I am so sorry

I am so sorry I did not go to you that last day you called.

I am so sorry I did not listen to my gut.

I am so sorry I did not tell you I loved you every day you were gone those last two weeks.

I am so sorry I did not understand heroin addiction more than I did.

I am so sorry suicide was not on my radar.

I am so sorry I don’t have all your precious rap notebooks.

I am so sorry I didn’t buy you a dog earlier in your life.

I am so sorry about times I yelled at you.

I am not sorry I had you in my life.

It wasn’t until you died that I truly understood was real joy was. Not that your death brought me joy, it simply taught me to appreciate those moments with all my heart.

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10 things I learned from Charles

 

 

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am the mother of two boys and the owner of emotionally naked, a site that reached a quarter million people in its first 18 months. I am a writer and professional public speaker on the topics of suicide, addiction, mental illness, and grief and my book, Diary of a Broken Mind, will be published in the fall. I lost my youngest son, Charles, 20, to suicide June 5, 2015. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website

8 thoughts on “I am so sorry”

  1. Oh Anne how many of us live with regrets after someone we love is gone. The what if’s, the should haves, the wish I could go back and change things… And yet we have no choice but to live with our reality and understand and know in our hearts that we did the best we could at the time. Thanks for sharing your words and emotions. The love you feel for Charles will always comfort you (even in times when it breaks your heart all over again). Sending love and hugs your way.

  2. Anne Moss I bet everyone of us has just as much regret, about many of the same things, as you. I always told Tyler I loved him before ending a phone conversation but often didn’t when I saw him daily. I hate to admit I was a nag!!! I’m sure he thought there was no way to please me. His death has definitely taught me what’s important & how to prioritize. When I overhear my friends who have teenagers, I often remind them what they are worrying about is really very unimportant in the grand scheme of things! So many issues that used to be a big deal simply no longer matter to me!

  3. Charles knew you loved him. And you did so much to try to help him, don’t ever doubt that!
    Now you are helping so many!! Charles is looking down with a smile.❤

  4. with you always. i am so sorry too. and the boy’s friends are sorry too. like i told whitten’s boyfriend, it’s everyone’s fault and it’s no one’s fault….

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