust and he didn’t respond appropriately to your cry for help. Most likely it’s a lack of education and I’ll address that in a moment. I applaud you for continually working to find stability and it shows strength and courage that you have worked toward healing and have kept at it. It’s also understandable that July is something of an “anniversary” of your deep despair and there’s probably some shame attached to the attempt that drives your despair to deeper levels. And by the way, I won’t shame you because good God you’ve been making a herculean effort to heal. I also want to say that I’m honored you trust me as a health partner in such an important decision. And given your past efforts, I understand you to be proactive and capable despite what you suffer with.

      So where are we? I think you’re going to have to choose another trusted adult other than your boyfriend to tell because there’s not much that indicates his response would be any different. Sometimes there are loved ones that take longer to come around.

      Can you help me think of other humans in your life you can tell? A pastor, a therapist, teacher (not sure if you are in school) a friend, a relative, support group member, co-worker. If you work somewhere is there an an EAP or Employee Assistance Program, through which you can get help? Someone empathetic and who will listen? It’s very important we think of that person to tell because your risk is higher with a previous attempt and together I think we can think of someone so you are safe from suicide.

  10. i think i’m going to tell my teacher tomorrow. i wish i could feel comfortable telling my mom right now, but i don’t think i’m ready yet. i told my mom a bit of this back in april, but she kind of dismissed it in a way and kept telling me “don’t let your mind go to that dark place” and saying how i should go to her if i felt that way again. i’ve been feeling like this off an on till this day, but the reason i don’t say anything to her is because whenever she sees a tear in my eye she instantly says “you have nothing to be upset about.” i know i shouldn’t let it get to me but it does, and i feel like what i’m feeling isn’t valid. i know what i’m typing sounds like she is a bad mom, but she’s not. she’s amazing, but i feel like she could handle this better. for the past month i’ve gone into a deeper and darker mindset and i have tried to end it one night. i won’t lie, i regret not going through with it, and i don’t know what stopped me. i thought i have been dropping visible signs to my mom, but she doesn’t seem to pick them up. my grades have dropped so much, when i used to be a great student or that i haven’t wanted to go to lacrosse practice (which i used to get so excited for). today she even looked at my grades and got mad at me for them. all i wanted to do was tell her how i don’t see a point in doing my assignments because i’m going to die soon, but she would just call me dramatic. i would write more, but i don’t want to be annoying. i hope i follow through with my plan tomorrow, but as for now, it’s just a plan. (also i’m sorry if my writing is confusing, it’s late and my head can’t focus)

    1. What you have said here is so on target and what I hear from many your age. Parents who don’t take a confession of suicide from their child seriously are not bad parents but because we really do not believe you will suicide and because we think that life couldn’t be so bad you’d take your life, we moms dismiss it. In the mean time moms and dads often tell us not to cry when crying is healthy expression.

      Tell your teacher. I think that is a great idea and one I have recommended. Usually they (your teacher and the school counselor) set up an assessment for you and when they tell your mom. The whole issue sounds more like something important when it comes from an adult. Please tell today. You will feel nervous but tell your teacher you have something to tell her and you feel nervous. If you say that it helps the other person be more understanding and patient. Do come back and let me know how it went or if you need more support from me. You can use this form to get it touch if you want me to call your school.

  11. I have a date set when im gunna do it. I don’t know what to do other than this, what will telling someone actually do? Will it change how I feel because I don’t want to tell someone if I end up doing it anyway, I can’t put that on someone thinking they could of done something. I’m so scared that it will be like this forever I just feel so alone and I don’t know what to do.

