Kids that were friends of Charles are growing up.
People move on.
And those of us still grieving feel kind of stuck sometimes. Forgotten even. That’s the isolating nature of grief.
It’s like there is the speed train and everyone is back on it. But us. We just watch as it speeds by, unable to get on that train. Limping on every once in a while but then having to exit because we simply can’t keep up with the pace.
Sometimes it’s hard to to see happy family pictures knowing that I will never have a picture with both my children ever again. But then other times, I love seeing those pictures.
Moving on is natural. Those of us who are grieving are moving forward, too. It’s just harder to see because we’re doing it at a sloth-like pace. And sometimes we take a couple of steps back before we move forward again.
It would be crazy if everyone moved at the pace of grief. The world would collapse.
So to all of you not suffering a loss right now, thank you for holding up the world. It’s too heavy for some of us right now.
“It’s like I’m surrounded by walls with no escape at all
I’m over 6 feet tall, But I’ve never felt so small”
— Charles Aubrey Rogers, from the song “Just to Hurt“
You should check into volunteering at Comfort Zone Camp, for the kids and for you.
Although it may seem that the Charles friends move on with their lives, you have to know what a huge impact he made on so many lives. Charles is in the heart and memories of so many. Shane still laughs and tells so many stories of his time spent with Charles. My kids still like to play a game Charles taught us. We were driving on the Powhyte and he’d look into passing cars and make up a story of where they were going, why, and tell us the conversations they were having. My kids thought he was hilarious. For me personally the only thing I can remember about ” The Wedding Singer” was Charles rolling around on the floor. I laughed until I cried. I just found it hysterical. I have to say that my favorite Charles moment was Homecoming. There were 18 kids in my living room,every single one on them hanging on Charles’ ever word. He easily took command of the gathering and gave an impromptu comedy routine before they headed out. He made so many smile, I feel honored to have know such an amazing kid. His friends will never forget him. Your pain is so deep because he was such a bright light in this world. I wonder if it would help if some of us who miss him let you know, we miss him too.
Anne,
This is an awesome post because it knowledges that everyone grieves in different ways and at different paces. I appalud you in everyday. The fact that you are able to get out of bed, shower, work and put one foot in front of the other is nothing short of a miracle.
If it were me? No way. I wouldn’t be able to raise awareness and champion a fight that is so hard for others to understand. I would either be institutionalizied or on suicide watch myself.
I think it is times like this that you learn who your true friends are. Those that hop on the train when it suits them, and then fall silent once the momentum is gone, either can talk the talk but not walk the walk or feel that since X amount of months have gone by you should be over it?
I think your mission is true reform and change. That is a long train ride my girlfriend! Some simply don’t have the stamina or perhaps their plate already overflows. Focus on those that you can depend on. Now is not the time to smile and take on fair weather friends. Now is the time to let your family and true friends surround you with love and champion your efforts. Those that do will soon realize the long train ride was well worth the journey.
Love you. You’ve been there every step of the way. And your call today. You just knew I wasn’t having a good day.