Charles loved having people over for a bonfire. And I loved it when we had all his friends over. I always felt better when he and all the kids were at my house then I could catch up with them, too.
One time he decided to bring the fire pit onto the deck. By the time, I came out to do my “friend check,” some of the deck boards had burned. We kept our eye on these parties, too. That’s what a child with impulse control issues can do in 5 minutes flat. Start a blazing fire in a fire pit on the deck! He also loved to find the starter fluid to squirt the fire with it. I hated that smell and forbid Randy to buy it.
I so miss those parties. Miss the boy that was the heart of a party and always bringing people together. His craving to constantly being surrounded by people was his way of protecting himself and gave him fewer opportunities to kill himself. Of course I never realized this until I read his music after he died. He feared being alone for what he’d do to himself. The trouble is this is not a sustainable strategy because at some point, you’re going to be alone.
What is the #griefheart project?
I explain my #griefheart project here.