    1. If you read some of the stories here, they’ll tell you that you won’t always feel the way you do now. I hear those comments all the time. Ones like, “I attempted suicide or thought about it and then I didn’t and I’m so glad now.” Some of them say their life isn’t perfect now but improving. I would never promise “it will get better.” But if you invest in your self-care and work through it and believe it will get better, often it does. It starts with dealing with your trauma, or mental illness and developing healthy coping strategies, a skill that will benefit you for a lifetime. It does feel really awful and just the fact that you asked and said what you did, indicates that some part of you is unsure about suicide. And given that it’s permanent, if there is doubt, you need to set a new date. Sometimes people do that to save themselves. I know one friend who makes the dates and then marks on her calendar the day before to find an excuse to put it off for later, in her case, she asks is she ABSOLUTELY sure and she has never been absolutely sure.

      Actually, just telling and talking to someone does help a lot. Those who suffer often tell me that. And I read that in the comments here. Writing helped me a lot as did running. My niece went through it and she used both those strategies plus knitting, and leaning on the peers in the support group she started at school. Ice cold water on the wrists, telling yourself “feeling like this is only temporary.” Mindfulness breathing.

      For me, talking about my son’s suicide has helped me find healing. It will always hurt. I will always carry him in my heart. I will always miss him. But the grief doesn’t take me to my knees every day as it did for years.

      So choose someone to tell. If you are young, try to tell a school counselor. You can email a teacher. It can’t hurt, right?

      Here is Lauren’s story.

  12. I’ve thought daily about suicide. I need to make it through the holidays and my birthday so my kids won’t have anguish attached to it all. I came up with a plan and a rough idea for a date. It’s a relief to think I only have to make it another couple weeks. I’m sad for them, they don’t have another parent who will care for them or love them the way I do but I can’t keep this up. They all deserve better and as much as I’ve tried I haven’t been successful. I don’t deserve any of them.

      1. They will be fine. In a month we will be homeless so their dad won’t have a choice but to take them in. I don’t have the income or credit required to get a new place, even though I am educated and employed. I shouldn’t struggle the way I do.

        1. I am so sorry you lost your job. In this pandemic that’s an overt place to be. Your despair is real and understandable. You should not have this struggle. Who will take care of your children? Tell me something about your kids. Describe them to me if you would.

  13. I am a middle-aged mother of many. And I have elderly parents to care for and my job. I am overwhelmed and I just don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t know how to tell my husband. He is so good and I am such a burden. I just want it to all be over, but I don’t want to hurt my family. I keep trying to figure out a time that would hurt them less. I don’t think life is going get better, particularly not with Covid and lockdowns.

    1. It is really difficult right now. And I can’t promise your life will get better but I do know things change as do emotions. But is there anyone you know you can talk to. About how you feel? Just talking helps you get it out of your head. And you can write it here too. Writing helps. But people usually employ several strategies. Reaching out fir help to make sure you can save your own life is step one. I am so sorry you hurt. Your pain is real and deserves care. Think of that one person you could tell. You are welcome to reply and we can talk it out.

      1. I ended it up telling my husband…he was very sweet and very compassionate…but he doesn’t understand the depths of my despair and that I am on the brink. He just continued the day as normal. And this just makes me more hopeless because no one will help me.

        1. Oh Maria. I am so sorry. Please don’t think he doesn’t care. He simply doesn’t know what to do. It’s very common for people to “freeze” like your husband has. I am sorry this is more work than it should be. I ache for you.

          Call 911. Now. This is a medical emergency. Wear a mask but you need to go to the ER because your life is at risk. That’s what the ER is for. Or ask him to take you. But I would say call 911. I want you safe from suicide.

  14. I’m 55 my kids are gone. I feel mot needed anymore. My husband works so many hours I don’t see hi much it’s like we live two different lives. I feel like I’m in a lower class of my children. They don’t know I feel that way. I want a dog to love and snuggle up to but my husband doesn’t want one. That dog would love me unconditionally no explanation. I’ve been sober 25 years I achanged my life for the better of my children I haven’t felt like this since I was drinking. Now we’re going in the grey by the sound of it. I’m sure once again if I want to see them it will be only through a window. I’m tired so tired hut lonely and desperately sad. I was looking in my garage wondering will that hold me long enough. I don’

    Cry and cry all the time. I m so sick of our medical system. Waiting and waiting. Life hurts so much I also don’t think anyone lip likes me why would they

    1. I feel the despair in your comment. I wish I was there to hold your hand and sit and listen. Covid is making things so much harder. It is so isolating. You say your kids are gone and I assume you mean out of the house. Have you always struggled with thoughts of suicide? Might that have been why you turned to substances at one time? And when you were in the throes of addiction did it make you feel better? I hope you are ok with all these questions. I am hoping you will tell me more.

