I owe it to Charles and his memory to be my best self

When I suffered a devastating loss, my perspective changed. The first time I laughed, a part of me felt guilty and I had to fight to remind myself that Charles would want me to have fun. And I know he would want me to follow my heart and my passion.

Instead of feeling guilty for my about face, I have decided to see it another way. I owe it to him and his memory to be my best self. And I give him credit for inspiring me to do so.

He once asked me, “Mom, are you pursuing your dream?” To which I pondered and he responded, “If you are taking that long to answer, maybe you aren’t. You should always follow your heart,” said the child with world’s biggest heat.

No one could show and express love and affection like Charles could. I never forgot that conversation. Not that I would have chosen how my life change all came about. But I can’t change that now. All I can do is go where it takes me now.

 

Saturday Charles

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am the mother of two boys and the owner of emotionally naked, a site that reached a quarter million people in its first 18 months. I am a writer and professional public speaker on the topics of suicide, addiction, mental illness, and grief and currently working on getting a book published. I lost my youngest son, Charles, 20, to suicide June 5, 2015. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory.

4 thoughts on “I owe it to Charles and his memory to be my best self”

  1. Oh yes, laughing. I lost my silly and dry sense of humor after Daniel died. He had my same sense of humor. It has been a mixture of guilt and just plain out things aren’t so funny after such a life shattering event. My sense of humor has been coming back over time for sure. I had several gut laughs with laugh tears the other night watching Netflix 1998 Jerry Seinfeld standup show. Those deep laughs are so cleansing.

    1. When you have funny guys like we did, we do have to remember that. I love that you had that full out belly laugh. I had one the other night myself. I thought, “Wow, it’s been a long time since I laughed with my whole body like that.”

  2. You reminded me of the power of love that remains whether your child is on earth, or in Heaven, or whatever your belief. Love never dies- don’t mean to sound so dramatic, but it’s Curt’s essential goodness that makes me want to be my best for others.

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