grief rash on mother's day

Happy f–ing mother’s day

I got my mother’s day hives last week. With the help of Benadryl, it’s cleared up. Weird I get all these rashes during grieving season. And then they go away after the June fifth death anniversary. Poof! They vanish.

That first year, Mother’s Day hit me like a ton of bricks. That title expresses exactly how I felt. I felt bitter and resentment and I was pissed at the world. “Go on, go celebrate all your living children,” I wanted to scream.

I wanted to be mad at someone but there was no one to be angry with. I wanted to make a bonfire out of all the mother’s day cards for sale at every drug store. I wanted to go deflate all the mother’s day balloons. (I only did one and I bought it first.)

The facilitator of my grief group had told us to plan things on days that would be hard–birthday and death anniversary, for example. I totally forgot about  Mother’s Day.

I got caught off guard that first year.

The next year was no piece of cake either. I dreaded it. I couldn’t even manage a card in the mail to my own mom.

I think this year I might be OK

It’s my third since Charles’ suicide.

I have come to realize I am still a mother even if one of my children is missing. I’m not jumping for joy or anything, but maybe I’ve gotten to a place where I can tolerate it. Even if I did get the itchy, hot hives a few days ago.

So no offense with the title.

But just know there are a lot of people out there that feel that way today. It might be their first Mother’s Day since losing a child. It might be someone’s first Mother’s Day since losing their mom. And then still others who’ve struggled to conceive and that day is simply a glaring reminder they can’t produce what seems so natural and easy for others.

Cherish the memories you have. Maybe it’s just a holiday to remind us to do that.

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked mental health speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind and co-author with Kim O'Brien PhD, LICSW of Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my younger son, Charles to addiction and suicide on June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational mental health keynotes, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, anxiety, coping strategies/resilience, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Mental Health Speakers Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

4 thoughts on “Happy f–ing mother’s day”

  1. You are so right—Mother’s Day is hard on so many people but especially those who have lost a child. Sending love…

  2. Back atcha A-M. The day absolutely, positively, without a doubt, 100%, sucks. For me it’s all about my mom (who also lost a child, but still has 2 children and 5 grandchildren). When she is gone, I might just refuse to acknowledge it.

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