The secret to getting unstuck in grief

Nobody’s wants to feel the pain of grief. Nobody wants to feel pain, period.

The things that get us stuck are refusing to talk about it, feeling guilty for crying, not finding or accepting support.

‘Feeling it’ serves a purpose. As much as it sucks, that purpose is emotional healing. If we circle the wagons all the time, it leaks out in ugly ways. You are angry all the time or you might suffer a lot of health problems. And yes, your physical health is affected by your mental health. Society may separate the two but your body and your brain do not. They have no idea what society is doing and they don’t follow trends.

Dive in. That’s my philosophy.

Otherwise you’ll get stuck in painful places for a lot longer than you’d want.

You’d rather take a magic pill. Hell, I’d rather take a magic pill and fast forward through all this. But if you did that, you’d be cheating yourself out of the process of developing healthy coping skills. You’d be cheating yourself out of your own life story. You’d be cheating yourself out of the transformation of becoming extraordinary.

Ironically, happiness is not found by chasing happiness. That level of joy comes only from having been through shit. Most of us here qualify.

So there it is. The big secret. Allowing yourself to feel it.

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am the mother of two boys and the owner of emotionally naked, a site that reached a quarter million people in its first 18 months. I am a writer and professional public speaker on the topics of suicide, addiction, mental illness, and grief and currently working on getting a book published. I lost my youngest son, Charles, 20, to suicide June 5, 2015. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory.

4 thoughts on “The secret to getting unstuck in grief”

  1. You’re exactly right about having to go through it. The pain from losing a beloved parent at a relatively young age 21 years ago still hits me. But I know she’d be proud of how we are doing, and living happy lives and coping without her is what she would want. I’ve never read or heard someone put is as plainly as you did, but it’s the truth.

    1. Your mom and dad would be so proud of how you reach out and how close you and your sisters are. Losing a mom at such a young age has to be devastating. And at 21 you would have known less of what to expect in grief than I did. I bet she would say you have survived beautifully

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