Charles left behind all kinds of writing that indicated how much he loved us. What we often don’t realize when our loved ones are using is they do have moments of clarity. They love you. And not only that, they want to be loved and they do want to make us proud.
The thing is you may not know it.
I talk to scores of those in recovery and they’ll tell you that the weight of the guilt of not being who we want them to be is devastating. Whatever emotion is etched on our faces– whether it’s fear or our own anxiety, they read it as disappointment. Disappointment by us, about them. Not that we have never been disappointed. We get past that and realize it’s a disorder and we move away from that reaction.
A support network is the absolute cornerstone of finding recovery but more importantly, in maintaining it. Family alone is not enough. Our communities need to offer support. We need other adults to stand in and be there for our children who suffer when they need someone else to talk to and confide in.
Because we’ve been so silent for so long, hiding in secrecy and keeping all of this to ourselves, we have struggled with all of this by ourselves. We don’t live on an island and we have to understand that we all need help.
So it’s not just them who need help. It’s you, too. And no matter how long they are using, they have moments where they think of you and are sorry they are not the person they want to be.