I just want to end the pain

Your brain is telling you need to die. The pain is so unbearable, you start to think that is the only solution. You think there is no other way out and the world would be better if you weren’t in it.

You just want that pain to stop. Your brain convinces you the only way is to kill yourself. All other options are blocked. Your focus narrows and it’s ALL you can think about.

You don’t really want to die. But at the same time you do want to die.

The pain will stop without you dying. It usually takes around 15-20 minutes although it varies. But like all feelings, it is temporary.

Life wins with most people, most of the time. You may even feel you are in trouble and want to tell someone. You wish someone would just listen.

But it’s so much harder to do. Will someone think you’re weak? Will someone just tell you are trying to “get attention.” Maybe you fear that your confession means you’ll lose a spouse or a job, a girlfriend or boyfriend or a parent’s love.

It’s really hard to tell someone else how dark it is in your head. Who would believe it?

You just want someone to give you a hug. Or to listen to you.

I will listen. Others here will listen. They will listen on these hotlines. This feeling can be treated. But right now you just need some help saving your own life.

USA 1-800-273-8255
USA Crisis Text 741-741
US Crisis line for LGBTQ Youth 1-866-488-7386
US Crisis Text for LGBTQ Youth 678-678
Canada 1-833-456-4566
United Kingdom 116 123
Australia 13 11 14
International suicide hotlines

I lost my youngest son, Charles, to suicide. You can read about Charles here. I don’t want you to die because you still have sunsets to see, lives to touch, and places to go.

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my youngest son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

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