My entire life, I have been told, “I love your passion but you need to tame it!” Like the two were separable. That sentence itself is a paradox. As if the fact that I am bold and think differently is a ugly speck on an otherwise decent personality.
I’ve been made to feel guilty about my forthright personality, encouraged to tame it to be more ladylike and more “in line” with tradition. If only I wasn’t so ambitious, so driven, daring, bold, willing to step outside my comfort zone, and so unwilling to follow traditions I find ludicrous.
If I had a dime for every time someone warned me that I shouldn’t post this, share that or otherwise speak out about something I believe in, I swear I’d be a millionaire.
There are things I do that make people uncomfortable because they are unconventional and outside the box. The truth is, to me they aren’t that unconventional or different.
Like a three year old, I always ask myself, “Why?” I like challenging myself and I’m not happy if I don’t. I remember Charles questioning traditional things. And there were times I’d look at him and say, “You’re right. That is stupid. I won’t do it that way any more.” He was pretty unconventional and reminded me of where he got it from.
I’m not going to bend myself to try to fit someone else’s mold any more. There have been times I have tried and simply felt handcuffed. I am who I am and Charles’ suicide has made me promise that I would be true to myself.
That’s one reason why I started this site. I wouldn’t have to answer to someone else and I could do it the way I wanted to.
If change is going to happen, I have to be willing to be uncomfortable. I owe that to the legacy of my popular yet unconventional child. I am willing.