This is one of lines in Charles’ lyrics.
And on the occasion of his fourth death anniversary, I wanted to start with that. He died by suicide June 5, 2015, the worst day of my life. By comparison even a death anniversary will never feel as awful and unbearable as that day. And for that, I am grateful.
There are times I feel like giving up. Not on life but this cause. And then I ask myself, “So what else do you want to do?” There really isn’t anything else I want to do. By next year I need to be making a living at this professional writing and speaking business. That doesn’t happen by waving a magic wand but with relentless hard work creating contacts and reaching out to women’s conferences and colleges.
Charles is my incentive. If we don’t talk, people won’t know the signs. If we don’t foster a culture of connection, addiction, mental illness, overdoses, and suicide will continue to be on the rise.
So while I feel like a deflated balloon this week, my mojo will return. And my son who died is my incentive.
Thank you for creating this blog.
I have found your blog today because during my drive home from work, I found myself thinking once again about a fond memory of my childhood: my best friend and myself, holding our bellies sore from laughter. We were watching a video created by Timeboy1408. The video title was “I kissed a squirrel”
We went through all the videos and watched all of them. And then we would rewatch them at future sleep overs again and again. The videos Charles created are included in some of my happiest memories. I also came across his music while I was still in high school and I loved his raps.
I guess I just wanted you to know that your son had an impact on my life. I was thinking about his videos again after a rather emotionally straining day of work (I work in healthcare) and it’s almost as if those memories came back to me to make me feel a bit better. I first discovered him in elementary school, and I turn 21 this November.
Again, thank you for this blog. Like many others, I’ve had my own struggles with depression, and I’m a bit ashamed to admit that I have contemplated suicide in the past. What you have written is so eye opening. It has given me another reminder that my mother loves, worries about, and cares so deeply for me. I don’t ever want her to have to go through this. Thank you for making your story public and taking the time to reach out to others.
My favorite song of his is “Homesick” and my favorite YouTube video is “WTF zombies”
May Charles and his sweet soul rest peacefully.
Remi I am in tears I am so happy to get this story. Charles’ personally took up so much space and he was fun to be around because he was so creative. I wrote in my new book about the years when they made those videos. How our house was a stage. That particular video “you kissed a squirrel” reached a lot of people and spawned copycat videos. Thank you for sharing your story and those memories. It means so much. I would love for you to write a post. It’s pretty much written here. Thank you again. And in case you want to submit a post as a story. https://annemoss.com/contact-2/submit-a-story/
Please keep this up Anne, Your work is so necessary in this world! I know you’ve made a difference already! I’m so sorry that you have moments like this. Hang in there! Glad you shared so that we can encourage you!
Thank you Beth. Your support means a lot.
Hope whispers. Who else says this but someone who is tapped into a very deep river?? You are a conduit for something more powerful than we can ever understand. Thank you for keeping on in Charle’s honor. Sending you strength and buckets of love, today and always, Anne.
Thank you Elaine
I am inspired by your determination to make this world a better place, with more resources for those who suffer with suicidal thoughts- resources that Charles didn’t have. Love you much! Martha
Will call this weekend my friend. What a week. Absolutely shocking.
I see a picture of Charles and I recognize him -“ That’s Charles, Anne’s son,” I think, like you are part of my inner circle. We’ve been on the same path with a few other sudden-“friends”, people who instantly understand the deep stuff like hurting hearts from loss of a child. Get through today and you’ll find it in you to continue on. You are making a difference.! Anniversaries are so hard. 🙏 🤗
I got through it. It was not this hard last year but then I didn’t have all the same circumstances. Book out soon so that really has me pushing forward. Thank you my fellow angel mom.
Thank you for this blog. Last year I wrote you and wanted to die. My life seemed unbearable and I had held on to suicide for 20 plus years. I was living in a hotel with my son. I’m gay and had struggled with my sexuality for decades. But hope. Hope came in the form of medication. Slowly but steadily I am getting better. A new view on my life. I came to your site because I wanted to hang myself but I read about you and your son. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for doing this. It saved my life and though things aren’t great…they are no longer unbearable. Thank you thank you thank you. I feel much better now.
You have no idea how welcome that comment is on a day like today. I remember your story and was touched by it. I wondered what happened to you and your boy but I am lifted by the fact that you found me, my tribe, Charles, and that you have fought for stability and your situation is not as dire. There are many nonprofits that help with specific aspects of getting back on your feet. You deserve that help so I hope you find it.
You have done so much hard work and fought back to recapture your life and your son’s life. Thank you for coming back here and letting me know how you are and most importantly, that you are alive.
Thinking of your brave self today Anne Moss.
Thinking of the boy I never knew and will never forget.
Love to you and your family on the worst day of your year – or at least one of them.
Year five is better. Year five brings more determination and a new normal that is somewhat bearable.
Love ya
#tribeofafter
Thank you Gray.
So proud of you for pushing on. Thinking of you especially today.
Leigh you have been here from the beginning. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.
Thinking hard about this….
Hard not to be overcome by the emotions that this brings.
I pray for you and your family Anne.
I thank you for pushing on to honor Charles and to help others so profoundly.
Everything you have done since that horrible day has shown your love and dedication and exemplified your character and that of your son.
Wishing you peace and strength on this day. Much love, Jayne
That’s what I am going for. Thanks for seeing it.