Alter Ego: Morning. Time to get up.
Me: I don’t want to.
Alter Ego: You have to get up.
Me: But I’m not ready. I have to face the fact he’s gone when I’m awake.
Alter Ego: Are you going to spend all day in bed? Won’t that totally depress you?
Me: Yeah. It will.
Alter Ego: What are you going to wear on your run?
Me: My legs feel like lead. I don’t want to run.
Alter Ego: You always feel better once you go.
Me: Not always. Somedays my legs feel like lead the whole time. Somedays nothing works.
Alter Ego: But you can’t give up. You have to live. You have to go because most the time it works.
Me: I know. But there are so many steps to getting dressed to go. It’s overwhelming. Why does it feel like that?
Alter Ego: It’s grief. Grief makes you feel that way.
Me: Grief makes me feel bad. But it also makes me feel close to him.
Alter Ego: I know
Me: I don’t feel like being a grown up any more. I don’t.
Alter Ego: Do something childish then
Me: Like what?
Alter Ego: It has to be outside your routine
Me: OK, I got it. Charles would love this!
Alter Ego: Yeah I can hear your idea now
Me: Improv classes
Alter Ego: He would love that. Now get yourself up and get your @$$ on the running trail. Think about the view…
Me: Yes ma’m. Do I have to be fast?
Alter Ego: You’re never fast but who cares