How grief matures

Charles and Richard at the beach

When you lose a child, it changes you forever. And although time doesn’t heal, it does help.

Over time,

Tears of agony become tears of remembrance.

Agony becomes ache.

A hole in the heart becomes a wound with scar tissue.

Denial turns into acceptance.

Despair and isolation turn into purpose and clarity.

Deep depression turns into moments of melancholy.

Helplessness turns into humility.

Love with nowhere to land evolves into a need to give back.

And instead of carrying your child in your arms, you learn to carry him in your heart.

Grief writes me a love letter

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am the mother of two boys and the owner of emotionally naked, a site that reached a quarter million people in its first 18 months. I am a writer and professional public speaker on the topics of suicide, addiction, mental illness, and grief and currently working on getting a book published. I lost my youngest son, Charles, 20, to suicide June 5, 2015. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory.

11 thoughts on “How grief matures”

  1. I recently lost a coworker.”jack”. Jack was more than a coworker. He was my brother, my personal angel. He knew what would make me happy and knew how to get out of me what was causing my pain. I wish I could the same for you jack. He left a note and asked his sister to tell each of us that he loved us. He also left a little something to remember him by. It will be a month on July 8th since he took his life and we are still going through the aftermath, but somehow for the first time I can say that I am beginning to see the light. The job ordered a grief counselor for us becausebhevwas loved and he said there are three things you need to have in this world :
    Faith. Family and Friends. My friend Jack had two out of three. Thanjs for giving me this platform to share this pain.
    Anne I can’t begin to imagine your pain after loosing a child. So many emotions come to surface. Thank you for creating a way to uplift, support and share. God bless!
    -Anna

  2. A truly beauty of expression. Every time I read your articles I feel you are writing my thoughts and feelings… thank you for representing us, the mother’s that can’t seem to put it in words. God bless you Anne Moss

  3. Anne Moss–As I’ve said before–this is “spot on”! Although I will miss my Mark forever, that hole in my heart has begun to scar and become tougher. That gut punching pain no longer knocks the wind out of me, but gives me the energy to share our story wherever and whenever the opportunity presents itself. Educating families, health care providers, individuals who”think” they or someone they know may be struggling are fair game for hearing from me! We have dealt with the mental health system (or lack thereof) for years and addiction has been part of our lives for many years. Thank you for educating me on the suicide aspect as these three illnesses are a deadly combination.

  4. Today is the one year anniversary of the death of a friends son who died by suicide. I forwarded this post to her. Of course, I do not know, but hope it will lift her and provide hope that she can go on another day without him. Thank you so much for your blog!!!

  5. Dear Love Letter From Grief,
    Thank you so much for caring enough to explain your motives. You see, I was starting to believe you were the ENEMY. All the ups and downs of extreme emotions – from rage to immobilizing sadness to intense love and then gratitude that Josh is my son back to rage-i was feeling as if I was going insane . Now I understand…. The depth of the Love determines the depth of Pain. So now I’ll go forward , trying to remember that you are my Friend , my constant reminder of my Love for Joshua , my beloved Son. And in time I hope that we can work through all the wide range of emotions and move forward with a new clarity of purpose . Yes Grief, although you will be my Friend the rest of my days I am hoping ( with others )to help make the necessary changes in society So that you won’t need to introduce yourself to other Mothers…..

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