  15. I wrote my note this morning. I read this while trying to figure out what I wanted to say and I know I want to tell my friend that I wrote the note and I mean it but he’s already having a really weird and hard time right now and I have no idea how he’ll react. I don’t have all that many friends and he’s the only one I know who probably won’t think of me much different. I don’t want to put him in a hard place right now or have a worse time because I know he’s upset already and has so much going on but… I don’t know anymore. I need to tell someone and an adult will just try to logic it away… I’m scared and confused and I don’t know what to do anymore.

    1. It’s natural to have second thoughts, opal. It’s very hard to tell someone. But I think you can be honest with him and tell him what you just wrote. That you are concerned how he might react but he is someone you trust and it’s a friendship you value. I want you to try and think about how he’d feel if you died by suicide and he never got to hear what you had to say. He’d always wonder what he did wrong and why you didn’t tell him. You can even share this page, your comment and mine. So follow through with telling your friend. I admire your courage. You came here, you wrote the note, you are almost there. I know how much you want to tell. And he might think, “What now?” And I can answer that. He is your partner in finding help or that next step. You need to get a psychological assessment to see what your suicide risk is and what the underlying reasons are and how they can be treated. So it would be a mental health organization in your state or county if you are in the US. So here in Virginia, we have the Department of Behavioral Health. And they have a crisis line locally. So that’s where I’d call for someone in the city. The two of you can text 741-741 which is the crisis text line and ask for resources in your area. (That works in Canada and US). Another option is to call the state chapter of National Alliance of Mental Illness, they usually have a warm line that will help you find resources for that assessment. Having someone with you to help find that next step to get help is just because two brains are better than one. For example if you are in school, maybe he’d go with you to tell a school counselor. So once you have told him and you want to know next step, I can try and help if you give me your city and state. I can see what resources are in the area. You can do this. You’ve endured these thoughts. So I know you have what it takes. I am impressed with your courage. Let me know if I’ve answered your question. I want to help. OK?

  16. I’m ready to die tonight. I want to tell my best friend, but he’s on vacation. I don’t want to interrupt him. He’s the one person I want to hear from the most. He’s the one person I want to talk to more than anyone else–even my mom. I just want someone I love to know how I feel. I want him to know how important he is to me. My pain will never end as long as I’m alive. It just goes away for a while and keeps coming back.

    1. Interrupt him! Please. He would be devastated if you died and never reached out to him. And suicidal thoughts do have a pattern. If you can, start writing down things you’ve noticed. Triggers? Are you alone more when they hit? (and in this pandemic isolation is driving a lot of people’s dark thoughts). Are you in a depressive episode now? How often are they? Typically, they last a certain amount of time. So for example, some episodes are about twenty minutes and it’s an irrational state of mind. It’s scary, too. Because when you come out of it you wonder how you could think like that. But it’s a chemical imbalance in your brain that can be treated. And I want you to get that help, that relief so you can find joy again. Call your friend now. Don’t text. Please call. Then together you guys can choose a trusted adult to tell. OK? Come back. Ask questions, next steps. I’ll answer it. And by the way, I’m honored you’d post this here and see it as a place where you can trust. Thank you.

      1. I got a call from someone before I got the courage to call my friend. We talked, then I called my peacher at church and we talked for even longer. I’m okay tonight, now. I still want to hear from my best friend, but since I’m not in crisis anymore should I wait? I’m not very good at finding patterns and correlations in my behavior like you suggest, but maybe keeping a log will help. I could record a time/date stamp, where I am, what I’m doing (specific), and maybe what I’m feeling? What else will help? What do I do with my log?

