The first Christmas after Charles died by suicide, I expected it to be hard. All those firsts are hard–first birthday, mother’s day, father’s day etc. Hell, Arbor Day was hard.
For the second Christmas after Charles’ suicide, I was sure the holidays would be better. After all, the first one happened and I survived. How bad could this second one be?
December 1, 2017, two and a half years after my son’s suicide, slapped me hard and shut me down. My head was a mixing bowl with too many ingredients and it was hard to complete anything with more than two steps. It was unexpected and I was unprepared so for it. I know how to try to do things ahead of time, have few expectations, and ask my friends for help when needed.
For those of you who have other children and you feel you have to bring the holiday celebration home despite your grief, please do ask for help. Don’t do this alone. That’s what your friends and family are for.
I am an emotionally naked mental health speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind and co-author with Kim O'Brien PhD, LICSW of Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my younger son, Charles to addiction and suicide on June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational mental health keynotes, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, anxiety, coping strategies/resilience, and grief.
As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory.
Mental Health Speakers Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.
View all posts by Anne Moss Rogers
6 thoughts on “Setting expectations for the holidays after the death of a child”
I hope this year is better for you Anne. I’m glad your family is coming.
I’m really scared about the Holidays too. Normally Black Friday is my favorite day of the year! The shops, the people, the amazing sales. This year? No interest yet. it does take time.
It does Stephanie. And I will. I’ve ignored everything editing my book, preparing for TEDx and chasing after one medical crisis after another following that damn radiation.
We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.
This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
Cookie
Duration
Description
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics
11 months
This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional
11 months
The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary
11 months
This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others
11 months
This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance
11 months
This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy
11 months
The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
I hope this year is better for you Anne. I’m glad your family is coming.
I’m really scared about the Holidays too. Normally Black Friday is my favorite day of the year! The shops, the people, the amazing sales. This year? No interest yet. it does take time.
Hugs Anne,
Call me if you want to!
It does Stephanie. And I will. I’ve ignored everything editing my book, preparing for TEDx and chasing after one medical crisis after another following that damn radiation.
Hugs…
Thank you.
A-M – I hope your third December is easier than the last two. I have no doubt that it will be. They always stink, but the first few are just misery.
Thanks Gray. I hope so too. Richard and in-laws are coming.