The secret to getting unstuck in grief

Nobody wants to feel the pain of grief. Nobody wants to feel pain, period.

The things that get us stuck are refusing to talk about it, feeling guilty for crying, not finding or accepting support.

‘Feeling it’ serves a purpose. As much as it sucks, that purpose is emotional healing. If we circle the wagons all the time, it leaks out in ugly ways. You are angry all the time or you might suffer a lot of health problems. And yes, your physical health is affected by your mental health. Society may separate the two but your body and your brain do not. They have no idea what society is doing and they don’t follow trends.

Dive in. That’s my philosophy.

Otherwise you’ll get stuck in painful places for a lot longer than you’d want.

You’d rather take a magic pill. Hell, I’d rather take a magic pill and fast forward through all this. But if you did that, you’d be cheating yourself out of the process of developing healthy coping skills. You’d be cheating yourself out of your own life story. You’d be cheating yourself out of the transformation of becoming extraordinary.

Ironically, happiness is not found by chasing happiness. That level of joy comes only from having been through shit. Most of us here qualify.

So there it is. The big secret. Allowing yourself to feel it.

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked mental health speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind and co-author with Kim O'Brien PhD, LICSW of Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my younger son, Charles to addiction and suicide on June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational mental health keynotes, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, anxiety, coping strategies/resilience, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Mental Health Speakers Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

4 thoughts on “The secret to getting unstuck in grief”

  1. You’re exactly right about having to go through it. The pain from losing a beloved parent at a relatively young age 21 years ago still hits me. But I know she’d be proud of how we are doing, and living happy lives and coping without her is what she would want. I’ve never read or heard someone put is as plainly as you did, but it’s the truth.

    1. Your mom and dad would be so proud of how you reach out and how close you and your sisters are. Losing a mom at such a young age has to be devastating. And at 21 you would have known less of what to expect in grief than I did. I bet she would say you have survived beautifully

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