Charles loved the stage. And the stage loved him.

He owned an audience. Held it in his hands. He may have suffered anxiety but he was never anxious on stage. Ever. He connected with an audience and you knew he had something the moment he walked on stage.

During the play Hairspray, he apparently hid in the dumpster on stage. Naked. Everyone struggling to stay in character as he rolled around in that thing stark naked. That same night, he apparently hid behind the bar in his underwear stroking people legs. I didn’t know this at the time. Charles loved his gags, always spectacular and unexpected.

It was when he stopped fully investing himself in theatre that I realized something was really wrong. His depression got worse and I imagine his suicidal ideation did, too. And with that, his drug use increased.

He did embrace theatre again at boarding school in Utah– winning an award for best character actor and for a stand-up monologue.  He had such a good time that weekend. I remember the call and the ache that I didn’t know in time to take a plane and see him perform. Had I known, I would have gone. But Charles never told me anything ahead of time. He lived in the moment only, rarely looking behind him or in front.

Once he graduated from boarding school, he participated in theatre at John Tyler. But I think his drug use had escalated in September 2014 and it was like I was seeing a fire die out. What I so loved about Charles, his gift of timing, his love of stage and how he shined on it started to whither away. I miss his performances–the ones on stage, the ones in my house for youtube videos, the little impromptu sketches he did at home to make me laugh.

It was something he was passionate about. And why I’m now so passionate about  it. I think that’s why I love speaking so much. I feel him with me.

To Charles: Letter to a Fellow Goon – by Jay Skinner

2 thoughts on “Charles loved the stage. And the stage loved him.”

  1. Anne Moss,
    I read every single post you put on FB. I love your descriptions of Charles, the outpouring of your own emotions, your eloquently chosen words.
    From your stories about Charles, I knew he loved theatre. That story about the on- stage dumpster… ha!
    By the grace of God , my 20 year old son is alive. I DO NOT take his being alive for granted one single second. My son is a “live in the moment” type, too. I always find out what he DID rather than what he WILL BE doing. I’ve missed a couple of his significant occasions . I get how you felt about missing that performance. Charles’ passion for acting starting to wither- it’s a sure sign of depression/ drugs.. nothing good, for sure. My son was a passionate athlete, and I saw his drive start to go north as his depression and drug use got worse.
    I am grateful you are able to connect with Charles through speaking . It’s a gift, and you are helping people and changing lives with it!
    Jackie Raye

    1. I had no idea anyone would care about what Charles was like when I started the blog. What’s more, I didn’t know how many would share their own stories and similarities in personality with their loved ones. One of my favorite things about it. None of that mattered to me at first because in working through it, I had to write to find relief. But your comments mean so much to me. They offer me support when I’m struggling. They offer me hope that Charles’ personality traits live on in others and are treasured by parents like you.Thank you Jackie Raye. Another mom with a double name!

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