Maybe you’ve lost a child, brother, spouse. Maybe you’re going through a divorce, break up or lost your job. Perhaps you’re going through a health crisis or the darkness of a depression.
If you tell yourself it will never get better, it won’t.
For example, if you tell your friends things will never get better and then years later you feel it has not and you tell them, “See, it’s never gotten better,” it’s a self fulfilling prophecy.
Put simply, if you think that way, it won’t get better.
You are the boss of your brain. And if your self talk gets stuck on repeating negative thoughts, it’s up to you to drop kick it out of that mode. Anyone has the ability to do that at some level. No one can do it for you. Connection with others can help get you out of your head.
Here’s the thing. If we’re in negative mode, we notice all the negative things in our life which perpetuates the “oh woes me” mode. It blinds us to anything positive in the world or anything positive we’ve accomplished.
So if we are stuck in traffic, we think, “Of course I’m stuck in traffic. I’m so unlucky.” Instead of, “Thank goodness I’m not the one who got in that terrible wreck that slowed traffic.”
Did you notice the beautiful blue sky or the amazing sunset the night before? Did you sleep in a bed the night before with a roof over your head? Have you patted yourself on the back for the hundreds of accomplishments you’ve made or do you hyper focus on your one mistake?
You and I have a lot to be grateful for. It’s important to focus on that. And there is always something to be grateful for. There are times when those good things are hard to see because you’ve got a road block.
I have been attacked at knifepoint, survived a brain tumor, lost a son to suicide but if I kept focusing on only those negative points in my life, and not what I had to be grateful for or what I have accomplished, I’d forever be buried in a deep dark latrine.
There are people who will say negative things about me. I’m not going to be one of them. When that nagging negative recording starts in my head, I throw logic at it.
“She’s not answering my call. I wonder if I said anything wrong? Maybe she thinks I’m not good enough?” My alter ego comes right back with, “Really? So you think this person that you barely know thinks about me more three seconds? Whatever I sent, she missed because she is on a business trip, is taking care of her mother, or just found out she has a chronic illness.”
The fact I’m not getting an answer to my email has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the fact that this person is probably seriously busy. So I need to acknowledge that my previous communication probably arrived at an inopportune time and follow up.
We personalize so many instances that are not personal at all. We let it marinate and minds go into overdrive dramatizing and projecting scenarios to the point it’s a full blown soap opera reality show. It’s like a sport that we need to quit playing. Those replays are what kill our joy.
No matter how bad things get, just decide to believe it will get better. What do you have to lose?
It’s far better deciding it won’t which in the history of humans has never helped a living soul.