        Something I’ve wondered for years… Why is dieing wrong? Don’t I have just as much right to end my life as I do to live it? It seems just as selfish for the world to want to force me to endure my deep emotional pain as it is for me to want to end it.

        1. Your ideas are fantastic. So, yes. As you become more aware, you will see patterns and learning more helps you figure it all out. A therapist can help as well.

          I’m glad you talked with someone. And yes, call your friend. It’s good to call when you are not in crisis, too. And choose a trusted adult that the two of you can speak with. He can be with you for a call or whatever but it’s so important you get help and have support. And ALL OF US need support and help at some point for something. When my son died by suicide I was in pieces. And if it weren’t for my friends I don’t know what I would have done.
          But it’s interesting isn’t it? How that feeling comes on and then it just dissolves. While I’ve never had the feelings I’ve sat with many who have and it’s always like the person is coming out of a trance. So you know it’s a limited time.

          So here’s what I’m thinking:
          1. Call your friend and talk to him. It’s OK to say that you are nervous and it’s not easy. He’s your best friend. You can say it to him.
          2. Choose a trusted adult to speak with about this issue as soon as you can. You can do that together.
          3. Take the notes just like you suggested to look for patterns and triggers. That knowledge will help you understand it better.
          4. List some crisis lines in your phone. There is also an app called My3 that’s good. But I want you to have a plan when and if it hits next. My3 helps you work out a plan. So if your best friend is not available, could you call that minister? Can you text the crisis text line at 741-741? These are suggestions and thoughts. And don’t think for one single second that you are weak. Because if you have endured these thoughts, you are strong. And you posted here and that took so much courage. So I know you have it in you? I hope you can see that. Telling does take a lot of courage.

          And as for your final comment, there is a short book about that subject that is really good. Suicide, the Forever Decision. The idea is that when you are considering suicide, you are in an altered state of mind. And that most who survive an attempt want to live and the entire time someone is in suicidal up until the moment they attempt to take their life there are doubts. And since it’s an irrational state of mind, it’s like you are not making a sound decision. So it’s not that it’s a sin or something like that. It’s just that if you check out, we are robbed of what you could be and you take all your gifts with you. a friend of my son’s wrote me after his suicide. My son saved his life and stopped him and another friend from killing themselves. He wrote, “My family and I are so grateful I am alive today. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be.”

          And I, nor anyone else has control over that decision for you. All we can do is help you save your own life. Please call your friend.

  17. the work you do is beautiful. i’m sure it has worked and will work for a lot of people in need. however, i’d like to join charles. i feel like now he feels at ease. i know it might sound cruel to you but you wouldn’t understand the feeling of wanting to end this life that lays heavy on my shoulders with every problem growing into a bigger one. from the early childhood to this point. i need that. i’m tired. i want to die. all 30 years of my life i was an outsider everywhere i go starting with my family. i can’t take this anymore. i look in a mirror and i see nothing i would want or need to live for. this chapter of my existence must be over. i would prefer a less painful method as i feel i have endured enough pain in my life. i want my death to be as painless as possible. also, please don’t try to report this, i’m putting a fake email. i’m not leaving the his comment just to get attention. i’m sorry if this hurts you, my uncle hunt himself and i remember my mom crying for several years. but again, i’m sure my uncle found his peace when he took his life. i wonder how long it will take me and where i could do it in my apartment.

    1. As painful as this is, it’s beautifully written. I wish I could help, fix it, do something that would help you have hope. But because you have put in a fake email, you are unlikely to see this. I have no way of contacting you even if you did. I can’t call authorities on an email. I can only read and respond and tell you that you matter.

