Holidays are supposed to be festive and fun. But I’m not getting that vibe at all. You just bring me heaviness and grief. While people hustle and bustle about, I feel like I’m moving in slow motion. I just feel flat and lifeless. And sad.
Couldn’t you skip a year? This is my third since Charles’ suicide and I still can’t seem to find my footing. I have a hard time finding motivation to do anything about Christmas at all. I just want it to go away.
I had hoped to be at the point of tolerating the Christmas holidays by now. But I’m not there yet. I suppose it’s going to take a lot longer than I thought. Or maybe I’ll never get there. Never get to the point that I can look at those sweet homemade ornaments again. But I’ll have to look at them. Maybe I do that in the summer when I’m not feeling so down.
I want to like you again. Not resent that you relentlessly come around and assault me every single year. It’s just 30 days right? I can do that. I’ll have to do that. But take it easy on me will you?