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And my heart stopped

This is not Charles.

It was taken about a year ago by a friend who I met at this restaurant. I am sitting at a table and I see this kid. The shock of a Charles look-alike made my heart skip a beat. I froze. I knew it would happen eventually. Charles even owned a pair of shorts just like those. Tall, skinny, boyish face, and lose curly hair.

My table-mate was at an angle where she could discretely snap a quick photo. It was all I could do not to run up to him and tell him he looked like Charles. What would I have said? “Oh my gosh, you look just like my dead son.” Imagine how delighted he’d be? And his parents, too.

So I said nothing. It took everything I had not to stare. I felt sort of weird having a friend take a photo. I even felt like I should’t post this.

However, I was in google photos tonight and you can search by person. Google had thought this kid was Charles, too so he was categorized with all the Charles photos. I had almost forgotten about it. I felt that shock all over again.

 

Is my story is too ugly?

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind and co-author with Kim O'Brien PhD, LICSW of Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my younger son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide on June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, coping strategies/resilience, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

7 thoughts on “And my heart stopped”

  1. Your heart soars for that split second, until you realize the reality. Has happened to both my husband and me, in the first few years.

  2. I haven’t had one of those moments yet. Another thing is I have dreamed about Daniel only three times in 2 yrs 5 mths. And those were vague and not explicit. I write them down when it happens. My subconscious must not be able to process it.

    1. My dreams of Charles are less frequent now. But I am wondering if you are bit cannot remember it next day. Some of mine have been him as a young one and others as a teen. I had one where I was him and saw through his eyes. That one I felt deeply. And for about the first year after I got those odd “hugs from heaven”. Never felt anything like it before or since. Wish I would have more of those

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