That’s what I get for putting ‘naked’ in the site name

Let’s face it, the keywords I do see that lead to this website are not usually “happy.” The site is about addiction, depression, grief and my son, Charles’ suicide.

But guess what? We deserve a break. Yes we do. Because every once in a while there are some funny search phrases. Charles would think this was hilarious, so that gives us permission. In fact, I think he’s joking me now with this list.

Here are some of the google keywords I can see that have led to this website.

1. anne moss naked

When you are middle aged, this is better than getting carded. My first impression was pure joy. Someone wants to see me naked which is super exciting! But on further reflection, I realized no one was really looking up to see if there was a naked picture of me.

I think the searcher was just lazy. Emotionally is a long word and typing is such labor! So they just did “anne moss naked.” The good news is that is they found the site and it was the first result. The bad news is that I don’t have the movie star body I’ve stuck my face on.

2. Pizza village moss

Apparently, I own a pizza joint. I can’t eat pizza because of a yeast allergy but I can feed it to all of you and make loads of money! Not only do I own a joint, I own an entire village. This is very exciting and I will continue to search to find the bank account attached to my pizza empire.

3. Ugly naked people

I am perplexed even why someone would specifically look for unattractive naked people. I am actually super insulted someone looking up would land here when they did.

4. I hate high and mighty mothers

Not sure why someone would be looking this up. To make sure they were not alone in this declaration? Looking for a club to join where the mission was hating high and mighty mothers? I know it refers to this post.

5. the top most backdated village where people are naked

Say what? I wonder if they found National Geographic. I can’t even fathom in what context anyone would ever want to know this information.

6. naked speaker

I am a public speaker but I do tend to keep my clothing on. I know that is supremely disappointing. Or maybe not. I’m supposed to picture all of you naked not the other way around. But this would be a niche that would definitely help me stand out. Maybe my differentiator? How about I just wear my emotionally naked sweatshirt instead?

7. i lost my brain

I’m not a doctor but chances are if someone literally lost their brain, they’d not be able to look anything up on Google. So I think this person is mistaken. Perhaps they lost a toe and just thought it was their brain. Those two are so closely related I can see why they might get the two mixed up.

8. peeing in bottles mental disorder

I suspect this person remembered that movie with Howard Hughes and all those bottles he peed in. But I am going to guess that it’s not a symptom listed on the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). If I’m wrong, let me know.

9. naked peter pan

Really? Hello, he’s a cartoon! That cannot be sexy.

10. naked roller coaster

On a hot day, that seat would not be comfortable! And would you want to get on the coaster after the previous rider? I’m just sayin’.

11. 드림하트 커뮤니티

I am completely perplexed by this one. It could possibly be because I don’t speak the Asian language for which this stands for. I did go to a translator and it means, “dream heart community.” Awww. I kinda like that after all.

I’m going to rank for a ton of weirdo searches by writing this post. But worth the laugh. Hope you at least smiled.

Dear high and mighty parent