Charles’ suicide felt intensely personal.
At first, I was sure it was because I sucked as a mom. Or that he was choosing to leave us.
I didn’t love him enough.
He didn’t love me enough.
I missed the signs.
I didn’t say the right thing.
I did nothing right.
His suicide was a crushing blow I took personally.
The truth is he didn’t do this to me.
He didn’t do this because of me.
He did it to himself.
Which was beyond my control.
It’s so painful to know how he suffered and I had no idea.
I am one of the casualties left behind to pick up the pieces and figure out how to navigate life without him in it.
I wish I didn’t have to but I’m figuring it out. It will always hurt.
So please, if you struggle with thoughts of suicide and you are having a difficult time telling someone you love, please tell someone. Suicidal thought are treatable.
Posts to help you find the courage to tell someone. These posts say teens but it can work for adults, too
- To teens and young adults who are thinking about suicide
- For the Teen Contemplating Suicide and Looking for the Strength to Reach Out – The Mighty
- So you are Contemplating Suicide
- “Reading an article from a mother who has felt such devastating pain, you helped change my perception on life. Your article gave me the strength to share with my own mother/father what I’ve been meaning to say to them for four years….” read more