I am so sorry

I am so sorry I did not go to you that last day you called.

I am so sorry I did not listen to my gut.

I am so sorry I did not tell you I loved you every day you were gone those last two weeks.

I am so sorry I did not understand heroin addiction more than I did.

I am so sorry suicide was not on my radar.

I am so sorry I don’t have all your precious rap notebooks.

I am so sorry I didn’t buy you a dog earlier in your life.

I am so sorry about times I yelled at you.

I am not sorry I had you in my life.

It wasn’t until you died that I truly understood was real joy was. Not that your death brought me joy, it simply taught me to appreciate those moments with all my heart.

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my youngest son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

10 thoughts on “I am so sorry”

  1. That Video of the boys in the bath is so precious❤Charles knows you love him. He is with you in your Heart every minute of every day❤

  2. Oh Anne how many of us live with regrets after someone we love is gone. The what if’s, the should haves, the wish I could go back and change things… And yet we have no choice but to live with our reality and understand and know in our hearts that we did the best we could at the time. Thanks for sharing your words and emotions. The love you feel for Charles will always comfort you (even in times when it breaks your heart all over again). Sending love and hugs your way.

  3. Anne Moss I bet everyone of us has just as much regret, about many of the same things, as you. I always told Tyler I loved him before ending a phone conversation but often didn’t when I saw him daily. I hate to admit I was a nag!!! I’m sure he thought there was no way to please me. His death has definitely taught me what’s important & how to prioritize. When I overhear my friends who have teenagers, I often remind them what they are worrying about is really very unimportant in the grand scheme of things! So many issues that used to be a big deal simply no longer matter to me!

  4. Charles knew you loved him. And you did so much to try to help him, don’t ever doubt that!
    Now you are helping so many!! Charles is looking down with a smile.❤

  5. with you always. i am so sorry too. and the boy’s friends are sorry too. like i told whitten’s boyfriend, it’s everyone’s fault and it’s no one’s fault….

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