Last week was a weepy week

The exercise of writing this book came with some realities. And they were painful. One of those realizations is that I feel awful that I know Charles better now than I did when he was alive.  I thought I knew my child.

Conversely, I’m glad I have something that helped me understand who he was and how he struggled.

I had to decide which songs to leave in and which ones to take out. I was even tempted to edit one or two of them. They showed a side of him I wasn’t sure I wanted you to see. And sometimes a side of me I didn’t want you to see either.

I didn’t edit them or take out things. Because my imperfections are part of the story you need to see. As are Charles’ flaws.

I felt naked. As I’ve felt so many times in this process. But for me, allowing you to see inside my heart is my unorthodox way of healing and helping you understand your own process of dealing with adversity, tragedy or loss.

I understand what a gift it is to have the time to write this book and spend this time with my youngest child who is no longer here. Grief finally feels like a connection to the one I lost, and not this awful thing I want to squirm out from under. Because at first, that’s what it was–something I wanted to escape.

I have to say, the song lyrics I chose to end the book with are perfect. They offer such a ray of hope. It’s like he wrote it just for this book.

I found a lot of grief along the way, shed a lot of tears. But in the end, I found a lot of peace.

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind and co-author with Kim O'Brien PhD, LICSW of Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my younger son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide on June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, coping strategies/resilience, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

6 thoughts on “Last week was a weepy week”

  1. I hadn’t seen this post yet.
    I love it. Showing your “nakedness” is so powerful and a sign of your strength.
    I’m getting to the point I feel I can read your book. I know I’ll shed many tears.
    I haven’t found any surprises to tell me things of Jilly I didn’t know. But a few reinforcements of both her pain and kindness. Some have shared their videos of moments shared with her I treasure. I see her silliness and her strong bond with people she would form so easily.
    Thank you Anne Moss for being your true self and sharing Charles.

    1. I think you and I are used to tears at this point and we are not afraid of them.
      I’m so happy people are sharing those stories with you. They mean everything.
      Thank you so much for speaking from your heart, Jayne and being a truly emotionally naked part of this tribe.

    1. I am living it. And when I doubt myself, I remember that title and that logo. And what Charles stood for. It’s hard to make people uncomfortable all the time. But necessary for change. Thank you for commenting

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