Grief. Is there a heaven?

I want to believe it without reservation. I do.

And I know most of you do. You’ll tell me there is and all I have to do is believe. However, I am a skeptic. I think there is something out there. But I often have doubts.

I do think it is something very different from what we think it is. A different kind of existence all together. Not a bad existence just not what we think.

I have a lot riding on this belief

Since Charles died, I really want to believe 100%.

Let’s say there is a heaven.  Would he be waiting for me? What would he look like? Again, I think it’s not anything we can imagine if there is indeed such a thing. I want there to be some clue what it’s like.

Don’t get me wrong. Heaven can wait for me because I’m not planning on going any sooner than I have to. I just wonder. And I wonder what it may be like because I am a mom that has lost a child. I want him to finally find peace and happiness. And that, I’m pretty sure he has found.

I hurt and I am suffering that loss. And more than anything I want to believe I will see him again. So what the hell? Why not believe it if it makes me feel better.

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Dear Charles. My letter to heaven

heaven

 

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my youngest son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

10 thoughts on “Grief. Is there a heaven?”

  1. Your words trigger a cascade of buried emotions, mostly anger at this point. My health and the prison of silence I have lived in for decades is and has been a numbing existence having walked alongside my own sons through horrific experiences as wee boys.

    Grief has etched itself on the chambers of my heart and I know in time it may fade but the three of us have been forever changed.

    I have found our suffering to be disorienting. My faith has changed through the process of coming to terms with the incomprehensible but I cling to the belief that I have never been alone, I needed to believe that God was present even when I knew him not because it was the only way to muddle through.

    1. All of what you said is so true and I can relate. And said so beautifully too. It does change us. Eventually I think most of the change that happens is good. However we are still left without the child we love and that’s the part that tugs or yanks at our hearts our whole lives. Integration of grief and a different relationship with God figure into that new life.

  2. I truely, with all my being, believe I will be reunited with my son, Curt Anthony Jack Hall. Curt comes to me in so many ways, dreams, feathers, a feeling of his presence. “ To be absent from the body, is to be present with The Lord.” All I know is that for me that gives me peace, and hope. Every person has the right to their beliefs, but I feel blessed to have God, when no one else can be by my side. I wish you peace, love and comfort. You have the courage, the strength to share the unimaginable agony, we parents whose children were unable to continue to live on this Earth. I don’t think I could go on, without the hope of being with my son again.

    1. I am with you some days and other days riddled with doubt. I think for me, seeing someone like a medium would give me the feedback I need. It may be hogwash but if it makes me feel more in touch or better, then I’m all for it. I get signs but not as many lately and I’m wondering if I’m just not paying enough attention.

  3. There is a book I read a few years ago called 90 minutes in Heaven. The author is Don Piper. They just made a movie from the book. It wasn’t in theaters long. I haven’t seen it yet. I heard Don Piper speak here in Richmond a few years ago. His description of heaven and all the people that were waiting to meet him was AMAZING ! Pearly gates. Roads of gold. Colors so brilliant you can’t even imagine. Angels singing gloriously all the time. Full of peace, love and joy 24/7. No pain. No hurt. No suffering. Nothing but pure bliss forever. Yes there is a heaven. I Know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has a place already waiting for me. And it will be far better than anything earth has to offer.

  4. I’m so sorry for the loss of your precious son, Anne and for the grief that you now live with. I know the pain of the loss of a parent – my father at a young 52 years. However, the loss of one of my children would eclipse this for sure and for reasons I will not go into. Like you, I cannot imagine not ever seeing them again once I or they depart this world. I know of only one faith where death was defeated and life eternal was offered to all who surrender to its founder, Jesus. I am sold out completely to Him. He represents the bridge to you for life eternal and ultimately to your son. May I pray for you that Jesus Christ would call you to Himself and that you would be baptized in His spirit. I pray in His mighty name that you would receive the peace that only He promises; the piece that passes all understanding. Thank you for sharing your story and for the privilege to pray for you. Sincerely, John D

    1. Amen! Praying that Jesus would draw you to Himself and you would find the peace which passes all understanding! Much love to you Anne Moss. 💗

  5. I’m a skeptic like you. I believe there is something. We are made up of energy. And we DO know that energy never dies. So when our bodies are finished here on Earth, the energy has to go somewhere. He’s out there. Colliding with other energy, creating, existing. That is my God. My heaven. All the energies in the universe have an impact on us during the time they were in bodies and during the time they leave bodies. The energy is still around. And sometimes, we’re lucky enough to feel our loved ones as they knock into us just to let us know they love us.

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