Miss you Blake. Miss your sweet messages.

Blake Pearce
Blake Pearce

Blake would send me the these notes about Charles and would often comment on my posts. When you read these you’ll understand what a truly thoughtful and supportive friend he was. He was as genuine as they come. I am so sorry this opiate epidemic has taken another sweet soul.

Steven and Rowan, friends of Charles’ and Blake’s, came through Richmond on their way to the funeral.  I have so many messages from Blake. Some I don’t feel I can share because they were so personal about him. What a sweet young man. I’m broken hearted he is gone. He had a heart of gold.

To Blake: Rest in peace and say hello to my boy Blake. I’m really struggling with this loss and I will miss your messages.

From Blake: 

07/14/2015 10:18PM
Hi Mrs. Rogers, I never formally met you, but I was good friends with Charles for my whole stay there and since then. We both rapped together at the school, he encouraged me to pursue it.

He was a very talented, poetic and creative person who touched me and a lot of people who will never forget him. I uploaded one of his songs he had on datpiff.com, that was one of my favorites by him. I know you’ve been looking for more of his music, as I wish you could find those notebooks with albums and albums worth of material in them.

Here’s the song: Happy

If you have heard it I haven’t offered help but I’m very sorry for your loss, it’s been hard on me because I believe Charles had more potential than most people I’ve ever met.

From Blake: 

07/15/2015
We always talked about making music together. I remember one day telling him “You can go by Charles Rogers but you should make a rap name”, a couple days later so excited he runs up to me and says “Dude! Reezin’ the Revolutionary.”

I wasn’t in his shoes but I saw him suffer from anxiety the most. Smart people are prone to depression and addiction, anxiety, etc. I’m sorry for your loss. And the loss the world will have of his talent. He was and still is an inspiration for me and I’m sure many others.

From Blake:

07/15/2015 4:41PM
I wish that last act of desperation will bring him the peace in death he couldn’t find in life. Heroin and Xanax are very terrible to withdraw from, not even mentioning Charles disposition to anxiety and depression. I’m so sorry Mrs. Rogers.

He was going to touch the world with his words and inspired me to do it with him. He’s one of few people out of thousands i’ve met that made such an impression on me. The isolation is probably contributed a lot like you think. So sorry.

From Blake:

07/15/2015 8:30PM
I’m alive and lucky for that, and I wish that last act of desperation will bring him the peace in death he couldn’t find in life. Heroin and Xanax are very terrible to withdrawal from, not even mentioning Charles disposition to anxiety and depression.

I’m so sorry Mrs. Rogers. He was going to touch the world with his words and inspired me to do it with him. He’s one of few people out of thousands i’ve met that made such an impression on me. The isolation is probably contributed a lot like you think. So sorry.

From Blake:

12/08/2016 8:52PM

Thank you Anne Moss. Honestly, I’ve struggled the most with this one. Just because of how talented and brilliant your son was. He moved a lot of people. I’d see it happen when he’d speak up at FFS or rap a verse or two completely off to top of his head. I mean, the school literally got a buzz of who Charles Rogers was. Sadly, FFS wasn’t the right place for him. Or many of us, I’m sad to say.

But it did leave Charles, Vamsi and I, (along with any I’m forgetting), to channel and improve their music. He was a very special person, and he always supported my music I’ve released and encouraged me to write and rap more when I finally spit a verse for him.

Those memories will never be vain to me. I want to take what happened and have it do nothing but expose more of Charles music and to expand and improve music myself, as he has for a long time. Not just a close friend, but an inspiration. I knew of him and Richard through their YouTube videos and eventually figured out that was Charles about a week or two in.

Anyways, I had a very strong spiritual draw to Charles that he resonated to everyone smart enough to understand him. I wish he wouldn’t heard more than “Admit you’re powerless”, “Give your life to God”, fundamentally christian AA values to help his addiction. I remember they’d tell him he was talented but that he’d never make it in music and banned him from writing for a short couple months and rapping for almost half his stay. He had a lot to get off of his chest.

And he wasn’t going to do that fidgeting in the FFS AA meetings and told to say psalms instead of his true, deeper feelings; that I of course encouraged for him to do, and to rap. He was put down by kids saying he’d never make it in music.

If it hurt him, it didn’t show, but I did nothing but the opposite and told him his talent and rapping was amazing, and to never stop pursuing it. I empathize with you and your entire family. I’m sorry if I have been a bother typing you all of this, I’ve just not come to acceptance yet, and my heart goes out to you and your family.

Note: Out of respect for his privacy, I have not posted everything Blake shared via PM. However, he shared this on a heavily shared public post of mine. I can’t remember the post but it was one of my blog posts and was last fall. 

God damn it. I’ll never not regret not keeping in close contact with Charles until he passed. This is kind of odd but I can’t help but think about when I got home from the hospital after an intentional overdose….i hadn’t told anyone and still barely have but I got on Facebook and he had commented on several pictures of mine oddly right when I had done this, how could he have known? All his comments were silly but that was Charles being kind and not wanting it to be seen as weird. “Blake is so handsome” , “everyone loves Blake!” Etc. so strange. Like he somehow knew even though I hadn’t told anyone…..had to share. I wish I had been there for him when he needed me.

From Blake:

12/08/2016 8:52PM
I want to come at peace with this, maybe some of these details will help me try to understand. Of course you never can. I’m sorry you missed his call Mrs. Rogers, but you cannot blame yourself for his actions. I’m glad you got to talk to him for two hours, even if he wouldn’t open up.

I think Charles found it hard to be honest because in that situation there is so much shame and embarrassment with oneself. Thank you again for being so honest with me Mrs. Rogers.

From Blake:

12/08/2016 8:52PM
I know it’s been awhile since we’ve talked, i finally got a chance to order Charles’s CD in June then I was away and wasn’t able to have any kind of CD/or anything, it was waiting on me at my house when I got back.

Charles was amazingly talented, I’ve never stopped and will never stop telling my friends about him and his music and sharing it, he really had a gift. You should be nothing but proud of him, some of the greatest artists burn bright and pass young, coincidentally mostly all my favorite artists/writers (ernest hemmingway, jim morrison, kurt cobain, ian curtis) all did. anyways i know this is random but thought i’d share, much love ❤

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Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my youngest son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

4 thoughts on “Miss you Blake. Miss your sweet messages.”

  1. So heartbreaking. I’m so sorry for everyone’s loss. Hard to believe how insane it was that kids couldn’t rap and be themselves at FFS. Actually, infuriating.

  2. What a lovely soul. And another tragic loss for the world. Thinking of you and of Blake’s parents. They must be devastated.

  3. Heartbreaking! What a lovely smile he had. I am so sorry for your loss! He was an eloquent and thoughtful young man from what I see from these notes to you. Life is so unfair sometimes. I am so sorry!

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