Bad news. Good news

Trigger warning: Strong emotional content and suicide method mentioned.

Many of you know I have written articles here for the express purpose of showing up at the top of the Google when people are looking for ways to die. I often have asked you to share them to help them reach that destination and you have done that. There are about eight articles that are ranked on page one for this purpose including one video on YouTube. 

Last week, someone reached out to me who was struggling via the contact form. Her name was Kate and she found this article when googling this way to die on Google. We emailed back and forth for about six days and I asked my emotionally naked tribe to show their support. Everybody did show their support and Kate was working through answering your replies. 

I had not heard from her since Saturday night so I reached out Sunday morning and heard nothing. A sick feeling hit and later that day her partner graciously sent me an email that she had died. I won’t go into a lot of detail but like a lot of us who’ve lost someone to suicide, her partner had no idea. She donned a facade that everything was OK yet she was crumbling inside and didn’t want to reach out for help. We tried. All of you did and it made me cry. So Kate died by suicide. For days, she didn’t follow through with her plans. Then I felt it slipping and she drifted away and she wouldn’t give up her contact info or her loved one’s names.

When I started this, I had to know that there were stories for which I’d never find out the ending. And that some day, there would be someone I, or we, could not save no matter what we did. This is that day. All we can do is the best we can do. 

That same week, I got a message from a young man about this post.

You guys might not remember it now but you helped the article show up at the top of google when teens are looking for a way to tell a parent they want to die. That’s how the sharing works. If it gets enough shares and google deems it worthy, it will achieve first page rank for phrases like, “how do I tell my parents I want to kill myself.” Some of the titles I ask you to share are difficult –cringe worthy. They make me uncomfortable so I know they do you, too. Here’s how this one turned out. 

So this 13 year old the brilliant idea of asking his teacher to tell his parents because he found it difficult. I asked him to share the article with his teacher so she’d know what to say and how to say it. It’s important to be direct and not vague. And he did which I’m so thankful for. 

So some difficult news and then a bright spot, all in the same group of days. I won’t lie to you, this is tough news. The good news has helped. Thank you for your help. 

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind and co-author with Kim O'Brien PhD, LICSW of Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my younger son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide on June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, coping strategies/resilience, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

11 thoughts on “Bad news. Good news”

  1. My heart breaks for Kate and the loved ones she left behind. I hate how many young people are struggling and feel there is no hope for a brighter future. Thank God for your tireless efforts to help them find ways to talk about their struggles.

  2. So sorry for the loss of Kate, but so encouraged by Sam’s story. Thank you for all that you are doing in honor of your precious Charles.

  3. Thank you so much for all that you’re doing. You’re one voice but a very powerful one and I’ll share as much as possible!

  4. Very sorry to hear about the passing of Kate. Thank you Anne. Please continue your mission. Everyone needs to hear your words. 🙏🏼

  5. I am so very sorry for the tragic loss of Kate. It is heartbreaking that she would not give up her contact info or names of those who could intervene and get help.

    I am so thankful that the 13 year old boy was able to get help. Most of those who are suicidal do not wish to die, they just can’t think of any other way to end their pain.

    Hugs to you Anne, for who you are and for all that you do to make a difference!

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