  18. I typed in tonight how to effectively hang myself. I have wanted to die more than live these past several years.
    Your website popped up. I am so sorry for your loss and your strength from your grief is unbelievable. You are one amazing family ❤️

    1. I am so sorry you feel so badly and have struggled with thoughts of suicide. I hope you can find treatment. But I also know it’s not really a choice. Thank you so much for your kind words. You can tell me about your pain. I will listen and respond.

  19. Anne,
    Thank you for this incredible resource.
    Thank you for reaching out to people like me.
    I’m sorry that you lost your son, but I am glad that you’ve turned that loss into an opportunity to help others.
    I hope you’re doing OK, too. I imagine this can be hard for anyone in your position. Thank you again.

    1. I am so glad you found this valuable. And thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. You are welcome to come back and let me know how things are going. I am here to listen.

      1. I am doing much better today, thank you for offering to listen. I’m going to reach out to a professional in my area for ongoing therapy, I think it’s time that I did that. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, and I’m beginning to realize how that I don’t have to look at things as all or nothing.

  20. The demon/voice/urge whatever you call it, visits every day, sometimes up to 10x a day. Been happening so long and so often i thought everyone experienced it. Its a cunning bastard, sometimes coy and endearing, sometime raging and violent, always convincing, always looking for an opportunity to steer me toward it. The daily battles have waged for years but now, now Im tired, now Im losing, i’ve seen it. i cling to the last 2 reasons i have but like i said, Its a cunning bastard.

    1. HI, “Not Henry”. Such a battle you have fought. The story of your pain is so beautifully stated. So well said, I actually feel it.

      I want you to look up Frank King. He is a friend of mine who also suffers from almost constant suicidal thoughts. But he found a way to make it background noise. I have no idea how. He and several others have just written a series of workbooks for men who live with mental health issues as he does. It just came out. He says that every single day, suicide is on the menu. He has several TEDx talks, too.

      You are welcome to keep talking here, too. I’ll listen and respond. It is wearing you down. How could it not? Thank you for the courage to post what you did.

  21. I daily plot for killing myself.but had a hope for living.Dr.refered me for rehabilitation but I am not capable to afford rehab..can u help

    1. Nida. I am so sorry you are struggling with this. And I commend you for seeking ways to keep yourself alive.

      So let’s start with you telling me more about your pain and your plot to kill yourself.

      Also let me know where you live. Not your exact address. Just the general area. I am honored you trust me with your darkness.

      1. Thanks, for your concern are following me on Twitter.yesterday we have a Twitter conversation also .I have appreciated u for being a such lovely lady and mom u thanked me their..but I was hassitating to share my issues there.Actually I am a bipolar sufferer and on medications since last medicine are making resistant towards my body..and because of my childhood age I have not been morally supported by my family.its a long story .At present I can’t survive because the reason is the financial help provided from my family is insulting me ,because want me to get treatment but don’t want listen my past and did not want be in touch with me.they says if we did wrong so we are supporting you now with money..I rely felt a lady like you who is privileged to be own by their children ,because I also lost my brother like I only miss him so badly.but see again I the next member of a family want same from family ,again I became like him .Because he was not also understood by family what he wants,and me too .so if they cannot take stand for me till now ,so I feel to take insulting to take their lovable money..They love their status,money ,society,..though it’s killing someone who is no one but a children a ‘daughter’.so getting suffocated in this husband is not enough to take burden of my expenses so I m getting totally messed with my life..I am from India..otherwise I would rely came to meet to you their anyhow ..the days I never forget of my my brother illness, he use to be very close to me and comes crying on my lap and sometimes hug me rely kills that I couldn’t saved him ,so this gives me strength that not to kill myself,family says why u fight with people for him or for yourself .forget all those incident but he was my elder brother and my family too,and I can’t forget his pain till death..whatever did with him is doing with me infact my case is worse than him.sometimes I link up the things like similarities between both my brother and me.So that time I realise we were both alike that is why we were bonded with other till now also.He always comes in my dream only .so family says why don’t you get out all of this but rely hate those people who did wrong with him and made him a mystery.Well he went from this nasty world but I with my pain keep on fighting to survive but now it’s overwhelming me ,and I can’t bear the pain trying to escape all these judgements and conflicts . I want to go into rehab but financialy but my husband couldn’t bear.its too expensive. When I read your story it rely felt that you are a person who is as determined as like me that wrote a book ” for your son in regret of losing him.please give me your mailing I’ could share some more things with you for bieng a lovely mom..because in this world no body lives for anybody and no body take stand for anybody especially when it’s tough .they finaly “they live in present and leave the past”..I started to raise voice against my family so no body is knowing this in my family but husband supports me a lot and “father helps me with financial help but I want be independent but due to my bipolar I drop out the the the things…it’s long conversation ,I would hope that you will understand that I m in severe pain..

