Living with unanswered questions

Charles left a lot of writing. He left a computer. He left a phone.

The writing was very revealing. Enough so, I wrote a book to include it.

The computer did not have much. But I was able to get into his facebook account and that answered some questions.

We never got into the phone. I held it in my hand after his death and that thin screen between me and my son’s last pictures and texts might has well have been a twelve inch steel door.

Every time I punched in a code I thought might be the one, it would say, “try again in a day.” With each failed attempt, it would push those days out more until it said, I could try again in six months and then a year.

I wanted to know more so I investigated. I called people. Sometimes they called me.

To this day, there are people who do know more and won’t talk to me.

I don’t take that personally.

I had to come to terms with that and settle for the information that we did have and understand there would be blanks that would never be filled in. I know more than most and less than others.

I might get more information one day. Maybe what was contained in that phone was not something I wanted to see. Maybe there is a notebook out there of his I’ve not seen before. Who knows?

Suicide leaves behind so many unanswered questions.

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked mental health speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind and co-author with Kim O'Brien PhD, LICSW of Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my younger son, Charles to addiction and suicide on June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational mental health keynotes, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, anxiety, coping strategies/resilience, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Mental Health Speakers Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

4 thoughts on “Living with unanswered questions”

  1. Stupid phone passwords. I truly wish there was a way. Just a few more clues, a little more information. I know it couldn’t answer every question, but I’d take any miniscule morsel more. I’m so sorry to hear there are people who won’t answer your questions. Hugs to you Anne Moss.

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