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Bonfire heart— #griefheart number 239

Bonfire heart

Charles loved having people over for a bonfire. And I loved it when we had all his friends over. I always felt better when he and all the kids were at my house then I could catch up with them, too.

One time he decided to bring the fire pit onto the deck. By the time, I came out to do my “friend check,” some of the deck boards had burned. We kept our eye on these parties, too. That’s what a child with impulse control issues can do in 5 minutes flat. Start a blazing fire in a fire pit on the deck! He also loved to find the starter fluid to squirt the fire with it. I hated that smell and forbid Randy to buy it.

I so miss those parties. Miss the boy that was the heart of a party and always bringing people together. His craving to constantly being surrounded by people was his way of protecting himself and gave him fewer opportunities to kill himself. Of course I never realized this until I read his music after he died. He feared being alone for what he’d do to himself. The trouble is this is not a sustainable strategy because at some point, you’re going to be alone.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind and co-author with Kim O'Brien PhD, LICSW of Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my younger son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide on June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, coping strategies/resilience, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

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