My relationship with Charles after his death has continued and evolved. The idea that I’d have a relationship with someone who is dead makes me sound like I’m in need of a good therapist or that I am unable to accept his death.
Grief is something that lives along side me now. Talking to the air, consulting my beloved dead for advice, or laughing about something I know he’d find funny is part of that new relationship, if you could call it that. As my grief has changed and softened, so has the relationship.
I have not read tarot cards, consulted an 8 ball, or used an ouija board to communicate with my beloved dead but even if I did and it helped me cope, there would no grief shame. As long as these rituals didn’t take over my life, there would be no harm in them.
I don’t have a child I can hug or hold or watch graduate or get married. But there I times I feel his presence even if that merely exists in my own heart and head.
Oh Anne,
I’m so there. I can’t do otherwise. My heart still doesn’t want to accept. I put something on FB recently that describes the profound loss and isolation felt. This “relationship” is something others can’t understand till being there. I carry something of Jill’s with me everywhere I travel; I write her name in the sand. It kills me to not buy her presents. I always bought all 3 something from every vacation without them no matter what age. Now I look for things to hang in her tree.
I look at the night sky and talk out loud.
I ask can you see me…sometimes. It sounds crazy…I know I’m not, but it’s so painful.
I’m glad I can write this somewhere besides my own journal knowing you and “the tribe” will understand!
I do understand. Thank you for making me feel normal.
Absolutely. It’s necessary for my own survival and sanity. I think most bereaved parents would agree. I sure liked our old relationship better though.
Yeah me, too Stacy.