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I saved her from suicide. Then she died

by Kacy Claassen

Note from Anne Moss: Kacy is 20 years old and from Kansas. She’s also legally blind. She wrote this on a special phone for the blind. Pretty amazing story how she found the site. I hope you will comment and show your support in her grief. 

Lacie Mae was lucky to be alive. Until a few months ago….

This is a poem that she wrote to me about how I saved her life.

Poem by Lacie Mae

You stood there behind me
As I threatened to jump

Although everyone had left
You still chose to stay

And as I stepped
Closer to the edge

You joined me
And took hold
Of my hand

In confusion I asked
“What are you doing?”

And in reply
You said

“My reason for life
Has always been you

And so if you jump
I will, too”

I broke out in tears then
Unable to believe

That someone like you
Could ever love me

I knew then that death
Was not the answer
That it would never be

And that what I really
Always wanted

Was to spend
The rest of my life
With you

You saved my life that day
And I don’t think I’ll ever
Be able to thank you enough.

Unfortunately, my best friend died by suicide two months ago, December 16, 2017. At exactly 6:43 PM.

Her mother doesn’t even care that her daughter is dead.

I am sad to say this but, shortly after she died, I wanted to take my own life. I found this site as I was searching for suicide notes on the internet. One came up and I clicked on it and I landed here. But then I remembered I had tried five times previous and did not complete them.

I thank God everyday I didn’t die.

The pain and grief I feel hurts so bad. But I am strong and all I have to rely on is my faith in God and her memory. I still blame myself for not seeing this coming sooner. I blame myself for not being there to help her. She was my bestie.

As for the picture–we got this tattoo together to remind us that every breath is a gift. And it really is. Every breath that I take and EVERY breath that you take is a gift.

The day I rescued my human from herself

23 thoughts on “I saved her from suicide. Then she died”

  1. Dont ever, never, ever give up…life is so precious,and such a gift and u must believe you are a gift..perfect strangers have reached out to you..believe in you, trust in yourself and please ask for help in dealing with all of this..you dont have to go down that rabbit hole..tomorrow is alwsys just around the bend!..Big Mommy Hug to you!

    1. I have been evaluated for depression. They cannot give any medications for it because it will counteract the other medications that I take for my chronic illnesses. I was on depression medications and it made not want to eat. I didnt want to eat at that point anyway. I was anorexic. Im on the road to recovery. I have been eating and gaining weight slowly. There no support groups where I live. My parents wont even let me get a job. They wont even let me move out on my own. When they found out that I was anorexic they admitted to a psych hospital in Wisconsin. I stayed there for 3 years. I am going to be totally honest with you. My parents do not care about me. I promise you they don’t.
      My parents are going to kick me out and that means that im going to be homeless.
      I just wish I lived in a place with love.
      I don’t want to be homeless and pregnant. I want (or rather wish) that there is someone or some family or person who would love me and care for me and help me.

  2. So happy you are still here with us fighting!! You will be able to help people because this experience is your reality! I love you! I’m glad you are here!!💕💕💕

  3. Kacy,
    Please continue to write and share, you are brave and strong and your message will help others. Thank you for sharing. Love to you.❤️

  4. What a beautiful soul you have, Kacy. Thank you for sharing your most intimate heart-life with us. I’m excited to see how your transparency becomes a beacon of light for others. Sending love…

  5. Hi, Kacy – I’m very sorry about your friend. How badly that must hurt. I’m very glad you are still here and that God led you to Anne Moss’s blog. You are not alone and many of us care about you, even if we haven’t met you in person. I love your motto of every breath is a gift. It truly is. Please let us know how you are doing. You already know that God cares, and we do, too.

  6. Kacy,
    My heart hurts for you. I am so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. One breath at a time you will move through the pain. Your insight is a special gift you can use to help others. Keep reaching out.
    Big Hugs to you!

  7. Kacy
    My heart hurts for you I’m so many ways.
    When people attempt suicide and no success there is a reason and purpose. God has a huge plan for you to be here and that is exactly why you landed on Anne’s page verses notes, he directed you here so that we all could read your story and let you know you belong here with all the many people who love you and care for you.
    A little of my story in short, my 17 year old son shot himself with a shotgun in the face 14 months ago to the day, he survived and is doing everything the doctors say he wouldn’t . He has lost complete sight of his one remaining eye and is disfigured. We will never know the truth about that night whether he intended to or if it was an accident due to the position of the injury it can go either way. He had been having teen issues but was always strong against suicide but again we don’t know what he was really thinking that night. This whole thing has completely changed both of our lives and I’m so thankful to god he survived. Always remember god has a plan for you no matter how hard or bad things seem he is there and will carry you through it.
    I will pray for you and always remember and feel gods strength through you.
    Robin

    1. I am going to be praying for you and your family. Especially your boy. Just have faith and remember that EVERY breath is a gift.

  8. Dear Kacy, What a precious young lady you are and a friend beyond measure to Lacie Mae. You are her legacy! Speak out, write, live like you’re living for the two of you. Sending love and best wishes.

  9. Stick with us baby girl! You are strong and brave. Keep talking about it. Keep writing about it. I am grateful that you are alive.

    1. I know. I mean her death was so sudden. I honestly thought that she was okay after she wrote this poem about how I saved her life. I mean I did but then she died. I have absolutely no idea why she did what she did. But she did. And I am going to miss her everyday, with every fiber of my being. Instead of death I am now going to choose to live her legacy. I will keep living for her.

  10. Sweet girl, stick with us, life is so much bigger than we can comprehend, when things are rough, unfair and nothing but pain life hurts. A lot. Remember that there is no light without darkness, no up without down, if you can embrace the darkness, truly embrace it it will loosen the grip on you. For when things are good and you embrace them for just that, you will realize you can’t hold on to them either. Both are a gift to you, a gift to embrace life as a whole. We don’t know our purpose ultimately. We can only give ourselves freely to the current of aliveness. You are strong and beautiful, I know it. Look to the light, be the light and light will come through you. Much love! ❤️

  11. Kacy,

    You are so very brave. And you matter so much. You may not realize this yet, but the people you have touched in writing this post is going to blow your mind. You. Matter. Please continue to write, to reach out, to connect. I am so very sorry for the loss of your bestie. The tattoo is beautiful. Big love to you 💙💙💙

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