Note from Anne Moss: You all know I have posts out there for the express purpose of showing up on Google. That means I write them so when people go to search and type in certain phrases, posts from here show up near the top on page one and thanks to your sharing, they do. This one from Hali on this post who gave me permission to post this.
You’re a very kind person, Anne. It’s very sweet of you to take the time to try and keep people from making the mistake and ending their lives. But I would like to share my current feelings as well.
I’m a 15 year old girl and I’ve been dealing with anxiety and low self esteem for a while now. It’s only getting worse and I’m pretty sure I have depression. I’ve been so stressed in school, not just with work but also because of low self esteem and my anxiety.
I’m always tired, not just physically tired but also mentally tired. I literally hate myself in every way. I feel so ugly and disgusting, I can’t even look in the mirror because it makes me sick. I make myself want to throw up.
Thankfully, I have a lot of friends who always tell me that they think I’m beautiful, but I don’t believe them at all. I feel like I’m annoying and not worth anything. I feel like I cause so much stress in my family and things would be better if I just didn’t exist. But at the same time, I fear death.
So I’m not sure if I’m really suicidal, but today I did write a suicide note. I wasn’t actually going to kill myself, I just wanted to see what I would say if I were to make a suicide letter. Let’s just say it broke my heart reading my own letter.
I’ve been raised in a broken family, but I love all of my sisters and they’re always there for me. I honestly continue to live for others, but not for my own being.
But it seems I have gotten more sad and I always feel alone because I never get to see my sisters since they have all moved out, including the sister I’m closest too. I now live with my dad and my two younger siblings and it’s honestly chaos.
My dad isn’t the best father and he makes it hard to live with. I just sit in my room and cry most of the time, wondering if life is even worth it. I’m sorry I feel this way but I really needed to get it off my chest.
Thank you so much Anne for what you’re doing, and if you’re someone who’s planning on killing themselves, please don’t. I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but you’re not alone. All of us are going through things and if you can’t find a purpose, maybe our purpose is to help each other through this world.
Thank you for taking the time to read this (: