Birthday cake heart— #griefheart number 283

I celebrated Charles’ birthday at training today and my friend Gray brought a cake in honor of my child who would have been 23. Gray lost her son, Whitten, to suicide. So sweet of her to bring this cake and I had a group with whom to share it.

Meanwhile, my husband went to go retrieve Charles’ ashes. It’s taken us nearly three years to go get them. I’ve remained undecided about what to do with his ashes. I waffle between wanting to take them with me always and ultimately bury them when I die, to wanting that grave site I can visit. For now, I’ll get something nice to put them in.

What’s odd to me is how heavy the ashes were. I didn’t expect them to be 10-12 pounds. On TV, ashes are always in some small bag or a chock ful of nuts can.

Thanks for your well wishes, your support, comments, and hugs. It helps. It really does.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here. Contact me if you want to honor and remember your loved one who died by suicide or from addiction.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

Charles always knew how to make me laugh when I was low

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my youngest son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

10 thoughts on “Birthday cake heart— #griefheart number 283”

  1. Anne, so glad you had cake and people with to share it on Charles’ birthday. Sending well wishes and admiration for your shared journey. Thank you.

  2. Anne Moss – I hope you had a good day ( as good as possible) and you spent the day helping others. Awesome.
    Amen to all of these comments. It’s very hard for most people to know what to do, I think, if it’s a sudden death. And especially your child, for god’s sake! Whitten came in a plastic bag, and I asked for small samples. Somehow, I knew exactly what to do. It was very early on, so I was still in shock. I would bury him in his box from the service, at Hollywood.
    He had a small box collection, and I sent 6 of his closest friends a tiny bag of him, in one of his boxes. I was determined they would not forget him.
    I would have some at home in a special box I bought. With some of his dog’s ashes in a smaller one. But it all sits in a corner of his room 5 years later – I haven’t been able to do that yet.

    1. I did. As good as I could have had. Days leading up to it are always the hardest. For me anyway. I did get so much support this year. That definitely helped. A hug from Gray helped. Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder.

  3. Ok you will get this. We still have Billys ashes in the plastic box from the crematorium. It’s sitting in Kevin’s office and like you I was shocked at how heavy it is. We joke that the kid really did like butter and bacon! 😳. I have a beautiful little locket that has a tree of life on the front. It holds some of his cremains, (which I also didn’t know is what “ashes” are called.). My Mom, my daughter and Billys girlfriend all have a locket. If you’d like one say the word. Glad you got through the day. So glad Preventure training went well!! 💙

  4. So glad you were able to have a good day. I thought the same thing when I picked up Daniel’s ashes. I had no idea they would be that heavy. Funny the things that strike us.

  5. What a day. I didn’t know you hadn’t gotten his ashes yet. We had to fly to Maui in April, 2016 to identify our son and bring him home. I will never forget the moment the funeral home there handed me a reusable shopping bag with the plastic travel urn already packed in a box for transport. All I could think about was the first time I held him after his birth. The box still sits in his backpack in his closet. We can’t decide what or when to do with his ashes. Watching my husband walk through airports with the pack on his back was surreal.

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