        1. Wow Nida. Thank you for telling me your story. I do remember your name so I appreciate your letting me know where I’ve seen it. Reach out on the contact form. And that will go to my email. And today, your job is not to fix everything but to keep yourself alive. I hope writing all that out helped. I am sorry about your brother.

  22. I keep thinking about killing myself. I want to tell someone. I told my husband but he is burying his head in the sand. I don’t know who I can tell. Everyone I think of I don’t think they would listen. The one person I texted I needed to talk earlier today still hasn’t replied. I feel so alone.

    1. Oh Kerrie that is so frustrating it makes me ache. And makes me mad. Here you are doing exactly as I would want but people are failing to reply appropriately. I am so sorry. So here is what I suggest. If you send me what your city and state are, I can help you find a local number to call. Or you can google the name of your county and state for the local crisis line. So for example, if you live in chesterfield county virginia, you would look up chesterfield county crisis line. But I can help if you send city and state or county and state. The local numbers are typically responsive. The other thought is to text that friend again. Often all of us miss text messages and it’s not personal when it’s missed. It’s just an oversight.

  23. I know how IT feels like i fight it every day you don’t want to get up every day you have to fight every day TO make it through the day i don’t have anyone to talk to about how i feel i just wish there was books on how to make it through the day for free

    1. Hi Ray. You can talk here. And you can reach out to me at this form. I’ll answer with my email. (I can’t type it here because I get spammed.)

      And there is a book. It’s on amazon and free on a library site. “How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person’s Guide to Suicide Prevention”

      Here are the links to that book I mentioned above from two places. This one is recommended by counselors and those with lived experience like yourself.


      Free on this site.

      Thank you for wanting to figure out how to help us help you save your own life. I’m honored you reached out and commented. Many people will google this and see your response and will feel less isolated and also need this resource. So you are not only on the path to saving yourself. You will save others, too. And that’s a pretty wonderful thing.
      Anne Moss Rogers, Owner of Emotionally Naked and mom of a son who died by suicide

      1. Hi,were do I start or begin, if been suffering for years comes in waves and I have no control.i have been to drs n I got medication also a dr n nurse from mental health hospital came out to my house,but I feel a failure, hate myself feel I’m in the way I dont want to be here.its sad for family but I have spoken to them n they watch me as much as possible. I cry daily n I’m weak n tired now.i have great family n job n house n car.but it seems it’s no enough. If I won the lottery it no make any difference to me at all.iv lost 2 stone in weight n I’m very seldom hungry. I could go on and on.but I feel I’m going dw the dark hole.i feel I’m a mouse running around the wheel.the feeling in my stomach is horrendous and my head is go and my councillor said my head is like a person in a car crash it’s all over the place. Sorry but that’s a small part of how I’m feeling daily.

        1. Gary. You are really suffering. For such a long time. You have described your pain so well and I appreciate that because it helps me to understand the level of your agony. It’s not fair because you have made efforts. First thank you for your trust. Second is thank you for your effort in making the effort to stay alive.

          I am sharing this article with you. I can’t fix this but I can listen and share what others have written. I am here and I am willing to listen. And I am amazed at how you are still trying and not giving up although your brain is trying to make that happen.

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