Sometimes, I want to go back to a simpler time

When I see photos of younger Charles before our struggles began, I have the urge to go back to a day when he was just a happy, joyous child. There is something so attractive about those days of innocence before his issues took him and our family hostage.

I remember when he showed up in our room at 7:15am in the morning. It was a Sunday and Charles was not yet in a toddler bed and I wondered how he got out of the crib. Richard had somehow helped his brother out and we’d never find out exactly how it happened. After that, he got a big boy bed.

Then there was the morning shortly after he got that bed, we couldn’t find him and we searched the house in a panic only to find him in the garage in his car seat sucking on his pacifier jumping around on the back seat with it in his mouth. He was unaware that he could have it any place other than his car seat and I’m so sorry now I didn’t just let him have it any time he wanted it. Because my child needed something to help him self soothe.

But the hug where he scissored his hands across my back and patted me while he held me was a habit he took into his teenage years. I miss that hug. It was a signature hug. I hope you give someone a hug today with that memory in mind.

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked mental health speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind and co-author with Kim O'Brien PhD, LICSW of Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my younger son, Charles to addiction and suicide on June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational mental health keynotes, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, anxiety, coping strategies/resilience, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Mental Health Speakers Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

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